The Sacrifice
by livingtothefull
Summary: In the wake of Mike's arrest Harvey makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the people he loves most. Even if that means sacrificing everything
1. Chapter 1

**First ever suits fiction so cut me some slack. No copy write intended I own nothing. Sorry this was also written on my iphone whilst at work so there might be a few errors.**

 **Please review will try update every few days**

In the wake of Mike's arrest Harvey makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the people he loves, even if that means loosing everything.

 _And so we fall_

 _And through it all_

 _I'm left here with this purple heart of mine_

 _Battles won_

 _The war is done_

 _And the sky is purple_

 _\- Six60 Purple_

He felt sick to his stomach. A man who always had an answer for everything was finally backed against a wall, trapped behind a web of lies he created. Because of his decision five years ago to hire a fraud everyone he loved and cared for was now in danger. Jessica, the woman who had taken him as a punk from the mail room and turned him into the man he was today. Mike, the kid who he would never admit out loud had become like a brother to him, albeit an annoying overzealous brother, but a brother none the less. Rachel, the poor paralegal caught in the middle for simply falling in love with a man living and lie. Louis, the man bled the law firm, a firm that he had put in jeopardy every single day. And then there was her, the woman who meant more to him than any woman had ever done. She was the woman who with one look could make him weak at the knees, make him feel like a pre-pubescent teenage boy. There relation had been strained in the last few months, there was no denying that. Ever since she had gone to work for Louis, since she asked him to explain how he loved her, since the wedge between them grew greater in size by the day, they had not been the same people, the same team they had been for the last 12 years. None of that changed the fact that they were Donna and Harvey, the A team. Nothing could ever change the fact he would walk through fire for her, he would give up everything to protect the woman who has spent the last 12 years protecting him every single day.

Now he faced loosing her, loosing them all. His stupid, selfish, arrogant decision to hire a fraud was going to land them all in jail. They were all going to lose firm they loved, the lives they lived, all trained for a cell in some prison for a lie they'd worked so hard to protect. He knew the A.D.A was out for blood. Whose blood, it didn't matter. She wanted to make an example of them. An example of him. They were still no closer to finding out who had sold Mike out, not that it mattered. The truth was out and no matter how hard they tried they couldn't save themselves this time, they could only minimize the damage.

He looked around his office. The room was a very testament to how hard he had worked to build himself this life. The basketballs immaculately lined against the window, his vast collection of records each telling their own story. The expensive couches, the even more expensive alcohol. Each serving as their own reminder of everything he had to loose. What has this life got him? Sure he had expensive suits, fast cars, money, power. Where had that got him? Here he was sitting alone in his office, no one to call, no one to get advice from, no one to turn to. He had never felt more alone in his entire life than he had in this moment. Had his father still been alive he would have been the first person he had turned to. Gordon Specter was his rock. The father who had lost so much yet given so much to make sure his children had everything they could ever want in life. His heart ached at the thought of him, how much he missed him, how much he could never find the words to tell his father how much he meant to him. His mother, always cold and calculating, had done irreparable damage to her oldest son. The bitterness never far from his mind. Despite the loss of his father, and the betrayal from his mother he had managed to find a new group of people to call family. A family that was never going to be the same. How can he fix that?

"What are you thinking about?" Jessica's voice, soft and eloquent, drifted into his office.

He swung in his chair and looked at the woman who had been more of a mother than his own had ever. She held her head strong, her body however filled with tension. She could read him like a book, not quite like Donna could, but she could read his emotions regardless of how hidden they were. She was there for him through everything. No matter how ungrateful he could be, how many times he pushed the limits or tested her patience. Her loyalty to him had never wavered.

"I'm not sure how we can do this Jessica" his voice showing none of the normal arrogant bravado "We can't fight against the truth"

Jessica had made her way to his couch. Pouring herself a generous helping of his scotch. He couldn't help but notice she looked tired. Not the kind of tired that a good night sleep could fix. Her face showed the scars that this lie had caused her.

"She's out for blood" Jessica paused "We have to settle"

He smirked "don't go to trial if you can't win"

"We can't win. There is no win here. You, me, Mike, Rachel, Donna" he noticed the stress she put on the last name "we are all sitting ducks. At any day it will be one of us next waiting to be arrested if we can't come up with something."

And that was the clincher wasn't it, he thought to himself, they were all next. They wouldn't stop at Mike. He was the pawn but there are plenty of other chess pieces in play. There was no way they could argue that they didn't know, to commit perjury against allegations based entirely on the truth. This was his mistake. He needed to fix it.

"What are you thinking Harvey?" Her voice filled with concern. She saw the vacant look in his eyes. The guilt. The anger. The shame. And a look she hadn't seen to often on her young prodigies face. Hope.

"Jessica" he took a deep breath "when you found me in the mail room I was going no where. I was so angry, and so bitter at everything life had thrown my way" the wave of emotion sent a quiver into his voice "you saved me when everyone else had given up. You, Donna, heck even Louis have become the family that I never got to have"

She had moved forward on her seat. A frown on her face. Unmoving, unspeaking, she listened to every word he said. Worry evident in her posture.

"Listen to this once, because I'm never going to say this again." He looked her in the eyes "You saved my life. And now it's my turn. I will make sure the rest of you don't go down for something that I did"

He stood up from his desk, grabbing his coat and heading towards the door. Not even taking a second to listen to Jessica's reply all he could hear was her screaming his now as he entered the elevator. He had never heard such fear in his voice. Such pain. Pain that he had caused.

And now he needed to fix it

SUITSSUITSSUITSSUITSSUITSSUITSSUITS

Mike was surprised when they dragged him out of his holding cell early in the morning. The guards saying nothing as they deposited him in one of the many interrogation rooms he had become accustom to. Then wordlessly, they turned around closed the door and left him in the room alone.

Alone.

It was a word he had used often to describe himself and his life. He felt alone when his parents died. Yes, granted his Grammy had taken him in and loved him unconditionally it wasn't the same. He felt alone in high school when the boy genius was treated as an outcast, a loser, for being so far ahead. He felt alone when Trevor had betrayed him and conned him into selling drugs on his behalf. His best friend selling him out, turning him into something he had never wanted to become.

He hadn't felt the same loneliness in years. Since Harvey had stumbled upon him, taken him in and offered him a second chance at life. From that moment everything had changed. He had friends, a family, a job he loved. He had Rachel, the woman who had stolen his heart from the first moment he laid eyes on her.

Six days.

It had been six days since he was arrested and thrown into this room. Six days of not speaking to anyone from Pearson, Specter, Litt. It wasn't that he didn't want to see them, his heart physically ached at the thought of him. But he couldn't take seeing them knowing soon his freedom would be taken and he would never see them again. His heart couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle it.

He heard the door open. The scent of her perfume filling his nostrils.

Anita Gibbs sat across from him, her face as sour as ever.

"18 months" was all she said.

"What?" He couldn't keep the surprise from his face.

"Sign this piece of paper and you get 18 months behind bars, 10 years probation and we leave you and the rest of your family alone" she said simply as she pushed a piece of paper towards him.

Shock filled every fiber of his being. He could be locked away from a long time, ten years, more. This was as good as it was going to get for him. He would still have a chance to rebuild his life, to love on from this.

"Why now?" He asked "I thought you wanted to make me pay?" Bitterness filled his voice.

"You can take it, or we can play ball at trial. The choice is yours. The moment I leave this room the deal is off the table" her voice sinister, deadly as a snake.

Mike stared. His eyes unblinking as he tried to comprehend what this all meant. An hour ago he was thinking the inside of a cell was going to be the rest of his life. He wasn't stupid, he knew someone like him would never survive in prison. His freedom, his sanity, his life was going to be ripped out from under him simply for wanting to live a better life. He was glad his Grammy wasn't still around to see what he was becoming. But this, this unbelievable deal was giving him a light. 18 months was certainly better than ten years. 18 months was a walk in the park compared to what he had been imagining. He had to think of Rachel, the woman who he knew would stand by his side, no matter how long for, not that he could ever ask her to wait. For his Grammy to prove that all the work she put into raising him to be a good man wasn't wasted. For Harvey, the very man who without he would probably already be in prison. The man, who although rarely showed it, cared for him, mentored him and treated him like family. But could the great Harvey Specter even get him out of this? Going to trial he knew he was more than likely going to get close to the maximum sentence for the crimes he has committed. He would put the reputation of Pearson, Specter, Litt under even more scrutiny potentially sending the people he loved most to join him behind bars. 18 months. He could do that.

"Fine" he spoke after a moment "I'll sign"

She smirked, satisfaction filling her face as his hand moved to pick up the pen. She watched the apprehension, the delight, the relief, the many wonders of emotions pass across his face.

Finally once it was signed she picked it up and moved towards the door. His voice stopping her.

"Now I've signed, why the change of heart?" He asked. Fear laced behind the question.

"You, Michael Ross, are just a small fish. In trade for you signing that deal, the great and powerful Harvey Specter is in a room across the hall signing a similar day taking all the blame, saving you, saving those previous colleagues from a similar fate" she smirked "this was never really about you. Now Harvey can spend the next six years of his life learning he isn't all that great after all"

Mike stared in shock.

Six years.

Harvey.

What had he done?


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again written from my iPhone at work so excuse any typos. It's a hard life.**

 **Thanks for all the review. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know because I'm winging it at the moment. I have a reasonable idea where this story is going but I'm always keen to hear what you think.**

 **On with the show. Enjoy**

_

 _One day you'll understand how much you have me_

 _One day you'll realise we have it easy_

 _I can't offer you the future - I don't know it myself_

 _All I can offer you is me_

 _I'm all I can offer you right now_

 _\- Opshop. One day._

Harvey had gone home from seeing Jessica with a new found confidence. Finally, after six days of more anxiety than he had ever felt in his life he was finally calm. He knew what he had to do now, and he knew why. He hoped that they all understood, that she understood, that this was the only option available to them now. Either he stood up and did the right thing, or he watched them all perish and burn at the hands of the law. The very thing he loved most in this life was the very thing that would break him and was the very thing that was going to make sure his life was never the same again.

He thought about ringing them, letting them know why he has to do this. He quickly pushed that thought from his mind. They would try and talk him out of it, tell him that there was another way. He knew there wasn't. Harvey Specter was a lot of things, but very rarely was he a coward. It was time for him to stand up and be a man, take responsibility for the damage he had caused, and to save the others from being caught in the fallout. He cared too much about all of them to let that happen, even if it meant willingly sacrificing all of his freedom to do it.

Mike would be angry, Louis would be confused, Jessica would be hurt he didn't come to her, and Donna, he didn't know what Donna would feel. Would she understand? Would she hate him for not warning her? Or would she be silently grateful the man who had taken so much from her would be out of her life forever? He secretly hoped that it wasn't the latter. He hoped the bond they had formed in 12 years would mean she knew him well enough to know he did this for her, not to hurt her. He would die before he let her see the inside of a jail cell even for a second. His heart hurt at the thought of not seeing her, at her moving on with her life, a life that no longer involved him. His one regret is now he could never explain to her how he loved her. How he loved the way her hair flowed against her shoulders. How she knew every thought on his mind before he'd even realised he'd thought it. How she always smiled shyly to the ground when he complimented her. How her lips curled when she smiled, the tone of her laugh when she laughed at her own joke. How those dresses she spent so much money on clung to every curve of her body in all the right places. Mostly though, Harvey admitted, the reason he loved her was simply because she was Donna. And that was always enough for him.

He wasn't a man to speak of his emotions, but he couldn't leave them all without a goodbye, especially knowing he would never allow any of them to see him inside a prison. He had so much to say to each and every one of them. Years of feelings he has pushed down never allowing himself to speak them out. He had a special relationship with all of them and despite their differences all of them were family.

Mike. Rachel. Jessica. Louis. Marcus. Ray. Donna.

And with that, he sat in his home office and he began to write.

_

It was 2am by the time he finished. He was emotionally and physically drained. The enormity of what he was about to do heavily weighing on his shoulders. Harvey wasn't an idiot, he knew that this was going to be no walk in the park. The future he could handle. The present, the goodbyes, the realisation, that was proving to be slightly more difficult.

With a scotch in his hand he had finally finished putting the last letter in its envelope. Delivering to his doorman with strict instructions on posting them in the morning, he headed back into his condo. His fathers records played in the background, the soft jazz tones filling the room. He changed into jeans and a shirt and just sat. He didn't move to fill his drink or when his phone started buzzing, he simply sat.

Finally, after almost an hour he realised he was quickly running out of time and there was simply too much he needed to do.

Sending emails making sure all his affairs would be taken care of. His offshore accounts meant when this was all over at least he wouldn't have to worry about finding a new job to make money. It wasn't like he would practicing law ever again. He had to make sure he wasn't completely destroying everything though. He had worked hard to be where he was today and he was damn sure not going to let all that go to waste.

He grabbed a box he had picked up on the way home. Walking to his bookcase he started filling it with his most sentimental items. The first textbook he ever bought for Harvard, the photo of his father displayed at his funeral, and other family treasures. His eyes rested on a photo album left to him by his father after his death. He grabbed the album and sat back on the couch flipping through the pages. The first few were baby photos of himself and Marcus, both smiling happy babies the pages brought a tear to his eyes. He refused to let them fall though, now was not the time. The photo that caught his eye was a photo of his mother holding Marcus on his knee, a four year old Harvey planting a kiss on his mothers cheek.

Lucy Specter. A woman he tried to think of as little as possible, yet the very woman who had brought him into this world. It was not long after Marcus was born that the first cracks began to show. She was always sad, she stopped eating, stopped laughing, stopped caring. He was old enough now to understand that she had been suffering depression. The times he scraped his knee and she brushed him off in favour of going back to bed, leaving him to tend to his wounds himself. The times she would stay out late returning home at some ungodly hour wasted on God only knows. The times he told her he loved her and it wasn't reciprocated. They were all the results of the depression that gripped her soul for over three years. Marcus never knew his mother any other way. He was lucky. Harvey remembered her laugh and smile before Marcus was born, when she was carefree and happy. Those memories are fleeting and the older he gets the less he remembers it, whether that's due to age or the fact he simply doesn't want to remember he's not sure. But Lucy Specter, long before her affairs were discovered, long before she had abandoned him, had stopped being his mother.

He wondered what his life would have been like if she had never developed the depression. Would she have still strayed from her marriage? Would she have let them all not to be heard from for years to come? The possibilities were endless. The anger he had felt for her was suffocating. It poisoned every relationship he'd ever had. Whether it be romantic or friendship, Lucy Specter's damage had controlled him from the day she had left.

He quickly changed the page, finding photos of himself at baseball, Marcus cooking some new creation, his father teaching them both to play the guitar. The album was filled with so many happy memories and he finally realised how hard his father had worked to make sure they had the best life possible. Lucy may have been emotionally vacant for most of his life, but Gordon made sure he was their number one fan. Being both a mother and father to his young sons, working twice as hard to put food on the table, but more importantly showing them what unconditional love was. He loved Lucy despite her flaws. He loved his boys even when they told him they hated him or made his life difficult. Gordon was never one to back down from a challenge. Harvey remembers his fathers face the day he broke the news of his mothers infidelity. He had never seen the sight of someone's heart break. Harvey could swear he saw a tear roll down his fathers face as everything he worked towards come crashing down around him. His whole world was crumbling and it was his sons harsh words in a moment of anger that had driven the final nail in the coffin.

Sitting here some twenty years after that fateful day Harvey finally realised he wasn't angry with his mother anymore. He was hurt, he was sad and he was broken, but no longer did he feel the anger. He hadn't had a mother, but he'd been given the worlds greatest father, a gift his mother had given him. He sighed, wishing he had realised this years ago, maybe then he wouldn't be in this situation. Did he regret the choices he had made? He wasn't sure yet. But if it meant never going to Harvard, not meeting Jessica, being banished to the office where he would meet his soul mate, and finally hiring a fraud, then no, Harvey didn't regret a single decision. And deep down he knew he had his mother to thank.

With that, Harvey picked up his pen and started writing one more letter.

_

Jessica arrived to work early. Leaving late last night she hadn't been able to sleep. Seeing the look in Harvey's eyes last night still haunted her. She had no idea what he was up to, but she knew it wasn't going to be good.

Jessica thought of her protege, a man so misunderstood by so many people. Harvey Specter was arrogant, self assured, self centred, smug and a whole list of other adjectives. She knew Harvey better though. She'd seen him that first day in the mailroom, seen the potential and the heart behind a man who had more walls than a fort. He was loyal, he demanded it in fact but he offered his unwavering loyalty in return. He was fair, always trying his greatest to do what is right. He was damaged, every person he encountered knew that, but Jessica knew that behind that damage was a scared kid wanting to do better than he'd had done to him. He was more selfless than any one in this office gave him credit for. She truly believed he lived by his motto of winning fairly was better than winning at all. That wasn't to say he didn't dance along the line, sometimes wading a foot into the pool of wrongdoing. But there was never a time he completely disregarded the rules in favour of himself.

Until Mike.

She would be lying if she said she blamed Harvey for hiring the kid. His mind was brilliant, his sense of justice unquestioning and his ability to break beyond Harvey's walls were unbelievable.

What she couldn't understand was why she hadn't put a stop to it. Surely they all knew that this would come to an end eventually, someone was always going to end this honeymoon sooner or later. Sure, she could blame Harvey after all he had hired the kid. Jessica knew though that Harvey didn't bond with people well, and once he has found a connection he isn't willingly going to let it go. For the first time in as long as she could remember he had made a truly selfish decision, and she was proud that for once he put himself first. She wasn't going to be the one to break that away from him. Mike also had a lot to answer for, but again as Jessica Pearson sat praying in her office she couldn't find herself mad at him. A young kid offered a way out of a life he'd never imagined for himself, finding a place in the world to finally belong. She'd be stupid to think anyone would pass on that offer.

No, Jessica Pearson could only find fault in herself for this disastrous mess they had found themselves in. It was her firm, her name of the door. She should have known better and protected her family from the heartache that was bound to come. No one could ever convince her otherwise.

Now her hands were tied. Mike was in prison and Harvey was out doing god knows what and she was sitting here in her lavish office waiting to see if today was the day she was arrested.

7am rolled around and still no one was in the office. Or at least the one she was waiting for wasn't here. With each passing second her concern grew, the tight knot in her stomach growing. What had he done?

Broken from her stupor by the sound of her phone ringing she pulled it from her pocket

"Hello Jessica Pearson speaking"

The next sound in the large office was the sound of Jessica persons phone hitting the floor at enormous pace, followed by the sound of an almighty sob as she learned the truth of where her protege was.

_

Harvey sat on the edge of the cot in the cell they had shoved him in. From the moment he stood outside the office this morning he knew his life would change. To say the look on Anita Gibbs face was surprised would be an understatement. This was she was hoping for sure, but she thought she was in for more of a fight. So when Harvey Specter stood across from her asking to make a deal she knew it had to be too good to be true.

He would take the blame, plead guilty saying that he had forced Mile into knowing Mike was reluctant. Making a poor naive child believe that he could get away with it. Mike still needed to be punished, she wouldn't budge on this, they negotiated the sentence throughout the meeting. His final condition, not that he was in a huge position to make demands, was that they left it at that, no one else from the firm would be investigated, charged or brought in for questioning over the fraud. The paperwork to be processed as quickly as possible, why delay the inevitable, and have him sent to the prison as soon as possible. He didn't want time to say goodbye, he didn't want to see any of them.

Six years.

He looked around at his tiny cell, the four walls represented everything he had lost. One wall or another was going to confine him for the next six years. Rules, orders, obedience, that was what his life was about to become.

He stood stone faced in front of the camera for his mug shot. No hint of his trademark smirk on his face, no hint of mischief in his eyes, nothing but hopeless and defeat covered the features of the fallen lawyer.

He could however hold his head high in the knowledge that he's saved the people he loved most. He'd saved mike from spending the rest of his adult life in prison, in a mere eighteen months he would be free to start his life again. Rachel, now given a realistic option of still being able to have Mike in her life. Her dream of happiness still alive - just put on hold for the time being. Jessica, a chance to rebuild from this. Sure she probably wouldn't remain a named partner but she had the ability to make a name on a new door, maybe somewhere other than New York. Donna, he knew she would take this the hardest and his heart bled at the thought. No, scratch that, he couldn't bring himself to think of her. He just hoped she understood.

Six years.

He could do this.

_

Jessica tried to pull herself together, to find any hint of composure.

Six years.

Why had he done this? If she truly asked herself that question she already knew the answer. His goddamn need to protect those he loved ran deeper than his willingness to protect himself. The associates, the clients, his rivals, even his friends may have not ever realised it but from day one Harvey has protected them all. But this, this of all things, was something they could've beaten.

She knew Harvey. She knew he wouldn't let that happen. The risk of herself, of Louis or Donna, or of poor Rachel being dragged into this was too high. He had to protect them all before he no longer had a chance to.

She glanced and saw Louis walking towards her. Donna and Rachel closely behind. She called them in, taking the cowards way out by telling them all at once instead of individually. She knew it was selfish but her heart couldn't handle having this conversation more than once.

Immediately Donna knew something was wrong. The faint tear stains on Jessica's face, a woman who prided herself on her ability to control her emotions, was enough to put her on edge.

"Everyone sit down" Jessica spoke softly, a notice quiver in her voice. "We need to talk"

She waited until everyone had found a seat in her office. She moved to close the door. With her back to them she took a deep breath and prepared herself for what was to come.

"Mike called this morning. He took a deal this morning. Eighteen months and ten years probation" she spoke softly.

Rachel's eyes immediately filled with tears, a smile evident.

She jumped up from her seat "oh my god that's great" even the powerful Rachel Zane was not naive enough to think he would walk away from this with nothing.

Louis stood with her giving her a tight hug telling her how happy he was that things would be alright.

Donna stayed silent. This news was too joyous to be the reason for Jessica's tears. Louis interrupted before she could ask anything

"How did he manage that, yesterday Gibbs was out for blood. Seems like a lenient punishment, too good to be true" he said cautiously finally realising someone was missing. "Where is Harvey?" He spoke softly.

Jessica's throat caught her mouth, suddenly too tight to breath. She wondered if this is what Harvey felt during his panic attacks. The feeling of hopelessness gripping your body, the panic and fear of the Unknown, chest clenching tightly not knowing if you would take another breath.

Donna stood, preparing herself for the heartache she was sure was about to come.

"Harvey presented himself at the district attorney's office this morning. He exchanged himself in favour of mike getting a lighter sentence"

No one spoke. No one moved. The gravity of the situation even took the smile of Rachel's face.

"How long?" Donna was first to speak, her voice so soft it could barely be heard.

"Six years" her voice flat, filled with defeat.

That was the last thing Donna Paulson heard before her eyes rolled back in her head and her body went plummeting towards the ground.

Six years.

 **Thanks for reading! Please please please review**

 **Coming up: we will get to read the letters Harvey wrote to each person ( yes that includes Lucy) over the next couple of chapters. More mike coming up in the next chapter, Donna struggles and Harvey meets his new life!**


	3. Chapter 3

**In a shocking turn of events I actually wrote most of this chapter on a computer. I wonder if that means there will be more spelling mistakes or less. Who knows. Firstly thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I really do read each and every one of them. Secondly, this story will start to jump in time once it gets going, after all six years would mean this story was 600 chapters long. Thirdly, the heart of this story is Harvey centric but will explore the relationships between all characters and how they move on from this both individually and as a family. Last but no least excuse my lack of American knowledge, I live in a tiny corner of the world known as New Zealand, so colloquial terms, your legal and prison systems and how you would naturally speak is slightly foreign to me, and I also spell a few words differently.**

 **That's all for now. Enjoy this slightly longer chapter  
**

 **Enjoy**

 _So who am I today,_

 _I'm caught beneath the shadow._

 _Well, nothing I can say,_

 _For who I'll be tomorrow_

 _\- Six60. Lost_

Two days. I had been two days since she woke up on the floor of Jessica Pearson's office learning the truth that life would never be the same again. It didn't feel real. She had migrated to Harvey's apartment the second she had left the office. Finding comfort in the solace of his condo. She had changed into one of his shirts and sweatpants. They still smelt like his old cologne, filling her nostrils and reminding her of the man who stole her heart. She turned on one of his records, the record left in the player was her favourite of all his records. She smiled sadly to herself, he must have known that she would come here. Her favourite flavour ice cream in the freezer, the comforter she like to snuggle under laying on the couch waiting for her. Even with all that he must have been going through in the hours leading up to his deal he still found time to think of her. His priorities were making sure that they were all alright. She didn't know what to do with that information.

She knew Harvey better than anyone else. She knew how he liked his coffee, what his mood was depending on the way his tie sat against his chest, how he categorized his records and the exact routine he went through every day before work. She, by her own estimation, should have seen this coming. She was Donna, she should have known better than anyone else that Harvey would not just sit idly by watching the people he loved suffer. He was a better than that. He was a better man than she had ever given him credit for. She had blamed him immensely for not standing up for her when Daniel Hardman attacked her, planting evidence to frame her. She had been livid, furious that after all they had been through together than he hadn't stood up for her more. She had felt betrayed that he had so easily stood up for Mike when Jessica threatened to fire him. Then when the tables were turned and it was her facing the chopping block, he had stood at the elevator, wordlessly watching as she took her pride into the elevator and out of his life. She knew that loyalty was big for him, he had trusted that she would come to him with any problems and she hadn't. She had kept to herself, destroyed the evidence, and created a far worse situation for her. He had gotten her back, he had come through on his promise. But the look in eyes when he saw her told her that there had been damage done. He was questioning his trust in her. The woman who he trusted more than any on earth. Donna remembered back to that time, had she trusted him? Why hadn't she gone to him? She didn't want to look too deep for the answers to those questions because she knew deep down that no matter how hard she tried to justify it to herself, she had betrayed him because she didn't trust him to fix it.

She wondered if that was where all their troubles stemmed from. Had the damage done during the Daniel Hardman reign of terror been their undoing years later when she left to go and work for Louis. She knew she had done the right thing for herself, she needed a change. But had she done the right thing for them? Because yes there was a them. His eyes so hurt, his body tense, he had never looked so broken than the moment when she told him she was leaving. For a man who prided himself on his emotional control his eyes really did give away everything she thought to herself. His eyes, in that moment, conveyed more hurt than Donna had ever thought possible. He had told her he loved her, and when he couldn't answer her question she had left. Had she done to him what his mother had done so many years before? When she had enough of their family she simply turned around and left. Should she have fought more? Let it go and moved on without physically leaving him? She saw how much she suffered, his eyes downcast and tired, his body language miserable. She had done that to him and for what? To prove a point? Donna knew that the real clincher, the real dagger into his heart was that she was leaving him for Louis. Louis Litt was the thorn in Harvey's side and it was no secret that he had been trying to get Donna to work for him for years. She had always said no, that her loyalty lay with Harvey and no one else. So why had she chosen him to work for? A part of her knew it was selfish, she wanted to work close enough that she could still see him, talk to him. She always wanted him to know how much he had hurt her, to make him pay, and what better way than to go and work for someone he didn't like.

The man who couldn't explain to her how he loved her, had managed to explain without uttering a single word. She laughed bitterly at this, trust him to find a way out. No, Harvey Specter had told her just how much he loved her when he walked into that D.A's office and signed a deal for his life essentially irradiating anyone but Mike and himself of any responsibility for what happened.

She heard the elevator to Harvey's condo arrive. The irrational, overly emotional part of her hoped it was Harvey, that this was all a dream. She looked up to see none other than Louis Litt walking towards her, none of his usual brashness present.

"Oh Donna..." He said sadly.

In that moment Donna finally let herself cry. Louis rushed over to her, kneeling next to her on the floor wrapping his arms around her. He held her, his shirt now covered in Donna's tears as she let herself mourn the loss of her soul mate. He didn't know if there was anything he could say to make this better. He knew that the person she wanted to be comforting right now was stuck in a cell in some holdup somewhere. Louis knew that nothing he could say could ever take away the pain that Harvey Specter had caused by leaving, and nothing could ever take away the gratefulness that Harvey caused by doing what he did. No, Louis was not the man she needed right now but he was gonna make damn sure that he was there for her. He owed Harvey that much.

"We are going to get through this Donna" He paused as he felt her tense "I don't know how, or when, or what it's going to take. But we will fix this"

She didn't move. She didn't speak. She simply tried to get her tears under control. She had always admired Louis' determination, and she knew that was a quality that Harvey enjoyed in his rival.

"Just before I came to work for you, Harvey told me he loved me" Her breath caught on his name, feeling it burning her tongue, reminding her he wasn't here. Louis stayed silent, not daring to say a word but quietly surprised at this revelation "And I asked him to explain how he loved me" She laughed bitterly to herself.

Louis hadn't known this. He knew for someone like Harvey to admit he loved her would have taken almost all his courage. No one on this earth would deny that he was in love with her and vice versa. He knew that she wasn't finished. That Donna had more to this story that she wanted to get off her chest. He would wait, he'd wait all night if that's what it took for Donna to be able to say what she needed to.

"He couldn't do it. He just looked at me like I was crazy, and left. Then I told him I was going to work for you and he honestly looked like I had driven a knife into his chest" Louis felt his heart fall at hearing her words. He knew how Harvey had felt, but to her it from her after all that had happened, it hurt. "I watched him every day after that at work. Things had gotten so toxic between us that we were barely on speaking terms. Every time I would walk into a room he would leave, when he saw me at the coffee shop he would go pick another shop. I had lost the best friend I had ever had, the man I loved for the last twelve years of my life because he couldn't admit how much he loved me"

"Why did I make him explain to me Louis?" She asked softly

It took him a moment to realise she had spoken to him. He was still processing all that had happened between the all-powerful Donna and Harvey to notice she had stopped speaking and was looking at him.

"What do you mean?" He countered

"I knew he loved me. I knew he loved more than anything. I saw it every day in the way he looked at me and the way he would smile when he saw me come into his office. I spent the last six months fighting with him. I knew he wasn't into talking about feelings and the fact that he had even admitted he loved me was a big deal. But I kept pushing, I pushed and pushed until he snapped. No longer did he see what I wanted from him, all he could see was that I had joined the long list of people who had left him. His mother, Scotty, Zoe, and now me, the one person he thought would never leave" Her voice was far away. He could tell she was somewhere far away. Lost in memories.

"You are nothing like those other woman. Because even though you left him to work for me, you never truly left _him._ You still wanted the best for him. You still cared. He knew all of that" Louis tried to comfort her knowing it was pretty much futile

"But now he has left me" She started, the tears welling again "And I don't know if anything is going to be okay ever again"

She let herself break down again, leaning into Louis, her face once again covered in tears

They had loaded Mike onto the bus early. His hands cuffed in front of him, wearing a white tee shirt and black jeans Rachel had dropped in yesterday, waiting to begin the journey to his new home. He had it explained to him that the bus drove to the various holding facilities transferring prisoners to the variety of prisons that lay outside the city. He was expected to sit there, some small talk was allowed, but moving out of your seat or causing any problems was no to be tolerated. There were three prisoners on the bus when Mike had been taken on. The first was chained at both the hands and feet, the other two wore simple cuffs like Mike. They were awaiting the final prisoners to be loaded on before heading off to pick up more. The bus itself was old and dirty, the windows all covered with bars, the seats worn, the faint smell of old B.O and dirt filled his nose. It certainly wasn't the private limos Mike had gotten accustomed to riding in.

Mike looked up as the next prisoner was brought on. His breathing came to a halt when he realized who it was. There, in front of his eyes, was Harvey. In grey sweatpants, a tight black tee shirt was the man he considered a father. Harvey was escorted with his hands cuffed in front of him and attached to a belt around his waist. His feet in similar cuffs connected together by a thin chain. His eyes downcast, his body language stiff, the guards led him down the aisle and deposited him in the seat across from Mike.

Mike couldn't stop staring at him. This was the final time he was going to see the man who had become his mentor, friend and father. The man who was only sitting on this bus because of Mike. The man who had willingly sacrificed his freedom so that Mike could rebuild from this. But Harvey? He never could. There would be no practicing law after he got out. There would be no more million dollar condos and strings of beautiful woman. Gone were the expensive suits, alcohol and fast cars. It was Mike's fault that Harvey had all of that ripped from him. Mike noticed that at no point had Harvey acknowledged he was there. His eyes down the whole way to his seat and once he was sitting his eyes had gone straight out the window, ignoring everything that was going on around him.

The bus took off, Mike was too preoccupied with Harvey to even notice any new comers. Would Harvey want to see him? Probably not. Would Harvey be mad at him? He'd be stupid not to. Would Harvey ever forgive him? That one he wasn't so sure about. Harvey was a simple man when Mike thought about it. He ran on basic principles of loyalty, trust and honour. Those times where he had promised Mike that no matter what happened he would always protect him, well Mike now realised that he wasn't making idle promises. When push came to shove, Harvey stood up, and now because of that was going to lose the next six years of his life because of it. He hadn't asked Harvey to do it, but he deep down knew that this was the most likely outcome. Harvey would never abandon him, he hadn't done it before, and he wouldn't start now.

"Harvey?" Mike called out softly once they had been traveling for about half an hour. The silence was killing him. Harvey's eyes hadn't moved from the spot on the window, not one single movement had been made.

Mike knew Harvey had heard him though. He had worked with the man long enough to know the man's mannerisms. Harvey's eyes flicked ever so slightly to the left, he tilted his jaw slightly. Mike had his attention, now he needed to figure out what to say.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this but I need to say it anyway. Thank you for doing what you did. Thank you for putting yourself last and protecting everyone" Mike paused "But Harvey, I'm so sorry that my stupid decision to make you hire me has made you now lose everything. I know what you're thinking, that no one makes you do anything and that you are equally as to blame and that this is your punishment. But it's not Harvey, you've done nothing but protect me from day one, and now this? How do I even repay that? I will never forget what you did for me. In eighteen months when I get out I'm going to find a way to fix this"

Mike knew he wasn't going to get a response. He watched through blurry eyes as Harvey lifted his jaw, choosing to go back to staring out the window as opposed to talking to Mike. He had no way of knowing what Harvey would think of what he had said. He panicked, he wasn't expecting to see Harvey here, he wasn't expecting that this of all moments was going to be the last.

Before he knew it they were pulling up to a stop and Mike's name was called. He was being sent to a minimum security prison because he posed no danger to public or inmate safety. Harvey however, mike had learned from Anita, was being sent to a higher security prison due to his influence, power and previous anger management problems. Her smirk when she said this had made Mike want to rip it right off her face. Being on the bus, seeing Harvey already in so many chains, made Mike realise just how different their prison stays were going to be. Once again, he owed Harvey everything.

He stood to move to the front of the bus when a small voice caught his attention.

"Look after yourself Puppy, if I find out you've gone and got yourself killed after all of this. I'll kill you again myself"

Mike smiled to himself. He didn't turn around, he couldn't bring himself to do it. But his heart was overjoyed. The voice was smaller than normal, less bravado, but it was Harvey. Harvey wasn't angry at him, the pet name a testament to that, and the fact that even after all of this, all he had put him through, he still cared about Mike sent his stomach doing flips.

He got outside, looking at what was to be his new home. He turned to have one last glance at the bus, watching as it took Harvey away with it down the road. He wasn't going to see Harvey again. He didn't know how to handle that.

So as he stood outside his new home, the emotion finally caught up with him and the tears started to fall.

Jessica Pearson was hiding. She had been hiding in her apartment ever since she had finished talking to her staff. She couldn't face the world just yet. She knew that in a few days everyone would find out the great Harvey Specter was incarcerated and the shit would well and truly hit the fan.

She prided herself on her ability to separate her personal and professional life. But this? This crossed both of those lines and she wasn't sure where one ended and the other began. The senior partners were not stupid. They would know that Jessica was aware all along that Mike Ross was a fraud, that Harvey Specter had hired him knowing this information and that she had turned a blind eye to this for four years. They would vote her out, take her name off the wall and everything she had worked for would be gone.

She knew she could run. Take her things and move across country and start again. If she played her cards right her reputation would be intact enough that something could be salvaged from it.

Pearson. Specter. Litt

She stopped at the thought of his name. Just last week he had stood down in favour of saving her from being voted out. He had given up the job he loved before he even knew of Mike's arrest so that she could remain on top. His name was going to be taken down anyway but come the breaking of this news his name would be taken down before she could even blink. Jessica was aware how this world worked, clients would leave, partners would be furious and his name would now be worth no more than the dirt on someone's shoe, if not even less. That thought made her furious. He would be worth nothing now. All the cases he had won, the good he had done and the people he had worked day and night for would now be useless. Nothing good would ever be associated with the name Harvey Specter anymore.

It wasn't fair.

No one had worked harder than him. No one had put more passion and energy into every case he worked. No one had the same level of pull with judge, rival and associate alike. More importantly, no one had ever threatened Jessica Pearson, got away with it, and come out better for it.

He made a mark everywhere he went. People remembered who he was, what he looked like, what he was capable of. People feared him, they respected him, they worshiped him. Now he would be nothing more than a name mentioned at water coolers as they discussed what a shame it was, and how did no one see it coming and that they always thought he was up to something. Sure his going about it wasn't the greatest but Jessica knew that he did it all for the right reasons. Mike was a kid with some much potential, so much talent. He had ended up in a life that he didn't want, going nowhere. Harvey had taken him from a life that was surely going to lead to an early death and given him a new change. Mike, like a fish to water, had jumped at the chance. And she couldn't blame him for that, she would have done the same thing. So when people stood at the watercooler and gossiped about their personal opinions of Harvey, she would make sure that they knew that he was more of a man than anyone she had ever met.

The guilt was crushing. Harvey was only doing what he thought was right. Mike was taking what he was given and jumping into a new life. She should have seen this coming. She should have known this was all going to end eventually. It was her job as managing partner to have seen this coming. This beautiful, brilliant lie was never going to last. And no matter how many ways she looked back on the whole thing she could only ever find fault with herself. When she had found out and told Harvey to fire Mike, she knew he was never going to do it. When he threatened to quit she should have called his bluff. If she had simply fired Mike, let Harvey walk away as well, then they would both still be there. Harvey wouldn't be giving up everything and Mike wouldn't be leaving his fiancé behind to spend the next eighteen months thinking of how different things could have been.

Picking up the letter that Harvey had left for her she stared. She knew Harvey well enough to know he wouldn't just completely leave without saying some form of goodbye so when her mailman handed her the letter she knew exactly who it was from even before she had read her name in his penmanship. With a sigh, she ripped open the letter and started to read

 _Jessica_

 _I am truly sorry that I didn't tell you what I was planning to do and that you had to find out from god knows who. The things is, I know you, and I know you would have tried to talk me out if it. I couldn't let you do that._

 _We both know that if this had gone to trial Mike would be going away for a hell of a lot longer. You, me, Donna, Louis, and whoever else they managed to pull out of the woodwork would be going down with him. I couldn't do that to you, or to any of them. This was my mistake. I hired the kid knowing he was a fraud and then when everyone told me it was a bad idea I didn't listen, surprising I know, and let this all continue. So when I realised sitting in the office with you that there wasn't any way out of this I knew what I had to do._

 _Your life. Donna's life. Louis' life. They all mean so much to me. The fact that I can write this letter knowing that I don't have to worry about what's going to happen to you all anymore is the most at peace I've felt since this whole thing start. I know you will be feeling guilty, that somehow this is all your fault. It's not your fault Jessica, I don't blame you for a second and I know Mike wouldn't either. Because Jessica, if there wasn't a you, then there would never have been a me and there wouldn't have been a Mike. And do I regret that this has happened? Yes, I regret that we have put you all through this. But do I regret hiring Mike? Not in the slightest._

 _I gave the kid a chance when everyone else had turned their backs on him. I was taught that sometimes people deserve a chance by you Jessica. You found me in that mailroom, an angry, self-centred kid who was so pissed off at the world I was letting it all pass by me. You took me in, gave me a second chance and gave me the self-belief that I could become something more than I was. No one had ever believed in me so much. Then Mike came along and I had the same chance to give someone else what you gave to me. Watching the lawyer Mike has become, and the man he has made himself into fills me with so much pride that I can't be mad for anything that's happened. I know that you might not believe any of this, that you will think I must blame you. But I don't Jessica. We both know that I would have gotten my way, and the moment I hired Mike was the moment I knew I was dancing with fire and I didn't want to stop. So please, let it go, forgive yourself and move on._

 _I never told you much about my real mother Jess. When she left after I had told my father of her affairs she looked me in the eyes. She stood there and told me that I was a disgrace, a coward that wouldn't amount to anything. She told me that anyone would be stupid to believe in me, one day everyone was going to realise what scum I was and that she wouldn't be around to pick up the pieces. She told me she regretted the day I was born and that I was the biggest mistake of her life._

 _I believed her Jess. I carried around those words for years. They consumed everything about me. But you came along. You believed in me. You thought that I was worth something. You saved my life Jessica Pearson. You might think that you have ruined my life by letting Mike work for the firm, but Jess, there wouldn't me a life to lose if it wasn't for you. I would no doubt have ended up a drug addict, homeless on a one way ticket to prison with the life I was living. You became more important to me than any woman ever had._

 _So Jessica Pearson, I want to thank you._

 _I want to thank you for being a great mentor, teaching me everything I know._

 _I want to thank you for putting up with all the shit I've put you through._

 _I want to thank you for never giving up on me even when I gave you every reason under the sun to._

 _I want to thank you for letting me get away with having Mike in the firm for as long as you did. I liked having the kid around too much to get rid of him_

 _Most of all, Thank you for being the best stand in mother a guy could ask for. You took a role that I never thought could be filled._

 _Please look after the others. Do everything in your power to make sure that they are all ok. I will ring you when I get settled in but for now I need to do this alone. Please don't try and visit me until then. I will talk to you soon._

 _Love,_

 _Harvey_

 _P.S if you ever tell anyone about the girly shit I wrote in this letter I will deny it all._

By the time Jessica Pearson was finished the letter she was nothing more than a puddle of tears on the floor, the reality of the situation finally hitting her.

Harvey had never felt so humiliated in his life.

From having to endure Mike seeing him chained like an animal, something he would've died before letting happen. He smiled to himself thinking of Mike's words. He didn't want an apology or thanks, he had done the right thing and that's all that matters. It was still nice to hear his voice, to know that Mike appreciated the sacrifice that Mike had made. Harvey was overjoyed when he heard Mike would be serving his sentence in a minimum security facility. The puppy wouldn't last one minute with the big dogs. Watching Mike being hauled off the bus brought up more emotions than he expected. The kid he had seen every day for the last five years being led away, knowing that they weren't going to see each other for nearly two years. He didn't want to admit how much the kid meant to him. He knew that Mike didn't need him to explain it, he already knew.

When it came his turn to be hauled out, the process slower due the damn ankle cuffs, he stood outside the gates of his new home. Thick barbed wire fences and high walls surrounded it. It looked so much more daunting than ever before. Other cons lined the fences, yelling taunts to Harvey and the four other men being delivered here. He had never in his life heard such crude remarks. He knew that this was only a small taste of what was to come. He had been in plenty of prisons before, but visiting a client in the visitor's room was a heck of a lot different than being hauled in chains through the front door knowing you weren't going to walk out again for nearly a decade.

The warden had greeted them. He had explained to the five of them what life was going to be like from now on. Rules were strict, punishment was enforced and obedience was expected. Wake at 6am, stand outside your cell for count, breakfast, rec, lunch, dinner, locked in for the night at 5 30pm for lights to go out at 10, how to walk, where to look. Harvey was feeling a little more than lost as the warden continued to rattle off the rules and expectations. At the end he thanked them for listening and said he hoped they enjoyed their stay. Harvey's first clenched in anger at his last remarks but he forced himself to calm down.

First they were locked into holding cells to await processing. He had his mugshot retaken and his person details checked with the clerk. He was asked to provide a list of people who he would ok to visit him. Jessica, Marcus, Louis. Those were the three names he gave, the lady did inform him that he could change the list at any time they just needed a few days to process. He didn't why he put Louis on the list, maybe because he could trust Louis to give it to him straight. He knew for sure that he was never letting Donna anywhere near the inside of this building, he wouldn't let him see her like this. Next he met with the psyche team who evaluated his wellbeing and set goals. He thought that the whole exercise was stupid, his only goal was to get out alive – whatever that took.

Next was the moment Harvey wanted to crawl into a hole and die. They stripped him naked, checking him for any form of contraband. Making him squat and stretch just to be sure. He had never been ashamed of his body. For his age he was more than well-built and had managed to stay in shape. In that moment however he had never felt so dirty, never wished he wasn't built the way he was, and never felt so unsure of himself in his own skin. They then handed him his clothing, toothbrush and complimentary bible. The sum of his personal belongings now held in his hands. The underwear was scratchy, the grey khaki type pants itched against his skin, the white tee shirt fitting surprisingly well to his frame and a matching grey button up tee shirt the final nail in taking away his former identity.

Finally dressed, he was cuffed again and led down a variety of narrow corridors each door made of heavy metal and pin locked. He was explained the rules, he had to walk on the left side of the corridor, no running, no stopping and when being lead anywhere talking wasn't allowed. They reached the cell block that would be his new home. He was being held in a unit of prisoners convicted of non-violent but still posed a threat. The guard led him along the line of cells, each one behind a large metal sliding door, a small window at the front the only view. They stopped outside what he could only assume was his new home. The tiny cell that would be his home for the next six years of his life. The guard called out for the door to open and he was lead inside. His face was pressed into the back wall and the cuffs around his wrists were taken off. He was ordered next to put his hands against the wall shoulder width apart and not to move them. Next the shackles off his ankles were removed and he noticed how much lighter they felt. The guard then instructed him that he was not allowed to move from that spot until the cell door was locked behind him.

With a snicker the guard then exited the cell yelling "Welcome to your new life Fish" as he exited.

Harvey looked around. The guard having placed his belongings on a small desk built into the wall. He put his clothes on the shelf next to it. In the corner was a small toilet and sink. He was lucky enough to be in a prison that had single occupant cells. He didn't know whether he could handle having a roommate on top of everything else. The cot, no bigger than a child's bed was against the wall. The mattress feeling more like a slab of concrete than any bed he had ever felt was already made. The tiny room felt suffocating.

He heard the fellow cons in his unit yelling out. One of the men who arrived with Harvey was sobbing and crying loudly, praying that this would end. He knew that if he joined in that he would be ridiculed the same way this man was being. The lights went out signalling that they were now expected to go to sleep.

He lay staring at the ceiling for hours. His sleep deprived body desperate for relief that wouldn't come. He thought of his friends, of his family. How was Marcus going to take this? How was he going to make this up to them? The more important question on his mind was what the heck was instore for him in the next six years. He sure as hell knew it wasn't going to be easy.

This was day one of the next six years of his life.

And with that thought Harvey finally let the emotion of it all catch up with him. In the darkness of his cell he let quiet sobs take over his body as the tears poured down his face. He never let out a sound, but his soul was screaming.

Harvey felt broken.

 **Coming up next: Harvey adjusts to life in prison (I promise some hurt harvey is coming in the next few chapters) Also we have little bit more Rachel and Mike. We will slowly make our way through the letters that Harvey wrote to each person. Next chapter Rachel, after that who knows.**

 **And yes we will see Marcus popping in soon for all of you wanting to see that relationship**

 **Leave a review. Leave some advice. Leave some thoughts about what you want to see.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again, for the second chapter in a row it was written on a computer. I'm on a bit of buzz so this chapter was written as soon as I had finished chapter three (with a few minor edits). Its too bloody hot outside to do anything here hence why my productivity has increased.**

 **We are going to start moving into the bulk of the storing now. The background has been set and now we move forward. This chapter starting one month since Mike and Harvey began their prison term. I'm going to slowly start building the drama and all you Hurt Harvey fans won't have to wait too much longer.**

 **On with the show.**

 _Those four walls now,_

 _Are the only place that I can breathe out_

 _And those four walls_

 _Now are home_

\- _Broods. Four walls._

One month.

That's how long it had been since he had found himself living his life from inside a prison cell.

He had long since adjusted to the routine of it all. Lights came on at six am. The cell door opened and he was expected to stand at attention for count where they made sure everyone was where they were meant to be. Breakfast came next, a few pieces of burnt toast and a rotten piece of fruit. He then usually went back to his cell and began his morning workout. He did one hundred sit ups, one hundred push ups and then one hundred pull ups from the bar in the roof of his cell. Showering came next, the shock of showering with twenty other men at the same time was something he still wasn't quite used to. He kept to himself, rec time was spent mostly sitting outside on the bleachers, occasionally entering a basketball game with some of the kids in his unit. Lunch was the same affair of gross food and small talk. They did count four times throughout the day, he hated standing there at attention more than he hated most other things. Dinner was had before he'd enter his cell, locked in from five thirty with nothing but his thoughts to occupy his time. Depending on his mood he would exercise some more. His body already showing the improvement this new life had caused him. His muscles more defined, abs now making way on his toned abdomen and his biceps almost double than what they used to be. If he was feeling spiritual he'd read the complimentary bible they had given him, not that he was religious but he enjoyed some of the stories in there. On days where every fiber of his being missed his old life he would write letters, none of them had been posted but plenty had been written.

His hair was no longer styled perfectly, now it hung off his head, messy and slightly longer than he enjoyed. His face no longer clean shaved. Soon he would have a full blown beard if he didn't sort that out. He wondered to himself if he did this on purpose. Chose to let his appearance falter to further separate himself from the life that he left behind. He wasn't the powerful Harvey Specter anymore.

He could already feel the changes in his demeanor. Most people would say he was never very emotive to begin with, not one for small talk and kept largely to himself. They were wrong. But if they could see him now they would all say he was the life of the party in comparison to now. He can't remember the last time he smiled. The shit eating grin that would light up his whole face, the smirk he saved solely for when he outsmarted someone or the shy smile he reserved for Donna, were all now things of the past. He didn't laugh now either, he couldn't find a reason too, laughter meant joy and he sure as hell didn't have any of that left.

Harvey was currently involved in a heated game of basketball. He was lucky enough that most of the guys in his unit were non-violent offenders. Like him, there were some there for fraud. A couple of the guys were in for theft and burglary and a myriad of other offences. There were a few guys on his unit that he steered clear of, knowing that to cross them meant a lifetime of trouble. Thankfully he had found kindred spirits in two of his cell mates. Ryan and George. Both reminded him slightly of Mike, young, impressionable, locked up for reasons out of their control. They didn't talk about feelings, about their life beyond the confinement of prison. But they were easy enough to talk to, and plus, they sucked at basketball.

"Just because you're younger than me, don't think I can't throw you from one end of this court to the other" Harvey quipped. Two on one and he will still up by twenty points.

"Yo, Fish" Their game was interrupted by two large males making their way over to the game. "The name Clifford Danner ring a bell to you"

Harvey gulped. This wasn't going to be good. He held the basketball in his hands, his body defiant as they drew closer to where he was standing.

"What's it to you?" He asked, trying to mask any fear from his voice.

"That's what I thought" The first man said

They advanced towards Harvey. He dropped the basketball gearing for what was to come. As the first man went to throw the first punch Harvey ducked, took a breath in, before charging forward tackling the man to the ground.

The next few moments were a blur for Harvey. He could feel punches connecting with his body as fast as he could feel his own fists slamming into their faces. Two on one was never going to end well for him no matter who skilled at boxing he was. He vaguely heard commotion behind him. Alarms started sounding before two shots rang through the air. Everyone stopped. Time stood still as Harvey found the man pulled off him before three guards roughly flipped him onto his stomach. Guns pressed into his back they painfully pulled his shoulders back to cuff his wrists tightly behind him. His breathing was harsh. He could feel blood rushing out of his nose, his eyebrow, his cheek. The two men were now in similar positions to him, each painfully cuffed in the same manner he was. Before he knew it he was pulled roughly to his feet.

Banks. The guard who oversaw the unit was standing in front of the three men "Well what do we have here?" He said in a sinister tone. His voice portraying the power he held over the three men's lives. "Now you three all know better than try any of this shit in my yard. DON'T YOU?" He may have screamed the last part in a questioning tone, but Harvey knew he wasn't actually expecting an answer from them.

"A month in the hole. That should teach you three maggots how to behave now shouldn't it" He had a tight smile, one you would expect on a snake.

Harvey didn't have much time to process what was said before he was pulled along by the scruff of his neck. He looked back at Ryan and George, both giving him sympathetic looks wondering how their innocent game had ended like this. The guards didn't let up as they dragged him down the corridors to the hole. The solitary confinement rooms were small. A thin mattress on the floor and a bucket to use as a toilet were the only things in the room. Barely enough room to pace, to stretch, to do anything but think. They removed the cuffs and threw him inside, slamming the door behind him. They opened the flap on the door letting a small amount of light in.

"I give it three days Fish before you go bat shit crazy" They smirked "Sweet dreams Fishy"

With that they closed the door, removing all light from the room and leaving him with nothing but his thoughts.

One month in, now one month in the hole.

How the fuck did he let this happen?

One month

She had been trying to save the firm for one month. Nothing seemed to be going her way. The attacks from Daniel and Jack kept coming. Unrelenting. She wasn't even sure how she had managed to hold on for this long.

She walked into the office, staring at the sign outside the elevator. Her heart still clenching every time she noticed the name Specter was no longer there. Pearson, Litt. It just didn't quite have the same ring to it. Gretchen, bless her soul, had cleared Harvey's office for him, meticulously packing all his things into boxing and arranging for them to be kept in storage. His office now empty, she didn't have the heart to give it to anyone else. He had loved that office. It was perfectly arranged, everything had its own special place and he poured his heart into making it perfect. She couldn't let some nobody take it over, turning it into something it was never meant to be. He was meant to be sitting at his desk right now, ordering the associates right now, making some joke about how good looking he was.

She had spoken to him on the phone twice since he had been gone. The first call took her by surprise when she had answered to a recorded message asking her if she would accept a phone call from a prisoner. She had taken it without a second thought.

 _"Jessica?" His voiced asked questioningly_

 _"Oh god Harvey" She fought back tears "It's good to hear your voice again"_

 _Nothing was said between the two of them for a few moments_

 _"How are you? Please tell me you are managing to stay out of trouble?" there was a lightness to her voice, she didn't want this conversation to be overcome with emotion. She knew if she pressed too much too quickly then Harvey would seize up and she would lose her chance to talk to him._

 _"The foods disgusting, the clothes are uncomfortable and if I hear one more person quote Shawshank Redemption I'm going to shoot myself" He quipped back. "But it's ok, all things considered"_

 _"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice again" She spoke truthfully. She had missed this. She had missed him. "I read your letter" She hesitated before saying this, not knowing if it was something he wanted to talk about._

 _"It wasn't to girly was it?" He laughed "I'd had my fair share of scotch when I started writing all of those"_

 _"It was beautiful Harvey. I expected nothing but the highest level of eloquence from you. Even if you were drunk" Jessica knew that there was more she could say, further she could press. Clearly Harvey didn't want to talk about it so she wouldn't press the issue, not now._

 _"How is everyone?" His question laced with fear. Jessica had been expecting that he would ask at some point. She didn't expect him to sound genuinely scared of the answer. It wasn't something she was used to hearing in Harvey's voice and she didn't like it one bit._

 _"We are surviving. Saving the firm is proving to be harder than we expected, Louis and I are doing everything we can think of to try and get us out of this mess. Daniel and Jack are determined to sink us and there doesn't seem to be an easy way out of it" She paused "We all miss you Harvey, its taking some getting used to"_

 _"If anyone can find a way out of this its you Jessica. If someone comes at you with a gun?" He trailed off, a hint of humour in his voice_

 _"I know, you take the gun, or pull out a bigger one, or do one of a hundred and forty seven other options" She laughed despite herself._

 _"How's Donna?" He asked. All traces of humour now gone from his voice._

 _Jessica paused. How did she answer this? How was Donna? How much should she tell him? Her mind was running a mile a second trying to think of how to articulate herself so she wasn't lying to him, but equally not destroying him._

 _"She's…. Donna…" Jessica started_

 _Before she could finish she could hear yelling in the background and Harvey swearing softly under her breath._

 _"Shit Jess, I gotta go, Shoes getting angry I'm keeping him from his mother. It was good to hear your voice again. And remember what I said, you can do this"_

 _He hung up before she could reply. She realised this is what their life would be like from now on. Hurried phone calls once a week if that, visits strictly monitored. She had so much she wanted to say to him. So much to thank him for and to apologize for, so much explaining to do._

She had only heard from him once since then. They didn't speak about the firm. They didn't talk about Donna, or Mike, or anything about their lives. She had told him stories of her collage days. He laughed softly at the wild things she would get up to. In return he recommended some of his records to her, knowing that she would love them.

But that was two weeks ago. She hadn't heard his voice in two weeks. And it felt like forever.

She entered her office, putting on one of his records, letting her mind wander to when times were a little bit simpler. When she didn't have to worry about whether she would have a job tomorrow, whether her friends were safe and whether they were going to be able to survive this.

She couldn't fault the people around her. Louis was working day and night, missing countless theater shows finding a way to beat this. He had taken control of the situation and his passion was overhwhelming.

With a sigh she got up. She couldn't afford to slack off, not now.

When someone pulls a gun to your head, she thought to herself, with his words ringing in her ears she set out to tackle the day with a new found determination.

"Rachel" Mike yelled as soon as he was lead into the visiting area.

Running straight to her arms they pulled each other close in a tight embrace. He was lucky that the visitors room was quiet today, only a few other families taking up spots on the other side of the room. They held each other until a guard made a noise that it was time to let go and sit down. He clung for a second longer before begrudgingly pulling away and taking a seat at the table.

He was lucky. Security wasn't so tough here. They didn't cuff him to go places, he simply had to put his hands behind his back. They were allowed out of their dorms from 6am until 9pm with lights off at 11pm. He shared a room with 5 other men, all of them kind hearted and easy to get along with. Some of them had similar backgrounds, some completely different, but in the one month since he had been here they had yet to have any huge dramas.

He looked at Rachel. She took his breath away every time he saw her. She was so drop dead beautiful. Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, everything about her was perfect. He was a lucky man that she still came to see him once a week, making the two hour drive every Saturday to see him.

"How have you been?" She asked. This was the question she started with every time she came to see him. His wellbeing always being her top priority.

"Good, good. I've been helping some of the guys learn to read. Its crazy how some of them can make it to adulthood and still not even know the alphabet" He smiled.

"Trust you to be sent to prison and still find a way use your crazy brain for good" She smiled.

Conversation always flowed between them. There weren't any awkward pauses, no strained conversation both pretending that they were fine. They did however tend to avoid conversations about the state of their relationship. Not once had she told him that she didn't want to marry him anymore, nor had he asked if she still loved him the same way she did before he was arrested.

"Jessica heard from Harvey last week" She stated softly.

Harvey. That was also another topic of conversation they tended to avoid. Sure, Rachel would mention how Donna was coping and how Louis was trying to be her rock. They would talk about the firm and how any day now it was going to come falling down. But never once had they directly talked about Harvey himself. Rachel knew it would be a sore spot for Mike, the guilt still eating away at him.

"How, uh, god, how is he?" Mike asked uncertainly. The mention of his former mentors name sending shivers down him spine.

"Apparently seems to be keeping himself out of trouble, did nothing but complain about the food according to Jessica" She tried to keep her voice light, neutral, not knowing how entering this uncharted territory was going to go down with Mike. "She said he sounded tired, but other than that she didn't mention a whole lot. I don't think she really wanted to talk about it"

Mike said nothing for a few moments. Collecting his thoughts, squashing down the rising wave of emotion he was feeling. Sure he was glad to hear that Harvey was by all accounts doing alright, it still didn't prevent the rush of emotion he felt. Harvey should be on the golf course. He should be enjoying life eating whatever ridiculous contraption he paid for from the various karts around the city. Instead he was sitting in a cell, living off rotten food with far more restrictions than Mike was under here.

He had met a man who had supposedly been in the same prison that Harvey was in a few years earlier. He had quizzed this man on every detail of what life was like. The guards were tough, using force whenever they felt like it. Freedom was limited, cuffs and chains being the jewellery of choice. Food was awful. Cells were small. Inmates were temperamental. From his estimation, Mike was practically in the four seasons compared with what Harvey was living with.

"He saved me. He saved us" Mike started before realizing what he said "There is still an us right?"

She heard the quiver in his voice. The tender tone of uncertainty behind his words "Do you really think I would drive a four hour round trip to spend less than hour with you if I didn't think there was an us?" She said strongly "I love you Mike and nothing is going to change that. Not some stupid fraud, not these four walls and certainly not eighteen months for the man I've waited my whole life for"

He leaned in and kissed her. God he loved this woman.

They finished up soon after, a guard yelling that visiting hours were now over. They hugged again, he pressed his lips against hers, tasting the strawberry flavour of her favourite lip gloss. He watched with sad eyes as she left, he himself being lead back into the common room to re-join his chess game. Seven more days and he could do this all over again. He knew it wasn't much but he certainly felt like the luckiest man on earth.

17 months to go

Rachel wondered if this would ever get any easier. Seeing him wearing the god awful green track pants and white shirt, gone were the suits he had looked so good in. An hour every week and maybe a few phone calls if he got the chance. That was what their relationship had become.

She knew her parents didn't approve. They couldn't understand why she was putting her life on hold for a man she couldn't be with for nearly two years. Robert Zane had tried to understand her daughters reasoning, tried to see it from her side but she didn't care. It was her life not theirs.

She did enjoy the drive back to the city. It gave her time to clear her head and put her back on her game before she went back to reality. Almost everyone had been to see Mike thus far, even the great Jessica making an appearance. They had reasonably relaxed visiting hours, most days of the week the inmates were allowed visitors. She knew that he appreciated it, the fact that they hadn't all turned her back on him by now. He spoke fondly of each of his visits, his smile lighting up his entire face. The only person who hadn't yet made the visit was Donna. Her heart broke at the thought of Donna. The fiery red head had been trying her best to put on a brave face, showing up to work each morning ready to take on the world. Rachel knew her better, she knew that Donna was putting on a front, that her heart was broken and she was hurting. Rachel understood why Donna hadn't been to see Mike. Seeing Mike would be an all too painful reminder of where Harvey was, and the fact that she couldn't go to see him.

When she reached home she placed her keys on the bowl, kicked off her shoes and headed for the couch. This was the apartment she was meant to be sharing with Mike. This was where they were going to start their lives together. Now she spent her evenings alone. Nothing to keep her company but the purr of the cat she had adopted to quell her loneliness. Muffin, that's what she had called the small grey cat serving one purpose and one purpose only, to make sure that she didn't lose her mind. So far, she was serving her purpose and keeping Rachel sane.

All the talk of Harvey today had made her think of the letter than was sitting on the kitchen bench. It had been staring at her for a month now. She had no idea what the man who barely knew her name could possibly want to say to her. Sure, she had become closer to Harvey as her relationship with Mike grew, but she wouldn't have considered them close. So when the letter arrived at her door she wasn't sure what to think of it. Curiosity was now getting the better of her.

R _achel_

 _I wasn't sure whether or not you would want to hear from me. So I guess if you are reading this then you couldn't help but see what I had to say. You always were too curious for your own good._

 _You are an excellent lawyer Rachel. You've worked hard to be where you are and I thoroughly enjoyed our time working together. I know that we weren't close, barely even friends but I can say with one hundred percent of my heart that every minute of it was worth it. I'm sorry that I didn't get to know you sooner, that I didn't give you a chance to prove yourself earlier._

 _I am truly sorry about what this mess has caused you. You didn't deserve to lose Mike when you had only just began to start your lives together. I don't know where my meeting with the D.A tomorrow is going to end up, but I highly doubt that Mike is going to walk out of this without some sort of punishment. So, if Mike does end up going to prison, please know that I will have done everything I can to get him as light of a sentence as possible. If he does by some miracle walk away from this, which I doubt he will, then treasure every second you have with him because that Puppy is head over heels for you. If he does go away, for whatever time that may be, I want you to try and remember how much you love him. He loves you more than I can put into words. He has done everything he could to protect you. I'm not telling you that you have to wait for him, I'm not trying to say put your life on hold. If I know your family then they are going to want you to run as far from Mike Ross as you can get. All I'm trying to say is that one or two or three years is not the end. You have to ask yourself, when Mike asked you to marry him, when you were ready to say 'in sickness and in health, for better or for worse' did you know that one day this could happen. Because if you knew that, then you need to ask yourself why you said yes, knowing that Mike was going to live the rest of his life trying hide this lie._

 _That's about all the advice I've got in my system. I'm not exactly known for my relationship advice._

 _You are a great lawyer Rachel. You have a heart of gold but a tenacity second to none. You can get through this Rachel._

 _Look after Mike for me,_

 _Harvey._

She understood for the first time reading that letter where Mike's appreciation for his former boss came from. The almost hero-worship that seemed to never leave Mike. Harvey was kind. He was gentle. Behind everything he tried to portray to the world, his first and only concern was the well-being of the people around him. Rachel could tell he wrote this letter the night before he turned himself in. She knew that there were a few others who had received similar letters from the man himself. There he would have been, realising all he was about to give up and he still wanted to make sure that they were all ok.

All this time she had been thinking about Mike, how long Mike had to go, how Mike was getting on, how Mike was going to move on from this. Only when Donna painfully reminded her that Harvey was gone did she spare a thought for him. The guilt for this was now overwhelming because when he was facing spending the foreseeable future in prison, his first thoughts had still been for those around him.

She picked up her glass and put up a silent toast to Harvey. To the man she never gave enough credit to.

One month down.

Seventy one months to go.

 **Coming up next: For all you Donna fans I'm going to try and include some hardcore Donna for you all and Harvey gets released from the hole and gets a visitor.  
**

 **P.S I wonder if you all have picked up I'm terrible at dialogue haha. Enjoy, please give it a review, the good the bad the ugly, I love to hear it all.**


	5. Chapter 5

**And here we are. I know I promised you all some Donna so this is your first little snippet, the next chapter will have even more Donna in it don't you worry. Back to the iPhone writing once again so please excuse any mistakes.  
**

 **On with the show.**

 _So wake me up when it's all over,_

 _When I'm wiser and I'm older,_

 _All this time I was finding myself,_

 _And I didn't know I was lost._

 _Avicii, Wake me up._

Two months

Donna was violently ripped from her restless sleep as another nightmares of what Harvey must be enduring plagued her mind. The injustice, the brutality, the inhumane conditions he must be forced to bare made her stomach contents want to make themselves known once again.

Not that she had been eating very much lately, or sleeping. She hadn't asked anyone about how Harvey was doing, she had overheard across the watercooler that Jessica had spoken to him on the phone twice. She didn't stick around to hear any of the details of how their conversation went. She was unsure whether she wanted to know or not. Would knowing make her nightmares go away, or would they magnify them, finally being able to put fact to her overzealous imagination? She knew they had all been to see Mike, all bar her. From what she could gather he was doing well, managing to make a few friends and largely keeping himself out of trouble, hopeful to apply for early parole. She couldn't bring herself to see him, to see what it was like for him knowing all too well that it was one hundred times worse for Harvey. She knew Mike would understand that she couldn't do it. And she knew her work family would be equally as understanding why she stayed away.

Donna was aware of the worry her co-workers felt for her. They made quiet reminders when she hadn't stepped away for her lunch break. They made her go home early when her face betrayed the little sleep she was managing to get. They tried to act the same whilst still acknowledging what was happening. It was an impossible balance, but every single one of them was trying, and she could not fault them for that.

Louis and Jessica had spent the last two months fighting for the firm. They had spent every waking moment trying to find a solution to the problems that Mike and Harvey had created. With Jack and Daniel lurking behind every corner they were pushed against a wall.

When someone pulls a gun.

Jessica had broken the news to them with Harvey's trademark line. She felt her knees go weak hearing the words come out of someone else's mouth.

Jessica and Louis had decided to sign over rights to the firm provided they could pick ten of their clients to take with them. They were setting up a new office on the other side of town under the name Pearson Litt & Associates. Jessica wanted to pay tribute in some way to the fact that two very large parts of the firm were missing. Donna thought it was a sweat tribute. They had all been working twenty four seven trying to get everything ready for the new firm. They had ten clients, they needed to times that by ten and double it before they could something even close to the client base they needed. They were all shocked by the loyalty shown to them, clients and associates all willing to jump ship and work under the people they respected most.

The new offices were in a small skyscraper. Lower down floors. The view considerably less impressive.

Donna was remaining as Louis' secretary. As much as it hurt her soul to have to walk through the doors and be reminded that he wasn't there, she needed her family right now and if anyone knew what she was going through it was them. They had stood by her side even when her emotions got a hold of her. They didn't judge her when she had to take a moment to gather her composure. They loved her, and she was more grateful than she could ever put into words.

There were reminders of Mike and Harvey in the office. Jessica had pulled all of Harvey's records and displayed them in the exact order they were in his office in hers. No one touched them. They had a small collection of records they brought that would fill the office but no one dared to play any of his originals. Mikes fake degree hung in Rachel's office proudly, no one caring that it meant nothing. Any new staff member was briefed on what had happened and then any bad mouthing of either of the two legends was not accepted and was immediate grounds for dismissal. So far all had lived up to their promise of respecting the men whom this very firm was based off.

Donna decided to give up on going back to sleep in favour of going to the office. It was early, only six a.m. but she had a pile of work that wasn't going to do itself. She still dressed the same for work. She knew how much Harvey used to delight in her various outfits and she vowed to stay immaculately dressed at work until the moment her returned. There was no traffic on the way in so by 6.45 she was sitting behind her desk piling through her work

Jessica arrived next. She saw Donna sitting there and her heart broke a little bit more for the redhead. Everyone could see how much she was struggling to cope with the loss of Harvey.

"Donna can I have word?" Jessica asked as she passed by her desk. Not stopping to hear her answer she continued strutting down towards her new office.

Donna followed quietly taking a seat on one of the many couches. The office was smaller than Jessica's old office. It had a more homely feel to it, more inviting, warmer.

"I realised that in the rush of setting up the new office that I hadn't managed to touch base with you" Jessica paused "how are you Donna?" She stressed this out.

"I, yeah, good, I'm great" Donna rushed this out, her body tight and smile forced.

"Donna" Jessica said sternly, her disapproval making itself known in her tone. She knew she was lying, Jessica Pearson had known Donna long enough to know the woman was struggling.

"I just don't know how to be me anymore" donnas voice nearly non-existent. Emotion laced in every word. "I don't know how to be me without him"

For the first time in over two months she had finally said it out loud. She had finally admitted it out loud and to someone else that she wasn't sure who she was anymore. Sure she had gotten used to not seeing him when she went to work for Louis. But she had still seen him though, she'd watched him walk down the halls, he had visited her apartment and although it always ended in tears, he had still been there. Now there was nothing. No witty comments, no sarcastic comments about Louis' fake wife, no watching him beat down rivals, win huge lawsuits and be the person he chose to celebrate each of these wins with. Without Harvey Specter in her life; she wasn't sure she could be Donna Paulson anymore.

"It's just hard to know that we left on such bad terms. That he went in there thinking that I hated him. There was nothing that could ever make me hate him, even after everything. I still love him Jessica, and I don't know how to keep going knowing that he thinks I hate him"

The tears were now pouring off her face. She was goddamn sick of crying. Every day she felt like she was loosing more and more of herself. She knew she had lost weight, eating was not high on her priority list. Her usual radiating beauty was now hidden behind scruffy hair, the same outfits she wore last week. She had lost her way.

"Donna, I've known you a long time, and I've known Harvey even longer. Trust me when I tell you this Donna because I'm only going to tell you once, Harvey doesn't hate you. Harvey is capable of being a cold hearted son of bitch when he wants to be, but he has never ever been capable of hating you"

"But what I said to..." Donna start, promptly being cut off by Jessica again

"He did this to protect us all. He did this so we wouldn't have to suffer. Don't make what he did a waste by killing yourself slowly over what he does or doesn't not think of you"

With that Jessica stood, signally the conversation was now over. She could tell Donna all the ways Harvey loved her until she was blue in the face, but none of that would matter. Donna needed to hear it from Harvey. Donna needed to know that even after everything they had been through Harvey was still head over heels in love with her. Nothing Jessica could say would convince her. Donna needed to come to this realisation on her own.

Donna went back to her desk her mind running a mile a second. She needed to figure out how to move forward for herself, and for Harvey.

* * *

Darkness.

His whole life now consisted of darkness.

His only way of keeping track of days was the three times daily meal delivering in which he had fleeting moment of light enter the cell as they slid his meal to him. He figured that his time in the hole must nearly be coming to an end. He would never complain about the mess hall food again, it was luxurious in comparison to the slime they fed him here.

He was sure he was going insane. With nothing but his thoughts to occupy his time, in a tight cell surrounded by darkness. The great Harvey Specter losing his mind.

"Why couldn't you just tell me you loved me Harvey?" The figure of Donna stood disapprovingly leaning against a wall.

"Why did you do this to us Harvey? Why did you have to be so selfish. Always thinking of yourself consequences be damned" Louis appeared next to her.

"I trust you when i put your name on the door. I trusted you when I took you from the mailroom and put you through Harvard. This is how you repay us? Hiring a fraud and ruining all of our lives" Jessica's voice cold as ice.

The visions of the people from his former life plagued his every moment in the hole. He tried everything he could to get rid of them, exercising vigorously as much as one could in a 6x9 cage, he tried reciting every album in his record collection in alphabetical order backwards, nothing could make them go away.

How had he already managed to get himself in this situation? His plan was always to keep his head down, so his time, and get the hell out of this place. Marks against his name meant they could lengthen his sentence, deny his parole or make his stay in this hell a whole lot worse. He was never one to back down from a fight. Those two goons had it coming. If they were going to come at him then he wasn't just going to lay down and take it. Doing that had its own consequences, ones that he didn't fancy finding out.

He was surprised at how quiet solitary was. Prison was strangely loud. The noises of verbal and physical altercations, the slamming of cell doors closing, the nightmares plaguing his fellow inmates. It didn't matter what time of day it was, there was always noise. Down here it was different. Guards didn't routinely walk down the corridor as there was no way to get out. People didn't make small talk between cells, each trapped in their own personal hell. The only sounds came during meal delivery and even then the guards chose not to speak apart from throwing the occasional taunt. He was used to noise. He liked noise. His old life was filled with noise. Be it his fathers records playing, mike incessantly talking his ear off or one of his clients storming in to speak to him. Noise had been the staple of his life and the stillness of solitary was starting to drive him down.

"Yo law, it's your lucky day" Harvey was pulled from his stupor by the sound of the guards coming down the corridor. "You know the drill law, stand up, hands on the wall"

Harvey pushed himself up and stood the way they expected him to. Hands braced against the wall waiting for the inevitable feeling of cuffs trapping his limbs. The door opened and before Harvey knew he was once again shackled for transport. He couldn't help the sigh of relief that flooded his system, this meant he was getting out of here.

The light hurt his eyes as he was lead down the corridor. He had to press them shut as they headed back towards his cell. He heard his fellow unit yelling a serious of welcome backs as he was lead to his cell. They took the cuffs off and threw him in his cell. Thankfully he still had a few hours left before nightly lock down began. One month without a shower and he didn't want to know what he smelt like right now.

Grabbing his towel he headed towards the shower block, a few people stopping to fist bump him and slap him on the back. He showered as quickly as possible, never wanting to spend more time than necessary in the communal space. Seeing himself in the mirror for the first time gave him a shock. A month without shaving meant that his beard had grown longer than ever before, now hanging off his face four inches long. His face pale having not seen sunlight in forever. His eyes tired. The faint hint of bruises along his cheek and jaw from the fight landing him in this mess to begin with.

He was sick of seeing his reflection not liking what he saw. He quickly threw on his prison issue clothing and headed out to the yard to finally soak up the sunlight he had missed so much.

His normal spot on the bleachers wide open, he moved to go and sit there. Ryan and George rushing over him.

"What the hell was that man? Who were those guys?" Ryan asked. Ryan was a thirty-two year old drug dealer, caught selling to a cops kid. He wasn't a big guy, scrawny with barely any muscle on him. His hair always disheveled as if he had just woken up.

"I guess they know someone I used to know" He hated that his voice was scratchy from disuse. He hadn't really felt like talking to himself whilst in the hole, he wasn't that desperate. Those two clowns must be friends of Clifford's, the kid who Harvey had risked everything to free. Sure, he had lost twelve years of his life, but Harvey had genuinely believed he was guilty. Cameron bloody Dennis was the man he once again thanked for the mess he had found himself in.

"Well what are you gonna do about it, cause from where I'm standing they're not going away" Ryan noted

"For now nothing, I need to lay low" Harvey said before the hint of a smirk appeared on his face "But that was two on one, I'm gonna make sure they know they can't mess with me and get away with it. They'll pay, don't you worry"

Ryan and George shared a look. From what they could tell Harvey didn't seem like the type of guy to make idle threats. They just hoped that Harvey knew what he was getting himself into.

* * *

Louis Litt had been in so many prisons before. He was used to the pat down and metal detectors, used to handing in his cellphone and other personal effects before being led into the visitors room.

He noticed the array of guards each standing at the ready gun in hand. The room was busy, the time slot for visiting restricted to 12-4 on a Saturday, never any more. He knew that this wasn't going to be an easy visit. He had no idea what to say, how to act, how he would react.

Finally the man was waiting for rounded the corner. Louis took a moment to take in the sight of the great Harvey Specter. The beard was definitely a surprise, but what took his breath away was how hardened he look. His muscles now defined, almost double in size and Harvey wasn't small to begin with. A frown etched on his face. Pale skin and none of the usual bounce in his step, Harvey looked like a completely different man.

"Louis?" Harvey's voice showing his surprise at who was waiting for him.

"Didn't they tell you I was coming?" Louis squeaked out. His voice small.

"Nah, they don't tell me much these days" Harvey said nonchalantly as he took a seat at the table.

Louis followed Harvey's lead and sat down across from Harvey trying not to stare.

"You've looked better Harvey. How the hell did you get those bruises?" Louis asked. despite them fading to a faint yellow, Louis could see the unmistakable sight of bruises lining Harvey's jaw.

"No big deal. Ran into some old friends, sent to time out to think about my actions" Harvey tried to make his voice sound like the old him. To pretend like none of this was a big deal.

"Goddamnit Harvey you've been in five fucking minutes and you already look like shit" Louis exclaimed.

"Hey. I would look better but I'm still waiting for them approve the conjugal visits with your wife" a hint of Harvey's grin appeared on his face "yeah I know, you don't have one"

Louis gaped. This. This Harvey pretending that everything was OK. Pretending that nothing had changed was too much for him.

"How can you sit here and make jokes Harvey. This is serious and you are acting like you've been sent on a vacation to the Bahamas" The anger seeping into words.

"Louis" Harvey paused "I know this isn't a joke. But I've got six years to spend here and being miserable isn't going to change that. I'm dealing how I deal"

"I just don't know how you can do it" Louis said after a moment. He didn't know what to do anymore.

"Good. That's the point. So you never have to know how I do it because you'll never have to be here trying to figure it out" his tone was so Harvey like, but even Louis knew that although his words were true, everything else was a front

Harvey waited a few moments but when he realised that Louis wasn't going to talk he continued.

"Look Louis. That firm, it was both of our lives and when I hired Mike knowing he was a fraud I put everyone in jeopardy. That's on me. This, all of this, is on me because there was no way I was ever going to let you or anyone else in that firm pay for my decisions" Harvey paused "I might not like saying it Louis, but I do care, and this was what I had to do to prove that"

Louis took it all in. He wasn't used to this strange bearded Harvey that willingly talked about his feelings. The Harvey he knew would have never been caught dead talking to Louis like he was an actual person, or more importantly opening up to him.

"You know we haven't always had the greatest relationship. But I do respect you Harvey and I can't thank you enough for what you did"

"You don't need to thank me, it's already forgotten" Harvey smiled

"You heard about the firm?" Louis asked

When Harvey shock his head in response Louis began to tell him everything. How they had started again in smaller offices. There client base wasn't huge but it was something they could grow. The associates who had jumped shipped vowing their loyalty to Jessica, to Louis, and to Harvey. By the end of it Louis was sure he hadn't left anything else

"And Donna?" Harvey asked tentatively

"She's struggling. It's all been a lot for her to cope with. But she's Donna. She's fighting on and making sure that this new firm hits the ground running. I think it's a good distraction for her" Louis paused "but she's not the same woman and I don't think anything but you walking out of here is going to fix that. We are doing our best to look after her"

Harvey spent a moment soaking in what Louis had said. He knew she wasn't going to be finding it easy but it had still sucked the life out of him to hear it. Louis wasn't giving him the whole story, Harvey was sure of that, which meant she was struggling even more than he was letting on. It tore his heart wide open all over again.

"You're a good man Louis. You look after her for me now will ya?" Harvey said as he stood up. Visiting hours now over.

He moved to the side of the table and held his hand out for Louis to shake. He couldn't hide his smirk when Louis chose to use it has leverage to pull Harvey into a hug.

"I'll look after her you know that, but you need to look after yourself Harvey. All my good work will be undone if i have to tell her you will killed in some prison fight" Louis said sincerely "and for gods sake will you please shave. You look like some kind of wookiee.

Harvey smiled, released Louis and made his way over to the door. He turned around and gave Louis a wink. He made his way back towards his cell and picked up the razor. It was time to get his A game back. Starting with those two pricks that got him locked in the hole to begin with.

Two months down.

* * *

Louis made his way back to the office straight after his visit. Being Saturday he knew the chances of anyone else being there were slim. He just needed to think, to process, and after two months of denial Louis could finally admit to himself the one thing he needed to do -grieve.

Harvey was the brother had never had. Sure they fought, some larger than others. Most of the time Harvey liked to pretend that Louis didn't exist for that matter. Louis knew better though, he had known better for all those years, and he was confident of it now. For all the bravado and stoicism, Louis knew that Harvey was scared. Scared of what would happen to all of them now he was gone, and scared of the fallout that was bound to come. But Harvey had done something that Louis could never overlook, he had entrusted him to take care of the one thing that Harvey cared about most. Donna.

He didn't know how he was going to help her, he didn't know if there was anything. But he had to try. Seeing Harvey had only made this feeling grow stronger within him. If anything happened to Donna, Louis was sure Harvey would find a way to make him pay even if he was locked behind bars. It would be just like Harvey to have made even more powerful connections locked in a prison cell. He had researched the facility where Harvey was wanting to know everything about what his friend was going through. The photos plastered on the website made him feel sick. They were of people smiling, thanking the prison for giving them so many opportunities through education and work programs. That didn't mean shit to him and Harvey sure as hell didn't need it. He saw the vigorous schedule that Harvey was forced to endure, the rules that were expected to be met with nothing but the highest level of obedience. Louis had known Harvey long enough to know that the older man had trouble following the rules at the best of times.

The bruises on Harvey's face concerned him. Even more concerning was the fact that he'd been locked in solitary for it. Louis wasn't stupid, he knew what Harvey meant when he said he was sent to time-out to think about what he had done. How the hell had he managed to get himself in trouble already? If that stupid idiot got his sentence increased for violent behavior, or even worse, got sent to a higher security prison, then none of them would be able to cope. He was the glue that held them all together. The one who wasn't afraid to call them out on their shit, but equally was the first to run in and defend them during war. His jokes lightened the mood and although his violent temper caused them all trouble, he was one hundred percent behind them all, he always had been.

He wouldn't tell anyone he had been to see Harvey. Jessica would pry answers out of him, being none to pleased to find her protege had already got himself in trouble. Rachel would feel guilty that she had the option to visit Mike almost every single day, and although she could only make it once a week, Harvey had only now just received his first visitor after over two months locked him - not that they hadn't all tried. And Donna, hearing that he was already involved in fights and being thrown in solitary would undone all the good progress she had made. No, Louis Litt, as much as he liked to talk and to brag, would not be mentioning to anyone at this firm that he had been the first to see Harvey Specter. Harvey sure as hell wouldn't go blasting it to anyone that listened either, that much Louis could be sure.

He picked up the folded letter that sat in the top drawer of his desk, something he had been scared to read for so long. Louis began to read.

 _Louis,_

 _I'm not going to pretend that you were always my biggest fan, nor I to you._

 _From the moment we started working together we had it out for each other. Our pride, our passion and our desire to be the best always stood in the way of us actually getting to know each other. I hav_ e _always respected you though Louis, I've told you that before. You are a great lawyer and anyone would be lucky to have them represent you._

 _The first time I ever met you I thought you were creepy, sorry I just had throw that out there, but I could see that you had so much potential. You had a way with numbers that I could only dream of having, you had a burning desire in you to get to the top and you weren't afraid of doing whatever it took to get there. I remember being in the bullpen with you, fighting over cases, and I always won. You would beg me to let you have them and I never would. You tried so hard to get me to like you Louis. You tried researching baseball because you knew I liked it. You came in early to ask about how my weekend was and tried to get me to have dinner with you after work. I'm sorry that I never told you how much I appreciated you. I'm sorry that you felt like you needed to do all that to earn my approval._

 _The truth is Louis, you've always had my respect. Although we've had some trying times in the last year or two, I never ever lost that respect._

 _When Donna came to work for you I was devastated. I felt like she had chosen you just to mess with me. What I have no come to realize is that she chose you because you are a far better man than I will ever be. When I treated her like shit, you were there to give her a compliment. When I took my anger and frustrations out unfairly on her, you were there to make her laugh. You have always treated her so well Louis, better than I ever did, and I'm glad than we she chose to leave me that she picked you. You have always had her best interests at heart Louis and I can never thank you enough for that._

 _Look after Jessica. She may pretend that she's tough and that she can handle the world but she can't. She's as human as the rest of us and this will have hit her hard. I know you will both find a way to move on from this and to build something new but don't forget that even the mighty Jessica Pearson needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes. She will spend every waking moment making sure that everyone else is ok, please just do me one favour and stop to make sure she's alright to. And if things get too tough, hit up the coffee cart guy, that always did have a way of loosening Jessica up._

 _I may not always say it, and I may not always show it - but you are like a brother to me. It's your job now to look after the family because I can't do that from here._

 _There is no one I would trust more with my family than you Louis._

 _Thank you_

 _Harvey_

The tears were pouring out of Louis' eyes faster than he thought possible. He had always been en emotional guy, crying at almost anything but this was different. The approval he had been searching for from Harvey for years was now staring him right at the face. His stomach dropped as he realized he didn't want it anymore. He didn't want Harvey's approval if it meant he was giving it to him from a jail cell. He would take every taunt, every mock, every lashing that he had ever received from Harvey if it meant that Harvey was sitting across from him in the conference room doing it. The bittersweetness of it all was crushing. The very thing he had always wanted was now the thing that tore his soul to shreds the most.

But Harvey had trusted him with his family. He had trusted him with Donna and he trusted him to make sure that everything was going to be ok. He had been doing his best for two months now but it was time to step up his game. The family was hurting and it was Louis' responsibility to fix it.

Two months

What felt like a hundred more to go.

Louis needed to make this right.

* * *

 **Coming Up Next: We are going to jump to the six month mark: Six months without Harvey and how is Donna coping? Mike makes a return, as he approaches the halfway point of his sentence he starts thinking of life outside prison. And finally Harvey drama galore in the next few chapters, how exactly did he get his revenge, and where does that leave him now?**

 **Feedback: Who would you like Harveys next visitor to be (but you can't pick Donna because that's already planned for latter) And who would you like the next letter to be for?**

 **Leave a review, have a wonderful day, and the next chapter will be up ASAP**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this chapter took so long. I knew exactly how I wanted it to go but just couldn't seem to get the words on paper. Angst central in this chapter and we are now beginning to set up how the next couple of chapters are going to go. i PROMISE you that Mike will be back in the next chapter, sorry he didn't quite make it into this one.**

 **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, love hearing your thoughts**

 **On with the show**

 _Now again I've found myself_  
 _So far down, away from the sun_  
 _That shines into the darkest place_  
 _I'm so far down, away from the sun_  
 _\- 3 doors down: away from the sun._

6 months.

She was going on a date after 6 months of living under the delusion that he was coming back.

He wasn't.

She Donna new she was getting better. Gone were the sleepless nights plagued by nightmares, waking up covered in sweat, crying her eyes out. She was slowly coming out of her shell and back to the know everyone loved. That didn't stop her from missing him though. She thought about him often, how he was doing, was he getting treated right and if he was thinking about her the same way she thought of him.

A few of the others had been to see him. She knew Louis had only been to see him once, his eyes gave it away the moment she saw him Monday morning - he wouldn't tell her any details just that Harvey was ok, and that he was worried about her. Jessica had been more times than she could count, almost using every available Saturday to make the three hour drive to see him. She kept them all updated as much as she could, respecting Harvey's privacy was her priority however. Some Monday's Jessica would come in smile on her face, pleasant and responsive, others, she was cold and distant. Donna knew on those Monday's that her weekly visit to Harvey hadn't gone well. She never pressed. Didn't badger her for answers the same way Donna would if it were anyone else. Truth was, she was scared. She didn't want to know how Harvey was doing if the news going to be bad. So she took the cowards way out and never asked.

Mitchell.

The same main who created an ever bigger divide between herself and Harvey. The same man who had broken up with after Harvey's arrest stating he thought she needed time to adjust. The same man who she had bumped into in the coffee shop who still brought an easy smile to her face, who had then followed it up with asking her out. Sweet, caring, humble Mitchell. He truly was everything that Harvey was not. They were polar opposites in every sense of the word. Donna wondered if that was part of the attraction. Everything reminded her of Harvey and what he had lost. Mitchell was the one person who didn't hold a deep connection to Harvey, how wouldn't ask her every five minutes if she was ok. He didn't know the people at work, he didn't know how much they had all lost. Sure, he had an idea, but he was the one person in her life who was distanced from it all.

Donna wondered if that's why she felt inclined to say yes.

That's how she now found herself sitting at a five star sushi joint in upper Manhattan wearing a low cut red dress, flawless makeup and for the first time over six months, an honest to god smile on her face.

Her red dress low cut, showing just the right amount of cleavage without giving her secrets away. The thin straps on her shoulder making her collar blades more prominent. Her dress cut off mid thigh and the high stilettos she wore making her legs look like they went on for days. She had done her makeup to perfection, put on her most expensive perfume and was sitting there feeling like herself for the first time in forever.

"My god, you look flawless" Mitchell breathed out as he took a seat across from her.

She smiled, she felt flawless today.

Their conversation flowed easily. Nothing to deep was mentioned they simply discussed her love of theatre, his favourite sports teams and everything apart from work. She found herself laughing easily, the smiles weren't forced. He did this to her, made her forget about everything else going on around her and focusing solely on the present. She couldn't deny how handsome he was, he definitely knew it too.

"Donna, I've avoided this conversation all night, but how are you coping?" He asked. There was no trace of pity or judgement in his voice. He was genuinely concerned and that made Donnas heart skip a beat.

"I'm getting better every day. Things are finally looking up" she smiled back

"Do you miss him?" He asked a hint of something else in his voice, jealousy in his voice.

She was slightly taken back. Mitchell knew her relationship with Harvey, and with mike for that matter. "Of course I do, he was the biggest part of my life for twelve years. You don't just forget about someone like that"

"Donna I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry I should have never brought it up" Mitchell quickly apologised.

She smiled letting him know all was forgiven. She wondered to herself if it would ever get any easier to talk about Harvey.

She guessed it never would.

"Twenty smokes that's my deal" Harvey said as he stood in the centre of a circle formed around him hidden in a back corner away from the guards "twenty smokes if I win, and if you win?"

Harvey had so much anger, so much frustration coursing through his veins and he had finally found a way to get it out of his system.

Fight club.

Not that he particularly enjoyed that particular name but essentially that is what he now ran. Following his encounter with goon 1 and goon 2 that lead him to spending a month in the hole he'd decided that if people wanted a fight he'd give it to them and make sure he got something back. Twelve men from his unit were now regularly involved. Harvey was currently 7-0 marking him as top dog. They met once a week in the corner with pre-arranged fights scheduled. Now Harvey didn't smoke, except on those days where the pain of his life got to much, but he found them to be a good bargaining tool for gaining access to other items he could use. Today was the day he was finally going up against goon 1 in a one on one rematch of the fight that started it all.

"Oh law, such a pretty boy, you ain't gonna win. And if I win then you are gonna get down on your knees in front of all these men and suck my cock" he smirked viscously "you can finally but that big mouth of yours where it belongs.

Harvey tried to school his emotions. Inside he balked, was it worth it. Harvey sized up his opponent. Goon 1 was large, built solidly. Harvey remembered his bruised cheek that was a reminder of the mean left hook goon 1 possessed. He couldn't back down now though, he had his reputation to uphold.

Everyone was staring at him, waiting forms response to see what the former lawyer would do.

"Deal".

The crowd cheered loudly, a string of profanities being yelled from all sides. Clearly they were more interested now the stakes were so much higher.

Goon made the first move, slowly circling Harvey with his fists raised high against his face. Harvey braced himself, schooling his features and adopting a similar stance. Goon through the first punch which Harvey easily dodged before landing a solid hook into the mans ribs. The war then broke out. Punches being thrown back and forward, the fight seemingly equal. Harvey could feel blood running down his face from where Goon had landed a particularly hard punch to his eyebrow. He shrugged it off, he didn't have time to feel any pain, especially not now.

The crowd moved as Harvey was pushed back against the wall of the building they were hidden behind. Goon now landing a handful of hefty blows to Harvey's face and chest. He felt like he was losing control of this fight and it made the rage inside Harvey grow stronger.

The rage that right now he was involved in some stupid yard fight instead of drinking scotch in his multi million dollar condo. The rage that instead of strolling into the office any time he pleased he was now told when to eat, sleep and piss. The rage of the freedom he had lost. The fact that he no longer had any control of what happened to him or how he was to live. Rage that the people he loved most were moving on without him, finding solace in new friends and comforts. He was just so fucking angry all the time. Finally after six months of trying to keep his cool, the rage that bubbled beneath him finally broke free.

He summoned all his strength and pushed Goon off him as he spear tackled him into the ground. Harvey quickly jumped on top of him and started pounding his fists against the other mans face.

A punch that he had let himself get this out of control.

A punch for the fact that everyone and everything around him was now so totally of of his hands he couldn't bear it.

A punch that life as he had once know was now gone, dying the moment he had stepped foot in the D.A's office.

Harvey continued to rain down punch after punch until finally he felt strong arms pulling him backwards

"Law. Law calm down dude, he's done" an almost hysterical voice was saying to him as they pulled him. A few men rushing over to Goons side to check he was ok.

Harvey looked down at the man in disgust. Bruises already starting to form as blood poured out of his nose and face. The man was holding his hands to his face trying to figure out what had happened. Harvey spat some blood from his mouth, landing directly next to Goons head.

"I'll take my smokes now"' Harvey replied cooly, picking them off the floor "and goon" he waited for the man to look at him "next time you'll be sucking my dick"

Harvey walked away, using his shirt to wipe the blood. He didn't feel satisfied. He made the long walk across the yard and back to his cell. Standing over the sink he used the water to clean his face wondering to himself what he had now become.

A lot can change in six months.

_

Donna stepped out of the cab at her apartment, Mitchell quickly following behind. She hadn't planned on bringing him back but after their earlier hiccup things flowed easily and she decided to let her hair down once and for all.

They held hands as they wordlessly made their way up to her apartment. She breathed in how nice it was to have some affection, to feel someone close to her again.

They made their way inside where she promptly poured them both a glass of wine. She refused to drink anything even closely related to scotch anymore. Sitting next to him on the couch, she kicked off her shoes and leant him into his embrace.

He kissed her shoulder as he held her close. "You. Are. So. Beautiful" he punctuated each word with another kiss to her shoulder. He nibbled slightly and took a moment to breathe her in. She was a goddess to him, every part of her more beautiful than the last.

She turned slightly so he could place a soft kiss to her lips. She liked this, it felt right.

Their kisses turned more passionate, each of them putting more force in. His hands snaked up her dress resting on the inside of her thigh, she couldn't hold back the tingle she felt as her whole body relaxed. Her hands using his shoulders for support as he flipped her so she was know resting on top of him. His hands now moving all over her, feeling each crevice, each curve as he got to know her body even more. They were both breathing heavily now. Their bodies both vibrating with arousal.

He moved to lift her dress over her head whilst simultaneously removing his own shirt. His hands fumbling with the buttons he laughed at how much of a child he must look like. She helped removing the last button as she lay there in only her lingerie. She thanked the fashion God's she had chosen something nice and lacy before going out tonight. She knew she looked good and she could see in his eyes that Mitchell was thinking the same thing.

He took a moment to lift her up so he could undo his pants, his body now aching with need. He then returned to placing passionate kisses all over his body. As he trailed his tongue up her stomach and towards her breasts she was suddenly hit with memory of the last person who did that to her.

Harvey.

In that one encounter almost ten years ago he had taken his time to run his tongue over every inch of her body. She had placed whipped cream on her stomach and watched as he took his sweet time licking it all off. Even once he had finished the cream he still had a fascination with running his tongue up her stomach knowing just the right amount of pressure to put as to drive her insane.

He had made her feel like a queen that night. He made her feel like she was the beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. She wasn't stupid, she knew he had slept with a multitude of woman in his life but on that night, she felt like she was the only woman in the world that existed to him.

Suddenly the memories overwhelmed at her and she pushed herself off Mitchell with great strength. He tensed in surprise.

"Donna, what the hell?" He exclaimed

"Sorry, I just, I need, sorry" She breathed out heavily, no longer was she breathless from need, now it was from the memories of Harvey flooding her system.

"Come on, whatever it is just forget about it and we can go back to what we were doing. You seemed to be enjoying it a second ago" He said, his voice strained with a hint of anger.

"No I'm sorry, it's just...:" Her voice waivered, barely even a whisper now.

"If this is about Harvey, just forget about him. He's not coming back" Mitchell all put yelled as he pushed himself back against her. His mouth now trying to get at her's. She tried to pull away but his hands now grabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head.

"Mitchell, Mitchell STOP" She screamed, the tears bubbling over.

He continued attacking her with his mouth, her body no longer enjoying the feeling. His grip on her wrists tightened and she could tell that they were going to bruise. She did the only thing she could think of, the thing her mother taught her as a child, she pulled her leg up and kneed him as hard as she could in the balls.

"Fuck, you bitch" He cried out as he curled in on himself.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment and don't you ever think about talking to me again or that will feel like a love tap in comparrison to what I will do" Her voice stronger now, she grabbed her dress as she stood over him.

She didn't wait for a response instead choosing to run to her bedroom and slam the door shut. She let her back collapse against the shut door, the tears now falling freely from her face.

"Oh god..." She sobbed as she let her body slide down the door, her knees curled into her chest with her head resting on them she finally let the sobs overtake her body.

Six months,

And her life was falling apart without him

_

Jessica Pearson was getting sick of seeing him like this. Every time she came to visit her younger protege it seemed he had a new bruise to add to his collection. Sitting across from him now she took note of his appearance. Cut to his eye, graze on his cheek and the clear markings of a hand on his neck. Each time she would grill him for answers, to find out if he was ok. He never answered her though, choosing to ignore her questions and move onto something else instead.

She had gotten used to the changes in Harvey by now. This was the eighth time she had seen him and most weeks she would speak to him on the phone to check how he was doing. The beard that took up most of his face was no longer surprising, she could barely remember what a clean shaven Harvey Specter looked like anymore. He had gained muscle making him look physically more intimidating than she thought possible. His hair no longer gelled and styled, now the slightly longer brown looks hugged the side of head loosely given him the appearance of just getting out of bed. His face was hardened, his skin had a more golden touch from the time he spent outside and his wrinkles making themselves slightly more known.

Yes, Jessica Pearson knew Harvey better than most, and she knew that despite his protests, he was struggling. She had watched him in the first time had visited, he stayed guarded, tense, and weary of the older woman's presence. Jessica knew that he didn't want her there, but she'd be damned if she was going to let that happened. She had seen him come out looking like he hadn't slept in a month. She remembered with an ache the first time he had come out with a swollen eye and bruises scattering his face. She had learned from that visit not to quiz him on how he got these injuries, it would only lead to him shutting down even further. Harvey didn't need her to mother him, he needed her to be strong for him.

"You've looked worse" She quipped as he sat down across from her

A tense smile passed his lips, forced and jaded. "You always know how to compliment a guy"

Jessica smiled softly. Even with all the changes she was thankful that there was still some of the old Harvey inside. The tenacious, quick lipped punk she had met nearly twenty years ago was still in there, he was just hiding him away to protect himself.

"Still enjoying the food?" She bit back

"You do really know how to kick a man" He laughed softly, a true, genuine laugh.

He greatly enjoyed his visits with the older woman. She had a way of calming him and bringing him back down to earth in a way that no one else could. She told him how it was, never spearing a thought for his feelings, knowing that he would prefer the truth.

"I spoke to Mike last week. Seems like the boy is actually enjoying himself, he's beaten every single person there at chess at least twice. I think he's finally found his calling" She said easily, waiting to see how the other man would react.

"He was always going to brilliant at anything he puts his mind to" He said back and meaning every word of it. He enjoyed hearing about Mike, about knowing the other man was safe. He didn't want Mike to be facing the same challenges as him. He needed to know that Mike was going to leave prison and still be able to continue on with his life. Hearing that he was doing ok only affirmed in Harveys mind that he had done the right thing.

Harvey looked up at Jessica, for the first time noticing how tired she looked.

"Jess, what's wrong?" He asked, using her nickname to soften her up.

"It never gets any easier" She said softly "The firm is going so well, we are finally getting some momentum. Louis is really proving himself, he has come a long way since you left. Donna is even starting to act more of herself. And then I come here, and I see you, and it reminds me that no matter how well life is going, you are still stuck in here and theres not a single thing I can do about it" She paused "It just makes me sad is all" She tried to keep her voice light at the end

"Hey Jess, if it's too hard then you don't need to keep coming. I'll be fine" He reached out to grab her hand in his own.

"You and I both know you are lying" Jessica smiled

"Well, what can I say. You are the highlight of my week" His voice was teasing but she could hear the truth behind what he was saying.

He looked up at her again, still studying her face.

"Jess, that's not all is it. What else is wrong?" He asked tenitvelly

Jessica paused for a moment. How was she going to tell him? She knew that this was going to break his whole world apart. The positive changes she had seen in him, the more emotional side he was willing to show, the compliments he now through out so easily and the way he trusted her was going to be gone. She had to stop thinking like that though, it was selfish of her to keep this from him. From the moment she had got the phone call she had been dreading how to tell him. She knew this would break him.

She grabbed onto his hand with both of hers, leaning in she took a breath.

"Harvey..." She paused, her voice thick with emotion "It's Marcus. The cancer is back and they don't think he's going to make it this time"

She watched as Harvey recoiled within himself, pulling his hands back he wrapped them around his torso. He looked down at the ground trying to keep the panic attack that was looming at bay. Finally when he looked up Jessica saw how broken he truly was.

Jessica Pearson stared into the eyes of Harvey Specter as one single tear made its way down his cheek.

Six months

And everything around him was now turning to shit.

He couldn't do this.

 **So there we go. Finally building some hardcore angst. Sorry to everyone that is going to hate me for doing this to Marcus but it seemed the best way to bring the whole Specter Family including his mother into the story and will also play a role in Harvey and Donna seeing each other for the first time (But that's a little while away)**

 **Coming up next: MIKE MIKE MIKE I PROMISE THERE WILL BE MIKE. Donna and Harvey both deal with the events of what has happened in this chapter and we might get to see another characters letter from Harvey.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so sorry this took a little bit longer. Real life caught up with me this week and I just didn't have the chance to do much writing. It's also probably not my best work and feels a little bit rushed. I know we jump time frames in this quite a part however this is Part 1 of the same time frame. The next chapter will focus on events directly after this chapter.**

 _I'll be a better man today_  
 _I'll be good, I'll be good_  
 _And I'll love the world like a I should_  
 _I'll be good, I'll be good_  
 _For all the times I never could_  
 _\- Jaymes Young: I'll be good._

 _When Harvey Specter was six years old his baby brother was born._

 _Marcus Alexander Specter was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. He didn't understand fully why all the baby did was sleep, he thought having a brother meant he would finally have someone to play with. No, that wasn't the case and it was starting to frustrate little Harvey. The baby was now getting all the attention. It cried and someone was instantly by its side, it laughed and everyone suddenly ran to it to take pictures and more importantly he constantly heard his parents telling the new baby how much they loved him, but never saying it to Harvey. The oldest Specter child felt so lonely and so lost._

 _He couldn't help but feel so jealous every time he saw his new little brother. As much as it made his heart so happy to watch Marcus, he just wanted someone to remember that he was there. By the time Marcus was three months old Harvey could barely even bring himself to look at the baby. He knew that his brothers smile would make his anger go away, but he didn't want to forgive the little baby for making him so miserable, he chose to ignore him instead._

 _Marcus was nine months old when he started to crawl. He wasn't fluent in it but he still managed to make mischief regardless. He was constantly getting his hands on all of Harvey's toys, putting anything he could find in his mouth. Harvey had well and truly had enough of his younger annoying brother by this point. By fifteen months his brother was more of a hindrance to his life than a help. Harvey wondered why he ever thought that having a brother would be a good idea. He wished he could send his brother back._

 _It was 3am and Harvey was awoken once again by the sound of his baby brother screaming once again. Harvey was sure that all Marcus did was cry, eat and sleep. This was the fourth night in a row he had been woken by Marcus and he was ready to pull his hair out. He waited for the sound of his parents inevitable footsteps walking down the hallway to comfort his brother, but none came. A few minutes went past and Harvey still couldn't hear anyone putting a stop to his brothers screams. Finally, Harvey threw the covers off himself and begrudgingly made his way to his brothers room. There was Marcus screaming his head off, face puffy and eyes filled with tears._

 _Harvey tiptoed as quietly as he could from the doorframe to his brothers bed "Marcus, you need to be quiet, some of us are trying to sleep" Harvey said with all the sass a nine year old child could muster._

 _His brother stared up at him. The fifteen month old child showing no sign of comprehending a word that his older brother had said to him._

 _"Marcus" The young Harvey exclaimed._

 _Harvey reached down and picked up his brother the same way he had seen his parents do a million times. He himself hadn't picked his brother up, preferring to keep his distance from the child who in his mind had ruined his life. He rocked his brother back and forward trying to soothe his tears._

 _"Hey Jude, don't be afraid, take a sad song and make it better" Harvey sung softly into his brothers ear hoping it would do something to calm the younger child._

 _Soon his brothers cries died down and the young boy promptly shoved his thumb into his mouth. Leaning his head on Harvey's shoulder he snuggled himself closer to his brother. Harvey sighed contently that he had managed to finally stop the screaming boy. He moved to put his brother back down on the bed, pulling the covers over his brother and tucking him in the same way his mother had done to him as a child. He placed a soft kiss on his brothers forehead before moving to return to his own room._

 _"' 'vey 'vey: He heard his brother mumble as he was walked to the door. He turned with a grin a mile wide to face his brother who was now pointing at Harvey mumbling 'vey 'vey over again._

 _Harvey would claim for the rest of his life that his younger brothers first words were his name. From that day on Harvey never found his brother to be a burden, but promised to do everything he could to protect Marcus Alexander Specter from any evil the world through his way._

* * *

Jessica Pearson was a god in his mind.

He knew that she had friends in high places but he never imagined that she was capable of doing this.

Eight months locked away behind bars and he was finally seeing the light outside of the caged prison he was living in for the first time. Sure, he was still wearing his prison issue clothing, sure, there were chains around his waist which connected to his locked wrists and a matching chain connecting his legs, and sure he was currently sitting in the back of a prison van. None of that matter to him right now, because despite these new limitations he was being taken out of that hell hole to go to the hospital. The very hospital where his brother was currently laying in a bed fighting for his life. Jessica had arranged for the very best treatment, using some of Harvey's hidden funds to pay for it all, in New York City so that Harvey would have the chance to go and see his brother. It hadn't been easy and the warden sure as hell didn't want to let him out considering his suspicions of Harvey's involvement in prison fights, but Jessica was strong and had found a way to win.

She had been helping him out far longer than anyone else. She had believed in him long before he ever gave her a reason to. Her capacity to help him knew no boundaries and he was never more grateful for her than he was in this moment.

The thought of not getting to see his brother had been eating him up inside. It had always been his job to protect Marcus no matter what and he had taken it very seriously. When Marcus had been sick the first time and he had been away at college he had dropped everything. He had taken loans out, got a second job, and barely eaten a thing, all so that he could pay for his brothers medical bills. The fear that his brother was no going to be alright was consuming his every thought. How this could had happened to someone as lovely, as selfless and as beautiful as his younger brother? Harvey knew that if any Specter brother deserved to have cancer, then it was him, not Marcus. That kid wouldn't hurt a fly. To hear that it was back, and more aggressive than before had broken his heart. The fact that he was forced to sit in a prison cell instead of by his brothers bedside made him feel like the worst brother in the entire world. His brother needed him, and he wasn't there.

If you had asked him six months ago earlier into his prison term, then Harvey Specter would have rather been shot than to be seen outside of his cell in his prison uniform. He could feel the stares as he was led out of the van and into the hospital entrance. A guard on either side, Harvey walked numbly through the corridors and into the lift. The stares were burning a hole into his back. Harvey could only imagine the stories they were coming up with, was he had murderer? Had he robbed a bank? All of this would have bothered him if not for the reason he was here in the first place. Today was not about him and his pride, it was about being able to see his brother.

Finally they made it up to the oncology ward. The whole floor seemed surprisingly empty and Harvey wondered briefly whether Jessica also had something to do with this.

Harvey finally made it to Marcus' room. The guards stopped to give Harvey a moment to collect himself before leading him in. Harvey's breath was literally stolen from his body when he saw his brother. Gaunt, pale skin, his body being all skin and bones, tubes and wires coming from all over him. His brother had looked bad the first time he had fought cancer, but this time he looked like death warmed up. He had no idea what to do.

The guards led Harvey to a chair sitting next to his bed. The unclipped the chains around his leg and attached it so that one was connected to the leg of the bed. They did the same with his arms, making it so only one was no impeded.

"We will be outside Law, don't give us any reason not to trust you or you won't be seeing the light of day for a while" The guard warned before they both left the room.

Harvey took a moment. Marcus appeared to be sleeping peacefully and Harvey wasn't sure he wanted to wake him. Harvey knew he realistically didn't have a choice, an hour was all that they had promised him and he knew even that was being more than generous.

"Marcus" Harvey shook his brother's shoulder with his unchained hand. "Marcus" He repeated again softly.

Marcus eyes finally blinked open. Watching his brother finally gain awareness of his surroundings would have been amusing for him had the situation not been so serious. Marcus eyes finally locked with Harvey and they did nothing but stare at each other for a few moments.

"Harvey, you came" His voice sounded so weak and pained.

"You know that even the American Justice system couldn't keep me away from you at a time like this" Harvey smiled softly "I have come bearing accessory's though" Harvey said lightly motioning at the chains wrapped around him.

Marcus looked his brother up and down noticing all the changes he had gone through since they had last seen each other. They had been close as kids, doing practically everything together. When their parents had split up Harvey had taken it hard and not been around the house as much anymore. Through college and his early days post Harvard, Harvey had done as much as he could to make sure that he saw his younger brother. Marcus had watched his brother go from being an awkwardly shy, brooding teenager into a successful lawyer that no one dared to mess with. To see his brother so vulnerable, defences so broken, was hard for him to see. He had been trying to go and see Harvey after he was arrested. With his wife and two kids, living in Boston and then becoming sick, he hadn't quite made the trip across to see him. Now was the evidence that his brother was no longer the superhero he thought he was at five years old. His brother was broken. His brother was a completely different person to the last time they had seen each other.

"How is Amy holding up?" Harvey questioned softly pulling Marcus away from his thoughts.

"She's taking it hard. She gets here as much as she can, but with the girls its hard you know" Marcus tried to shrug it off but Harvey wasn't stupid, he could hear how hard this was for his brother "She's going to be so pissed when she finds out she missed you"

Harvey smiled at that. He had always loved his sister in law, she brought out of the best in his brother.

"How bad Marcus?" The question that he hadn't want to ask had finally made its way out. He knew that it was bad from his limited conversations with Jessica, and the evidence of how unwell his brother is was staring him in the face, but he needed to hear the actual answer

"Bad Harvey" Marcus sighed "They said four months ago, two months ago"

Harvey had no words. There was nothing he could say to make this situation better. Had Marcus been four years old with a scraped knee then Harvey would have put a plaster on it and kiss it better. He couldn't do that now. He couldn't do that the first time Marcus had gone through this, and especially now being told his younger brother had two months to live, was like a slap in the face. He had never felt so helpless in his entire life. He would spend the rest of his natural life in prison if it meant that Marcus didn't have to die. Two young girls were going to grow up without a father, his wife was going to become a widow and Harvey. Harvey was going to lose the last family member he had left.

"What do you think Dad would say if he could see the two of us now?" Marcus said lightly to break the tension

"What? At me sitting here on day release from prison and you in a hospital bed fighting cancer again" Harvey couldn't bring himself to say the word dying, that Marcus was lying in a hospital bed dying.

"I think he would kick your ass from here to Sunday for getting yourself locked up, and he would probably be throwing shit at doctors telling them they aren't doing enough" Marcus joked "He would be proud of us though"

"Proud? Marcus in case you are forgetting, I'm currently in prison and will stay there for five more years" Harvey frowned. He didn't want to think about Gordon Specters thoughts on the situation his oldest son had found himself in. In fact he had done everything in his power to avoid thinking about it.

"Because you stood up like a man and did the right thing" Marcus replied "dad would be proud of you, just the same as I am Jude" Marcus added lightly at the end reverting to the childhood nickname he'd given Harvey based off the song he would sing him to bed.

Harvey stayed silent for a few moments. He just wanted to soak in being around his brother for as long as possible.

"You have to promise me one thing Harvey" Marcus looked him straight in the eyes "when this is over, and I'm gone you need to look after Amy for me. Keep an eye on the girls. They need to grow up knowing the great Specter gene pool" A tear falling down Marcus' face as he spoke. "I know that you're going to say you can't because you're in prison but I know you better. I know that you, the almighty Harvey Specter, can do anything and everything"

"I'm not superman Marcus. But I will promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure that they know who their dad was and where they come from. They will never want for anything as long as I'm around" Harvey promised sincerely.

"You were a great brother Jude, I couldn't have been luckier to have you"

Harvey didn't say anything for a few moments. Taking a second to process the previous conversation. Look over at his brothers face he saw that Marcus had now fallen asleep. His face etched with pain and worry but still having the childlike innocence he had always know.

"Nah Marcus, I was the lucky one" Harvey said softly.

He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his younger brothers forehead. He took in the sight for a second longer before signalling to the guards outside that he was ready to go. On one hand he never wanted to leave the room, he never wanted to say goodbye to his baby brother. The thought of staying in the room for one second longer made his stomach churn. This wasn't the Marcus he had always known and this wasn't the Marcus he wanted to remember.

* * *

Mike was feeling good today. He had his ups and downs, which was to be expect, but lately his ups had far outweighed the downs. He had officially passed the halfway point of his sentence serving nine and a half of his eighteen month sentencing. That left him feeling hollow though. Where did he go from there? Rachel would be nearing the end of law school and well on her way to her dreams and yet he had nothing. Investment banking had been a complete disaster. There was no way he would be stupid enough to even consider doing anything related to the law again. With nothing more than a high school diploma he wasn't really qualified to do anything. He had always managed to land on his feet and weasel his way into any situation but now, with the truth that he was a fraud and a criminal conviction to back it up, his options were limited.

That's how he found himself in the prisons community centre. For those inmates who didn't even have a high school education they were able to gain their qualification. Others were working on community college programs and others were looking into work experience. It was his only chance of finding any sort of clarity as to what life beyond this was going to be like. He couldn't leave Rachel to work ninety hour weeks so they could have food on the table and he sure as hell wouldn't be going to Robert Zane for a handout.

He read through some of the pamphlets that were lying around the foyer seeing if anything felt like it fit. He thought that maybe a community college would take him in and he would be able to gain some sort of something to go along with his genius brain. What would he study though? His dream had always been to be a lawyer but that was now ruined for life. He wouldn't be going back to Harvard to get an actual Law degree and the only time he would be stepping foot in a courtroom was as the defendant. His whole life that had been his one dream, and now that was gone. The empty void in the pit of his stomach was growing steadily by the day. Each month that passed was a reminder than he had one less month before having to return to the real world and start again. The safety net that being locked in prison provided was going to come to an end eventually and that was terrifying him.

"Check out this one Brains" The community program leader Michelle said to him as she handed him a booklet "It's a small community college in Manhattan that focuses on gifted kids from rough backgrounds. You never know, you could be the guy that stops these kids from ending up in here too" She said kindly before turning back to her work.

Mike held the booklet in his hand quickly reading everything it held. A two year course that would allow him to work with kids like him, kids who had everything taken out from under them at a young age and now didn't know what to do with themselves. He could stop them making the mistakes he had in his life. Stop them from forming bonds with people like Trevor, who would just walk all over them, or selling drugs and cheating on tests, stop them from living their lives under the shadows of what has happened to them, but to teach them there was more out there. Harvey had been the man to show Mike all of that. Showing him every day that if you strived for greatness then it could be easily obtained with hard work and dedication. Harvey had taught Mike that if you want something go and get it, but whatever you do in this life, don't sacrifice your morals to get there. He could be Harvey to these kids. Because Mike's whole life was now a testament to the fact that everyone needed a person like Harvey Specter to show them how great life could be.

With a content smile on his face Mike made his way over to the computers and started putting in his application. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad when he got out after all

* * *

Marcus Specter woke back up to find that his brother was gone again. Marcus knew that Harvey would only had a limited amount of time to visit him before they would need to make the two hour drive back to the prison. He wasn't sure how Jessica had managed to pull the strings she had to get him there, but Marcus would be eternally grateful to her for bringing his brother to see him.

Marcus had met Jessica a handful of times throughout his life. He met her when Harvey was at Harvard studying law. When Marcus had gotten sick the first time Harvey had run himself into the ground trying to fix everything. He was studying, working two part time jobs and commuting as often as he could to be with his brother. Harvey was collapsed on a chair next to his hospital bed when Jessica Pearson had walked in the first time. Harvey was so dead to the world he didn't even wake up. Marcus to this day wasn't sure how she had tracked him down to the dingy hospital they were at but he learnt quickly not ask such questions of the great Jessica Pearson. She had told him that she was going to take care of the hospital bills because if someone didn't step in then Harvey was on a one way train to landing himself in a hospital bed right next to his brother. Marcus had insisted they didn't need her money but one look at his brother sleeping peacefully on the chair told Marcus that things weren't ok. Harvey was pale, his body was now all skin and bones, his face was filled with tension even as he slept. Marcus had thanked Jessica and promised that he would pay her back. She just smiled and left without another word. From that day on, Marcus knew that Harvey had found himself a real gem in Jessica Pearson.

Throughout the years that he met at various events, when Harvey was hit by a car and in the hospital for a couple of weeks and other times he came to visit his big brother. She was the first person to truly look out for his big brother, to make sure he ate three meals a day and wasn't running himself into the ground. She was the one to celebrate his victories and mourn the losses, to tell him when he had done a good job and equally chew him out when he was being a dick. Marcus had never been more thankful in his life for any person than he was for Jessica Pearson, without her, Harvey would be nothing even close to the man he was today.

Harvey was always an exceptional brother. Marcus knew that Harvey had sacrificed almost everything in this life for his brother at one stage or another. The nights where their mother was too drunk to cook and there was barely any food in the pantry, Harvey would go hungry so that Marcus could have a good meal. When the neighbourhood bullies started teasing him mercilessly, it was Harvey who came jumping in making sure everyone knew not to mess with the Specter brothers ever again. Marcus wasn't stupid though. He knew how much of a toll life had taken on Harvey. He had been an easy going kid, nothing like the stone faced man he was today. He kept people far away from him because the very person who was meant to love him most could barely even look at him most nights. So much damage had been done to Harvey Specter throughout his life that it almost amazed Marcus that he hadn't landed himself in prison sooner. What made Harvey so different, what Marcus truly admired about his brother, was that behind all the hurt and pain, was a man who was so intent on doing good, on never breaking the moral code he lived by. He pretended that he didn't care but Marcus knew better than anyone that Harvey Specter cared more about people that most other lawyers out there, he was just too damaged to let anyone see that.

Harvey had always been a superhero to Marcus, but even superheroes have limits. Marcus was convinced now more than ever, that Harvey had well and truly reached his. He leant over the side of his bed and picked up the letter Harvey had sent him, finally feeling like if he didn't read it now he may never get a chance to.

 _Marcus_

 _This has to be one of the hardest letters to write out of all that I have done tonight. It's hard because you are my little brother, I'm the one meant to bailing you out of messes, not writing to tell you that I've gotten myself into something bigger than you ever could. I'm meant to protect you, to make sure that you don't screw up and now I'm not going to be able to do that for a considerable amount of time._

 _Do you remember when we were kids and you always used to tell me I was invincible? That nothing could ever stop me?_ _I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not as great as you always thought I was. I've never told you this Marcus, but when you were born I hated you. I hated that our parents no longer even noticed I was in the room, or wanted much to do with me because all their attention was focused on you. I came up with every plan to get rid of you, I even tried to post you in the mail to get rid of you. Safe to say, I didn't sit comfortably for a month after that little stunt. But then everything changed, your first words were my name. I didn't get it. I spent almost no time with you, I did everything I could to ignore you. Something change in me then and I vowed that I would do everything I could to protect you. As mum slipped further away from us I had picked up her slack to make sure that you had enough food on the table and that you knew above everything else that you were loved. I never once regretted a single second of having to look after you._

 _I was so proud of you growing up. You were so open and caring, you knew what you wanted and you went for it. Nothing in this world was going to stop you from achieving your goals. I was different, jaded, more shut off. I didn't believe that I could ever amount to anything. You were always the one to tell me how great I was, to show how appreciative you were and that you still thought that I was superman. You were my lifeline as much I was yours. When you got sick I didn't cope. This wasn't meant to happen to someone like you. I would've given my own life ten times over if it meant that it wasn't happening to you. You were brave though, you didn't make a fuss or mope around complaining about unfair life was. You simply dealt with the hand you were given and tried to make the best out of. You taught me a lesson about life back then, one that I've taken seriously ever since. I think it was that lesson, to deal with hands you are given, that has led me to all of this. I could wait and see how this plays out in court, see if we can get Mike off the charges. I will not, and cannot, risk the only other people I consider to be family for something that I did. I hired Mike, I knew he was a fraud, and I kept this lie going far longer than it ever should have. Mike's a great kid, he reminds me a lot of you. He knows what he wants and how to get it. He sees the world in a different light than I ever have, that there is still good in the world no matter how much dark times you go through. You and him would really get along and I'm sorry I never took him to meet you. When you were a kid and those bullies were getting at you, do you remember what you told me when I asked why you hadn't said anything? You told me that we were family and family protects each other no matter and you didn't want me to hurt for something that was your problem? Well that's what I'm doing now. I'm protecting my family and preventing them from getting hurt any more than they already have. I hope you, more than anyone, can understand why I have to do this._

 _I might not be around anymore but I want you to remember a few things. 1) Don't you dare think that I don't expect you to visit me, I drove every day to see you in that hospital, you owe me. 2) You can do anything you put your mind to, don't settle, keep striving for more. 3) Finally, don't forget that I am proud of you. I'm proud that you have managed to find a job you love in a city that you love. I'm proud that you have gone out and got yourself a beautiful wife and two amazing daughters. I'm proud that you are still the same kind-hearted, loving kid that I grew up with. Most of all, I'm proud that of every person on this earth that I got to be your big brother._

 _I love you to the moon and back Marcus. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you in person that I was going to do this. That was a conversation I really didn't think I could have._

 _Send my love to Amy and the girls._

 _Love your big brother Harvey_

Marcus wiped the tears away from his eyes as he thought about his brother. He really did hit the jackpot when he learnt what it meant to be Harvey Specters younger brother. Sighing, he picked up a pen and started to write a letter of his own, but not to Harvey. He thought it was about time he reached out to the older mans protégé, the reason that his brother was behind bars in the first place. He wasn't angry. No, he knew his brother well enough to know Harvey always gets his way and if he didn't want Mike around then wouldn't have worked a single day at Pearson Specter. This was a letter to make sure that Mike really understood the man that was Harvey Specter. After all, if the man's willing to go to jail for you, its only natural you understand what kind of man that person is.

Marcus finished his letter and closed his eyes, letting memories of his childhood flood his memories and remind him of why he had the greatest brother on earth.

For the first time since he was diagnosed, Marcus finally had a good night's sleep

* * *

It had been four weeks since Jessica broke the news to Harvey, the news she was sure was destroying him. She had heard from him following his visit with Marcus. She was pleased to see that their visit had seemingly gone well. She could hear the edge in his voice. She could hear how tired his voice was. She could hear so clearly how much he was struggling right now.

She walked into her office early in the morning, hoping to get some work done before the rush of the day began. She was no longer surprised when she saw Donna also in early, it seemed the red haired woman never left these days. Jessica was paid so well because of her ability to read people. She was able to see a person or a situation and figure out what was going on their mind. Donna was starting to scare her. She noticed the way Donna was flinching when anyone got to close to her. Jessica noticed the way her phone was constantly ringing, both her person and work phone, and the fact that she never once answered it. There were the late hours, the eating lunch at the office instead of going out, warnings bells were certainly ringing in Jessica Pearson's head.

"Donna, can you come into my office for a minute" Jessica asked as she walked past Donna's desk.

Donna sullenly made her way behind Jessica, none of the usual bounce in her step. Jessica motioned for Donna to take as seat as she herself moved to sit behind her desk.

"Donna what's going on? And don't give some bullshit story about how everything's fine because we both know I wasn't born yesterday" Jessica said sternly.

"It's Mitchell. Two months ago we went on a date and things escalated" Donna paused, nervousily looking at Jessica for some kind of reaction "He tried it on and pushed him off. We got into a huge fight and I told him I never wanted to see him again. Now he won't stop calling me, or txting me or showing up outside my apartment. He's at the coffee shop I always go to and waiting outside the building when I finish work" Donna was getting breathless as she spat out everything that Mitchell had been doing to her "I just don't know how to handle it"

Jessica looked down for a few moments to process what Donna had just told her "Well here's what we are going to do. I'm giving his photo to security and if he even thinks of stepping foot inside this building then he will be stopped. Either myself or Louis will see you out every night to make sure the coast is clear. As for him being there in the morning I will arrange a private car to be waiting every single morning so that you don't have to risk standing out there waiting for a cab" Jessica outlined her plan, anger etched on her face "And if you want to press harassment charges then I will personally go after him on your behalf"

A single tear made its way down Donna's face "Thank you so much Jessica"

"It's what family do" Jessica smiled back

They were interrupted by the sound of Jessica's phone ringing. Donna listened in as Jessica spoke "Yes I understand, yes, yes, no, I'll be the one to tell him"

Donna watched as Jessica put the phone down. Her face was now overcome with emotion and her hands shaking slightly.

"Jessica what was that about?" Donna asked carefully.

Jessica paused and looked up the woman who had become part of her family long ago. "Marcus Specter died this morning"

Donna felt her breath get ripped out of her body for the millionth time. This was going to break him.

 **Well there we have it. Sorry it felt like I've killed off Marcus too quickly but it just didn't fit in with the rest of the story and now we have a window to bring Harvey's mother into the piece.**

 **Coming up: Marcus' funeral.**

 **So now I have a question to my loyal reviewers, I want your opinion on how Donna and Harvey see each other for the first time. We have two options and I value the opinion of how you guys would like to see it.**

 **1) Donna is at Marcus' funeral and that's when they see each other, they would share a small scene at the funeral. (This will mean that next chapter will be slightly delayed as I need to get there meeting just right)**

 **2) Pearson Litt gets sued by an old client and Harvey is brought in to testify, Donna is at the trial. Potentially if this option is chosen then Travis Tanner will be the opposing council.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh hey there friends! So sorry my week was super busy and this chapter was super hard to write! I hope it lives up to what you hoped for. Enjoy**

 _I've never ever cried when I was feeling down_  
 _I've always been scared of the sound_  
 _Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load_  
 _I'm too young to feel this old_  
 _Kings of Leon: cold desert._

It took Donna five different outfits before she finally decided on the perfect dress. She picked a lavender thin strapped dress with white shoes. It held her usual flare without being too revealing. It was a funeral after all

She had been dreading this day since she had heard the news. She had no idea whether Harvey would be there or not but the thought of seeing him almost put her off going. Was she ready to see him? She was terrified about seeing him if she was honest with herself. She was scared of how much he would have changed, scared that he wouldn't be the same man she remembered. Donna knew that the likelihood of Harvey being there was high, hell if Jessica could get him out to go see him in the hospital there would be little chance of stopping him from doing this. Her heart broke at the thought of Harvey and what he must be going through. Donna knew that most people thought Harvey Specter was a selfish, cold hearted, egotistical prick that had no concept of caring for others, he had carefully constructed that lie years ago. She knew the truth though. She knew that there was no one in this world he cared more about than his father and younger brother. Gordon Specter's death had nearly killed Harvey, she was frightened to see what the loss of Marcus was going to do to him. The guilt from not being able to spend the last days of Marcus' life with him would be eating him alive.

She remembered fondly the first time she had met the younger Specter. She had been pleasantly surprised at how different he was from Harvey. He had a light aura about him. He carried himself with the same confidence as Harvey but they were so fundamentally different from each other. Where Harvey was cautious and calculated, Marcus was easygoing and trusting. They were polar opposites of each other. The thing that stuck in Donna's mind about the Specter brothers relationship was how much they fiercely loved each other. There was no doubt in her mind that those boys would go to the ends of the earth for each other. Although they didn't see each other as much as they would have liked, Donna knew they regularly spoke on the phone to each other, keeping each other updated on their lives. Harvey was so proud of his brother and all his achievements and the grin on his face every time they talked about Marcus proved to Donna that her boss was so totally in love with his younger brother and not one thing on earth could ever change that.

 _"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know where Harvey Specter is would you?" Donna turned around as she heard a voice behind her. Standing there was man in his early twenties, jeans and sweatshirt matched with dirty converse shoes. His hair was dark brown and falling all over his face and his eyes a matching colour. The shit eating grin on his face gave away to her who was standing in front of her_

"You must be Marcus" She said plainly

"Wait, how do you know that?" Marcus smiled back

"I'm Donna" Was all she said in return.

Later that night she found herself sitting in a bar with the Specter brothers listening as they fought over anything and everything. The playful banter continued for hours between the two and Donna was in awe of seeing her hardass boss in such a laid back mood. The smile she barely ever saw was now plastered on his face, nothing was going to be removing it tonight.

"And then Harv got so nervous standing in front of the crowd that he wet his pants right in front of fifty people" Marcus said through tears of laughter as he finished recounting embarrassing stories of Harvey's childhood

"That's not as bad as the time you went on your first date and got so nervous you threw up all down your dates dress" Harvey recalled hoping to save some face

"You boys are going to be the death of me" Donna could hardly catch her breath she was laughing so much.

That day was a start of a beautiful friendship between Donna and the younger Specter.

Today was a dark day for Donna Paulson. Marcus was too young, he had his whole life ahead of him. He had two beautiful daughters and an amazing wife whom he loved very much. He was so vibrant and full of life, had so much to live for. She hated seeing him in that hospital bed so frail and weak. It wasn't the Marcus that she knew and loved. It wasn't how this was all meant to be. His usually golden skin had been pale with a tinge of yellow, his athletic body reduced to skin and bones. The man who was so full of life had the life ripped out of him by some god awful disease. It had broken Donnas spirit every time she had seen him. Her last visit to him had been the hardest by far.

 _"You have to promise me one thing red" Marcus asked her weakly, his hand gripping tightly onto hers._

 _"What?" She asked nervously._

 _"Look after Harvey for me. When he's out and he doesn't know what to do you need to be there for him" Marcus paused to catch his breath "I don't know what's happened between you two in the past but I know that he loves you - even if he is too chicken shit to say it" He winked at her "but when he gets out and has no idea where to go or what to do, just make sure he doesn't do it alone"_

 _"You know that I will always be there for him Marcus" Donna said flatly_

 _"I know that, but Harvey doesn't let many people in and he let you into his heart a long time ago. For him to be away from you will be killing him. He will want you to move on and to be happy because that's the best thing for you, screw the consequences to himself. Just make sure that Harvey doesn't have to be alone anymore, God knows that man has spent the majority of his life closing himself off from people" Marcus explained_

 _"_ _I don't know what the futures going to bring Marcus but I won't leave Harvey to find his way on his own. God only knows how many times that man has protected me" Donna smiled sadly as she grabbed onto his hand._

 _"_ _You're an amazing woman Donna Paulson, my brother is lucky to have you" Marcus grabbed the hand she was holding and slowly brought it to his lips placing a soft kiss on it with his lips_

That was the last time she had seen Marcus, him dying only eight days after her visit. Today was a day to celebrate the life of Marcus Specter in her mind, today was a day she mourned the loss of one of the most beautiful souls she knew.

* * *

Jessica had arrived early at the funeral. She wanted to make sure that the flowers were all arranged properly, that the church was perfect and that everything would run as smoothly as possible. She would be the first to admit when she first met Marcus Specter she had no idea what to think of the kid. She could see how much Harvey loved him and cared for him, but as he struggled through his gambling problem she had worried he would take Harvey down with her. Jessica knew enough about those two boys to know life hadn't always been easy for them growing up. Harvey and his cold hearted attitude and trust issues, and then Marcus with his gambling, all could be attributed to the less than ideal conditions of the Specter household. Marcus had changed her mind though. He had proven to her that he had sorted his life out and was on his way to building something more for himself. She respected him for that.

She knew he was the only person that Harvey truly trusted. He was the only person on this earth who could easily read Harvey and be able to fix whatever the problem was. Those two had a bond deeper than most siblings. Harvey had been a third parent, stepping in where their mother had failed, to make sure that Marcus had everything he could ever want in life. Harvey, from the small conversations Jessica had with Marcus, had been the one to make sure Marcus had lunch to take to school, that his homework was done and he had a way home from sports practice. Harvey was the one to grill all of Marcus' potential girlfriends, letting them know that they better not hurt his brother. He had protected Marcus from bullies, taught him how to drive a car and been the first one lined up when Marcus graduated high school. Those Specter boys were thick as thieves, Jessica thought sadly to herself, and she feared for a world that Marcus no longer existed in and what that would mean for his brother he had left behind.

Jessica looked over at where Marcus' wife was sitting. Amy was a beautiful woman with a lot of charm, Jessica could see how to two easily fell in love. Olivia and Georgia were the two of the most gorgeous girls she had ever laid eyes on. Both of them sharing the Specter gene of having dark hair and even darker eyes, however having the easy going smile of their mother. They were too young to have lost their father, too innocent for this have happened to them Jessica thought to herself. She would make sure that in Harvey's absence those girls were taken care of.

She watched from a far as Donna entered the church. She could see how tired Donna looked, how much her heart was aching at the loss of Marcus. Donna quickly walked up to Amy and gave her a hug, the two talking for a few moments. Donna then moved to hug each of the girls, giving them huge kisses as she did. Jessica stayed back, knowing that when Donna was ready she would come over and speak to her, for now she would let her be with her surrogate family, knowing that the girls needed Donna just as much as Donna needed them right now.

"Jessica the service is about to start" One of Marcus' friends told her. Jessica moved to quickly take her seat near the back. Everyone else shuffled in and found their seat, Donna sitting next to Amy and the girls. Finally, after a few tense moments she felt a familiar presence slide in next to her.

Harvey.

He was flanked on the other side by a guard wearing a suit as opposed to their normal uniform. Harvey himself had somehow managed to acquire a perfectly fitting suit. Despite his muscle gain and changing body he had gotten his measurements out to Rene who tailored him a suit free of charge for this occasion. It was a simple black suit, with a white shirt and maroon tie. It fit him perfectly. She looked at his face and saw that he had trimmed his beard so that it was a more acceptable level and had finally got around to getting a haircut, choosing to have it shorter than she had ever seen before. He looked over at her, his hands cuffed together in front of him. His eyes looked tired and his face worn, he gave her a small smile.

"I'm glad you could make it Jess" He said softly as the priest walked onto the stage

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Harvey. You are family, he was family" She reached out and squeezed his knee before they both turned their attention to the front of the church to listen to the opening sermon.

The service was filled with laughter and tears. Friends told stories of Marcus during his post high school days and all the mischief they would get up to. His employees spoke fondly of their boss, speaking of how he had given them all the chance of a lifetime and was a kind and fair man. Amy got up and tearfully recounted how she met Marcus, how they fell in love and how they had raised two beautiful girls together. Olivia at only seven years old had stood in front of nearly one hundred people and told them all about she had the best daddy in the world and how he was going to watch over her every single day. There wasn't a dry eye in the room after Olivia had gotten off the stage.

Donna hoped like hell her mascara wasn't running down her face. Her emotions were all over the place. She couldn't help but hold onto Georgie and cry quietly over her shoulder.

She stood as the serve came to an end, the pallbearers began carrying his coffin towards the back of the church, music playing softly in the background. She followed the coffin with her eyes, turning her body so she could watch it head out of the church. She began saying her final goodbye to Marcus as he was lead out. She hated that this was goodbye. It shouldn't have been like this.

As the coffin made it's way to the back she finally saw where Jessica had ended up getting to. Her breath caught in her throat and the tears welled up again as she realised who she was sitting next to.

Harvey.

His eyes were trained on the coffin, not noticing that anyone might be looking at him. Jessica's arm was resting protectively on his shoulder. She couldn't believe that he was standing there, less than twenty meters away from her after nearly a year of not seeing each other. His hair was short. It had lightened considerably and there was not a hint of product in his hair. The beard was definitely new and she couldn't help herself but admire how hot it made him look. She felt like a schoolgirl going weak at her knees and she took in his new appearance enhanced by the increase in his muscle tone and bulk. There was no denying that Harvey Specter had always been a good looking man, but this, this was even more. He was drop dead gorgeous now.

She could see the faraway look in his eyes as he watched his brother being taken from the church. Jessica's grip tightened on his shoulder as Marcus passed by. Donna knew if it wasn't for his current situation it would have been him carrying Marcus out, but he couldn't do that with handcuffs securely around his wrists and a guard standing shoulder to shoulder with him making sure he didn't do anything stupid. Donna swallowed heavily around the guilt she was feeling. He couldn't even stand up and give a speech to his brother, to carrying him out of the church all because of what he had sacrificed for them. Now he was hidden in the back hoping no one noticed him, ready to sneak away as soon as the opportunity arose. Marcus was all Harvey had since the passing of their father and he wouldn't even be allowed to grieve properly. She looked closely at his face, the edges were a lot sharper, his face pulled into a tight line. From where she was standing she couldn't see into his eyes but she knew that if she were to look all she would see the sadness and anguish of a broken man. Donna didn't know if she was ready to see that.

People started chatting amongst themselves and Donna was at a loss of what to do. Did she go over and speak to him? Or give him his space? She was Donna for Christ sake, she thought to herself, she should know what to do, she always knew what to do. Harvey had all his choices taken away from him and she knew if she went over he would have no choice but to speak to her, being unable to leave of his own free will. Could she do that? Could she force him to speak to her even if he didn't want to?

Donna was pulled from her thoughts as Harvey turned to face the front of the church, their eyes now meeting for the first time. She could see they were red rimmed and he was doing everything he could to hold back the tears. She stopped breathing momentarily, she had no idea what to do. He stared at her, not giving away what he was thinking about. Seconds turned into minutes as they continued to stare at each other. Finally, Harvey broke the tension by giving her his trademark grin and a wink. Donna didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or go over and punch him in the face. Without releasing it, her legs were now pulling her towards the back of the church, she was heading straight for him. She moved past the guard and was now planted to the floor firmly in front of him. She didn't say a word, she just continued to stare at him.

Harvey was also at a loss of what to do. He had a fair idea that she would be coming to the funeral today, knowing how close Marcus and Donna were. He had hoped that he would be able to sneak away before she noticed he was there, taking the cowards way out. Now she was in front of his eyes and he couldn't help but be reminded of why he fell in love with her to begin with. She was _beautiful._ The dress she was wearing was both conservative and classy all rolled into one, her hair and makeup perfect. She literally took his breath away by doing nothing more than standing in front of her. His heart clenched in sorrow as he realised all he had given him. This was the woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life and he had thrown it all away. He had ruined any chance long before he found himself in a prison cell. He had used her, abused her and taken advantage of her every single day until he finally drove her away. He had taken the one good thing in his life and trampled all over it until it was too damaged to repair. He had been able to forget her the best he could while he was in prison. He had to in order to survive because in those fleeting moments where he allowed himself to think of her he wanted to pound his head against a brick wall. He wanted to throw something, to punch someone, to hurt himself as punishment for all those times he had hurt her.

"Harvey… I'm so sorry" Donna breathed out quietly. He knew her well enough to hear the pain in her voice as she broke the silence. He also knew well enough that she wasn't just saying sorry for the fact Marcus was gone.

"It's not your fault Donna, none of it is" He replied wanting nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and hold her until everything was ok again. He couldn't do that though, the stupid handcuffs meant his arms were hanging limply in front of him and he could nothing to provide her the comfort he so desperately wanted to.

They didn't say anything more, taking a moment to just breathe each other in. Donna moved forward so that their feet were touching, she could feel his breath on her head. She was standing close enough that she could almost hear his heart beating against his chest.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you standing here, free, not locked up in some tiny cell forced to wear those god awful orange jumpsuits you love so much" Harvey spoke softly so she was the only one who could hear him, a hint of playfulness in his voice.

"I still can't believe you did what you did. I should have guessed that you had some trick up your sleeve" Donna said quietly "Thank you Harvey. You are my hero"

"Nah I'm not a hero, I just did what I should have done a long time ago and put an end to all of this. You are my family Donna and I would die a thousand times over before I let anything happen to you" Harvey replied. He tensed slightly as Donna reached forward and grabbed onto his arm. He had been conditioned in the last however many months to only associate touch with an upcoming fight, with pain and with the promise that this was how his life was from now on. Her touch was gentle though and after a moment he felt himself relaxing into it. She always had such warm hands, he could feel the heat from beneath his suit jacket. Her touch soothed him, making him feel like even if it was just for a moment, that everything was going to be alright in the end.

"You selfish, arrogant, self-centred son of a bitch. Why couldn't you have at least told me what you were going to do? Why couldn't you have at least said goodbye? But no instead you let me find out from Jessica and then wait eight fucking months to even get to see or hear from you?" Donna couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face "Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me? What it's like to try and move on from this?" She was practically yelling by the end of her speech.

"Donna" Harvey breathed out. He had no idea what to say, what to do. He pulled his cuffed hands up using them to tilt her chin up and look him in the eyes "You're right. I am selfish. I didn't tell you what I was doing because I couldn't bear the thought of having to walk away from you. I didn't want to see the disappointed or anger in your eyes so I took the cowards way out. But Donna, I didn't do this to hurt you, I did this to protect you, and I would do all over again in heartbeat even if the consequences meant I could never see you again"

Donna cried softly, her eyes never leaving his "I just miss you so much" She said simply knowing that it would sum up everything she was feeling to him.

"God I miss you too" He cupped her face, trying not to hit her with the cuffs, god how they annoyed him. "But hey, working for Louis can't be that bad, I mean that is if you like cats and mudding" He laughed softly

"Can I visit you?" She asked. Scared of what his reaction was going to be

"Donna…" He paused "I don't know if it's the kind of place you really want to be" Seeing her here was easy. He had his suit of armour on. He was surrounded by his family and had Jessica standing guard as peacekeeper if needed. Letting her see him in there was a whole different story. Suddenly he would be in his prison issue clothing, ruminants of his latest fight covering his skin, surrounded by the people he was forced to cohabitate with who weren't all exactly friendly. It was no place for a person like Donna to be.

"Please Harvey, It's been killing me knowing that everyone else has seen you and I want a chance to talk to you properly, away from all of these people" She begged.

"Fine, once. That's all I am promising and if it makes you uncomfortable or you don't feel safe then you have to promise me that no matter how much you want to come back you will never step foot in that place again" He could never say no to her as much as he tried. "The last thing I want is for you to feel unsafe and if seeing me there makes that happen then we will have to just talk on the phone or something"

"Thank so much Harvey" She leant forward and gently placed a kiss on his cheek. It was short but tender and full of passion. Her lips felt right against his skin, her body reacting to feeling the man she loved underneath her lips. She felt whole for the first time in nearly a year.

"I need to go, it's meatloaf night and heaven forbid I didn't make it back in time for that feast" Harvey tried to joke off his discomfort at the fact he had to leave. His heart longed for the freedom of making his own choices, he had to accept that it was going to be long time before he ever had those kind of choices given to him again. For now though, he had keep his mask alive and pretend that this was all a big joke and that he actually wanted to return for meatloaf. He would admit though, it was probably the most tolerable of all his meals.

Donna didn't speak she just placed a soft kiss on his forehead holding him close for a few seconds before pulling away to allow Jessica a chance to say goodbye. She gave Harvey a soft hug and kiss on the cheek before telling him to be good and that she was expecting a call from him at their usual time. Donna then watched with sad eyes as the guard then started leading Harvey out the door. He didn't turn around, but Donna could tell from the tension in his body that it was taking every fibre of his being not to take one last look at them.

Donna and Jessica watched sadly as they once again had to say goodbye to the most important man in both their lives. It was a sad day indeed

* * *

Lily Specter watched from a far as her eldest son was escorted out of the back of the church. She had hidden herself on the opposite side of the church not making her presence known to anyone in the room. Sure, she had repaired her relationship with Marcus many years ago, but that didn't stop her from feeling like a stranger at her own sons funeral. She had given up the right to sit with his family many years ago and she knew that her oldest would not be impressed with running into her.

Marcus had kept her updated both their lives for many years. He had been one of the first people she had rang when he found out Amy was pregnant and when he opened his own business. He had also kept her updated on Harvey. He told of the promotions he had earned, the millions of dollars he was making and the success that he had become. Marcus had also phoned her when he had learned of his arrest. Marcus had told her the story, of how Harvey had hired a fraud and that someone had found out and that they were all now in trouble. Lily listened with pride as Marcus told her of Harvey's sacrifice to give up his own life so those he loved could walk free. She had never expected that the angry teenager who she had left behind would turn into such a successful man and yet still be so kind hearted. He was the mixture of both of his parents. He inherited his intense desire to win and need for perfection from her, she had always known what she wanted and passionately gone after it. Harvey was gentle and kind, always doing what was right instead of what was easy, and Lily knew better than anyone that he had gotten that from Gordon. Gordon was a far better parent to those two boys than she could have ever hoped of being. He had taken the best from a bad situation and made sure that Marcus and Harvey grew up knowing they were loved and cared for. She wasn't ready for kids, potentially never would have been and when she was thrown into motherhood she simply didn't know how to react. She had never been the mother they had deserved and her punishment for that was losing the chance to ever have a relationship with her eldest son.

She still remembered the look of betrayal in his eyes. She had never thought that her innocent, loving son could be possible of a look so cruel. She knew in that moment that he was never going to come back to her. She had tried over the years to reach out to him, every single attempt being thrown back in her face. Marcus had tried too of course, hoping that one day they could go back to being a family. Lily knew the damage had been done. Harvey had inherited her passion after all and once he decided someone wasn't worthy of his time, then he would do everything in his power to exclude them from his life.

He reminded her so much of Gordon. Even looking at him from across the church she couldn't help but marvel in how similar the two were. Marcus looked more like her, with the easy smile and dishevelled hair. Harvey was the replica of Gordon in every sense of the word. She was proud of him immensely. Despite the fact she was seeing her son for the first time in nearly two decades and he was currently in handcuffs, she was still proud of everything he had managed to do with his life. He had gone from being an angry kid with no ambition to one of the most powerful people in New York City. He had built a life for himself greater than any of them could have ever dreamt.

She made her way out of the church and into the gardens surrounding. She sat on a bench and picked the letter out of her purse that she had been carrying around every day since Marcus had given it to her. To say she had been surprised to receive it was an understatement. She had no idea what to do with it but after saying goodbye to her youngest son, so cruelly taken from this earth, she knew now was the time to see what it had to say.

 _Lily._

 _I don't know why I am writing to you. Perhaps it's the copious amounts of scotch I've had to drink tonight, or maybe it's because after all of these years I'm tired of holding onto the anger I have towards you._

 _I've spent most of my life hating you. I hated that you were never a mother to me or Marcus, that you would rather go out and get drunk than look after your kids. I hated that dad had to do everything and be the main breadwinner because you never lifted a finger. I hated that you never told us you loved us, or acted like a mother at all. I hated you so much for what you did for dad. He did nothing but love you and you turned around threw it in his face again and again. Our life wasn't perfect but it was a hell of a lot better than life after you left. Dad was a broken man and I was so angry at you for what you had done to him._

 _I have never been able to trust people from that moment. Letting someone into my life has always been the hardest thing for me to do because every time I do it's like I'm waiting for them to turn around and hurt me the same way you hurt dad. I think there is only two or three people on this earth I trust and I can't help myself but to blame you for that. Any serious relationship I've ever had has fallen apart around me because no matter how hard I try I compare them to you, and am secretly waiting for them to turn around and leave me the same way you did. Because leaving us is the one thing in my life I have never managed to get over. Sure, you weren't a great mom even when you were around but at least you were there. Then you just turned around and left without even a goodbye. The words you said to me when I found out about your affairs still haunt me. I spent years after that believing every word you had said and I nearly threw my entire life away because of it. I was so angry. I still to this day don't understand how a mother could say that to their child. I knew you didn't want us, or love us, but I never thought that you would be capable of being so cruel._

 _I am not writing this letter to attack you I swear. I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of letting what you said dictate my life, and my fear of people leaving continue to rule over my relationships. You have already taken so much from me that I'm finally putting an end to this. I won't let what you did affect me anymore. You called me a coward that day, said I was weak and pitiful. The truth is, that's how I've been acting for the last twenty years. I've been using what you did as an excuse for my behaviour. That stops now. It's time I stood up and took responsibility for my own actions._

 _So Lily, I forgive you. I forgive you for never once being a mother to me and for abandoning our family. I forgive you for hurting dad and Marcus. I even forgive you for all the things you said to me that night._

 _Don't be mistaken though, just because I am forgiving you doesn't mean that I want anything to do with you. I can forgive you, but there's nothing in this world that is ever going to make me forget._

 _I am a lawyer now, or at least I was. I make millions of dollars a year, I own a condo in the heart of Manhattan. I have expensive cars, even more expensive clothing and can pretty much do whatever I want. I have worked my way from the bottom of the barrel, from a stupid job in the mailroom of a law firm to having my name of that very firms door. Sure I made a decision to hire a fraud but I don't regret that for one second. Everything that I have today is what I have worked for, I've made every single dream that I've ever had come true, and I did every single one of them without you. I thought for so long that I was missing out by never really having a mother but I wasn't. Other people took me under their wings to show me the ropes. They pulled me up when I was at the bottom of the barrel. They believed in me when I did nothing but disappointed them. They praised me for my good and were the first to point out my failures. They did everything for me that you should have done. They stepped into the role you never embraced and showed me that I didn't need you to succeed. They are the people I have to thank for what I have today. You have played no part in that. To give it all up is easy, because I know that no matter the consequences are to myself, I'm protecting the people I love. You never once put myself or Marcus above your own needs, you never once sacrificed anything or showed us unconditional love. Dad did. I know if he were still alive he'd be kicking my ass for hiring Mike, yelling at me for my stupid decision. He would also be the first person to tell me that he was proud of me and that I was doing the right thing. For all the years I thought I needed you, for all the times I wished things were different, I realised today that I never needed you._

 _That doesn't stop me from wishing you had been different. I used to cry myself to sleep as a kid because you would never tell me you loved me. That's all I wanted. I didn't care what new toy you had bought or where you taking us, I just wanted to know that you loved me. You couldn't even do that. I think maybe if you had been a better mother then forgiving you for what you did would have been easier. The truth is you always felt like a stranger to me anyways._

 _I don't want a relationship with you. I don't want to hear from you at all in fact. I'm writing this letter more for myself than I am for you anyway. I just wanted you to know that I'm finally letting go of you, I let a woman who wanted nothing to do with me dictate my life for far too long and this stops today._

 _Goodbye Lily,_

 _I'm sorry that things couldn't have been different but this is just the way things are and we both need to learn to accept that._

 _Harvey_

Lily looked at the paper in front of her hoping that her hands would stop shaking. She was overcome with emotion. Perhaps she shouldn't have read this letter on the day that she buried her youngest. Today wasn't just the day she lost Marcus, it was now the day that she could officially say she had lost Harvey as well. Deep down she had held onto hope that one day they would reconcile. Reading this, she now knew there was no hope of that every happening.

Picking up a piece of paper, she started to pen a letter back.

 **God. Donna and Lily all in one chapter. Now you know why this took so goddamn long to write! Thanks for all your positive reviews, I adore reading them all.**

 **We will time jump a little bit next chapter just to keep the story moving forward however I can promise you that we will have Donna and Harvey's visit. I know this was a short little introduction of them meeting but I can't play all my cards at once. We will also be drawing closer to both Mike and Donna's letters. And I feel like poor Louis is being neglected, I will bring him back in and I know just the way to do it.**

 **Leave a review, leave some advice, leave whatever you wish. Next chapter up soon!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so so sorry for the wait for this chapter. Life got super busy and I completely ran out of time to get it done. Thanks for waiting, I hope it lives up to the wait. Two things.**

 **1) This is part one of either two or three of this story arc, am unsure how many chapters this will turn out to be. Also side note for some language and violence in this chapter just so you have been warned.**

 **2) HOW GOOD WAS THE LAST EPISODE? I legit burst into tears when Harvey and Donna were talking. So good!**

 **Anyways, On with the show!**

 _In my darkness I remember_  
 _Momma's words reoccur to me_  
 _surrender to the good Lord  
and he'll wipe your slate clean _

_\- Leon Bridges: The River_

One year

It had been one year since he had been able to sit in his apartment, cooking his own food, deciding what time he wanted to get out bed. One year since he last woke up next to Rachel, taking in the sight of how beautiful she looked in the morning. He missed everything about her. He missed the way she laughed and smiled, the way she would stand on the tips of her toes to press her lips against his. He missed her determination and watching her in action at work. He wasn't sure whether or not he missed being a lawyer but he sure as hell missed the people who had come to be family to him. Jessica, Louis, Donna, Harvey, he missed them all with every fibre of his being.

He was on the home stretch though. He had done more than half of his sentence and before he knew it he would be standing on the other side of these gates rebuilding his life. He had been working away at his community college courses and found that even though the content was easy he was still finding new challenges inside. The thought of leaving prison with something under his belt fired him to give two hundred percent of himself into finishing this.

That's what Harvey would want. Harvey would want him to pick himself up and make the best of a bad situation. If Harvey had taught him anything in their time together it was that the end is never really the end. Sure his law career had come to an end but that didn't mean his life had to be over. He could rebuild from this and become something bigger and better. He could make a difference in someone else's life the same way that Harvey had done for him.

His heart broke for his former mentor. Rachel had been by a few months ago informing him that Marcus had died. Mike had never met the kid, he could have easily walked passed him in the street without even knowing it was him. One thing he was sure of though, was that Harvey cared more for his little brother than he did any other person on the planet. Jessica had been by to see him not long after Marcus' death, Mike was taken back by the sadness in her eyes when she spoke about both Marcus and Harvey. From what Mike could gather from the conversation Harvey was devastated and taking a long time to build himself back up. Losing his brother was the final straw that had officially broken the camel's back and it was easy to tell that Jessica was concerned what this would do her mentee's state of mind.

Mike couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt about the whole situation. If it wasn't for him then Harvey would have got to spend those last precious months with his brother. He would have got to be there for his sister in law and nieces and he would have got to truly grieve at the funeral. Instead all Harvey had was one lousy visit and a funeral cut short by the impending drive back to prison. Mike Ross had lost count of all the things he had lost since his arrest, but not one single thing Mike had lost even came close to everything Harvey had given up for him. Harvey had never once made his opinions known to anyone, Mike still wondered deep down if Harvey hated him. Surely having to sit in a cell instead of at your dying brothers bed would tip Harvey over the edge and the thing that drove Harvey into the ground. Mike was sure once Harvey was finally free that Mike would be the last person on earth he would want to see.

Mike was sat across from Rachel in the visiting room, their time nearly coming to an end. He stood up to embrace her, placing a soft kiss on her lips. She pulled away and whispered into his ear.

"Oh, Jessica asked me to pass on a message from Harvey" Rachel started, she could feel Mike tense beneath her grip "He said and I quote 'Don't let the puppy beat himself up over this. I gave up the chance to be with my brother so that my other little brother didn't have to spend the rest of his life in prison. I don't blame him one bit'"

Mike thought he could burst into tears right then and there. A small smile fell onto his lips. Harvey would never stop taking him by surprise that's for sure. He made his way back to his cell and sat on his bunk trying to figure out some way he could make it up to his mentor. Harvey deserved that much.

* * *

Louis Litt prided himself on being able to read people. You didn't become a high paid lawyer without picking up a few tricks on basic human relations. That's why when he noticed changes in Donna alarm bells immediately went off in his head.

He noticed the subtleties in her behaviour, the phone calls, the staying late and the constant need to be around someone. Sure, her mood had picked up immensely since she had seen Harvey at the funeral, but even that could only change her behaviour so much. It wasn't like Louis to worry so much. He had never worried this much about Esther, about Sheila or about any other person so much in his life. Of all the people he knew in this world, Donna Paulson was one of the few people he knew didn't need looking after. She was strong, and bold, she carried herself with such grace and determination and more than anything she knew how to be the person you needed most. They had bonded over their love of the ballet. Louis was grateful for the chance to have her working for him, their bond had only grown from there. He knew more than anything that although Donna didn't need looking after, it wasn't going to stop him for one second. Even the strongest armour gets cracks, even the mightiest fall at some point. Harvey was himself a testament to the latter. He had seen the cracks in Donna and when Harvey had entrusted him to take care of Donna he had never taken a request so seriously in his life.

That's how he now found himself following Donna back to her apartment, hidden silently behind her making sure she was safe. Like always, Donna had waited for Jessica to leave before following her out. Louis watched her climb in a cab and head towards her apartment, he moved hell and high water to make sure he beat her there. He stood across the street hidden away as she climbed ever so gracefully out of the car. From up the street Louis watched as a tall man started heading towards Donna, making her flinch ever so slightly as she saw him approach. Louis crept closer towards them as they started having a heated conversation. He needed to hear what was being said.

"You need to stop following me Mitchell or I'm going to the police" Louis heard Donna say. He could hear the way her voice was wavering, her body language tense.

"We are meant to be together Donna, why are you trying to keep us apart?" The man said back. Louis heard the desperation in his voice and that scared him more than anything.

"No Mitchell, we aren't and the sooner you realise that and leave me the hell alone the better" Donna was growing in confidence as she spoke, her voice no longer so timid.

"If this is about Harvey still, you need to let him go. I'm sorry I tried to push myself onto you, but Donna he's never coming back. You can't live the rest of your life married to a ghost" Louis could see Donna flinch as the words left Mitchell's mouth.

"This isn't about Harvey. This is about you and the fact you can't seem to understand that I'm not interested in you Mitchell" Donna replied. She was trying to remain as calm as possible but she could feel the panic creeping up her throat.

"You fucking selfish bitch. How dare you stand there and lie to me. Of course this is about Harvey. You loved him and he couldn't give you what you wanted and you hated him for that. Now that he's gone you've decided that the whole fucking world revolves around him. Well what makes you think if he ever comes back that he would want such filth like you?" Mitchell screamed.

Louis was starting to pick up his pace, making his way over to the pair as fast as his legs would take him. He didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Don't you dare" Donna started to say before he cut her off again

"You know what Donna, you aren't all that pretty and you aren't that great. I don't know what I saw in you" Mitchell yelled, his face only inches from her "You weren't even that good of a fuck"

"You think you are all great and powerful, well let me tell you something. You will never even be half the man Harvey is, you.." Donna was cut off as Mitchell roughly pushed her backwards. She struggled to stay standing on the heels she had chosen to wear that day.

Louis Litt saw red in that moment. His legs moved at a speed never seen before as Mitchells arm raised to strike Donna. Louis put all his might into launching himself towards Mitchell, taking them both to the ground. He heard Donna gasp in the background but that wasn't his concern right now. He threw a punch into Mitchells face, taking delight when he felt something crack under his hand.

"Now you listen here you sick son of a bitch. This woman is the strongest, most beautiful, talented, smart and gorgeous woman on the earth. If I ever see you anywhere near her, If you ever even say her name out loud I will find you and I will kill you so quickly you won't even have time to cry for your mummy. You will never be even half the man Harvey is and you certainly don't deserve someone like Donna" Louis raised his fist, landing one more harrowing punch on Mitchells bruised face "You come here again, and you are going to wish you had never heard the names Donna Paulson, Harvey Specter or Louis Litt"

* * *

Donna couldn't help but be nervous as she stood outside the gates to the prison. Unlike the others she had never had a reason to go to prison prior to all of this. She had no idea what to expect, no idea how to act or what to do and the three hours she spent looking it up on google the night before did nothing to appease her nerves. Seeing he at the funeral was one thing, they could both hide behind the suit and seemingly normality of at all but there would be no hiding here. She would be seeing him in his prison issue clothing, stuck on opposite sides of a table forced to talk in the presence of thirty other men trying to spend time with their loved ones. Donna also knew that deep down Harvey didn't want her to see him like this. Could she blame him? Of course not. Harvey Specter had spent his whole life constructing facades, making his outward appearance the top priority of his life. To have this taken from him, forced to live an entirely different life and now have the people he loved most see him like that would be heart breaking. Donna didn't care though. She didn't care what Harvey thought, he was still the same person to her. She didn't care about the money, or the suits, she just cared about the man behind it all.

She joined the que to go inside. She followed every instruction perfectly not wanting to jeopardize her chance to see him. Once she had handed in all her personal belongings she was lead down a corridor to the visitor's room. She couldn't help but notice how plain and boring everything was and how claustrophobic everything felt. Donna thought sadly that if this is what the public side looked like, the private side where the inmates lived would be so much worse. She took a seat at a free table, and waited.

It didn't take long for her to spot Harvey coming into the room. He was in conversation with a fellow inmate who turned to go and see his own family. Harvey stopped walking as soon as his eyes met Donna's. She looked him up and down before he sat down. The beard had grown more, his hair hanging softly over his face being slightly longer than she was used to seeing. His khakis hung low on his hips and white tee shirt clinging tightly to his ever broadening muscles. Donna had never seen someone look so attractive in her whole life. He gave her an easy smile before taking the seat opposite her.

They stared at each other for a few moments, neither of them needing to speak. They wanted a moment to appreciate what was right in front of them.

"You're looking good Harvey, been hitting the gym?" She started softly. A hint of humour in her voice.

"I always look great" He smiled back "I've got a bit more free time to work out these days"

"Well you certainly aren't letting it go to waste that's for sure" Donna laughed "Nor are you letting this affect your ego"

"You know as well as I do that my ego is what you love about me" Harvey joked although Donna could see the seriousness behind his words. He had missed her, she was sure of that.

"Mike's out in a couple of months. Rachel said he's been doing some community college work and has a potential job lined up for when he's out" Donna said softly, unsure as to how Harvey would react to the news

Donna watched as his eyes softened. She saw a flash of pride in his eyes as he leant back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head. He gave her a true genuine smile.

"Well I'm glad I don't have to go kick his ass for throwing his life away again" Harvey replied. His voice full of affection even though Donna could see he was trying to hide it.

"Rachel's planning the wedding as well, now that it's finally hit her that Mike will be home soon she can't help herself" Donna knew that this information more than any would hurt Harvey, he would want to be there celebrating with them, but she refused to walk on eggshells around him and hide things especially now he had trusted her enough to come and see her.

"So long as Louis doesn't get promoted to best man then good on them" His voice was tight, she could hear the slight waver as he tried to convince her that it didn't bother him. This was the man who Harvey considered to be a brother. The man who he had given up everything for. Harvey should be standing on that alter next to him, handing over ownership of his puppy to Rachel, the woman Harvey himself was fond of even if he wouldn't say it out loud. Things like this were the little reminders of everything he would miss out in the next five years, moments and memories he would never get to be apart of.

"You know this is all happening because you gave them the chance. You took the bullet so that Mike could have the life he had always dreamed of" Donna reached out and softly touched his hands. She felt him flinch slightly before he let his hand relax under hers.

"Does that mean I don't have to get them a wedding gift?" He asked lightly, his eyebrows rose in a teasing manner. Just like old times, Donna thought sadly to herself.

"I think you've given us all plenty"

* * *

Harvey walked sadly back towards his cell. He wanted his visit with Donna to end and yet at the same time couldn't wait for her to leave. It was degrading having to see her like this. She had been his one constant for more than 12 years, if anyone was going to be accepting him then it was her. He wasn't the same Harvey anymore though. He wasn't the person that she had worked under for all those years, the persons he had gotten to know and came to rely on.

The air was hot in the unit, the air con breaking a few days earlier. His tee shirt clung to his body as the sweat started to pool on his skin. He could see that everyone around him was sick and tired of the heat. The guards were doing sweet nothing to make sure it came back on, only revelling in the misery of those forced to live in the conditions. Harvey finally made his way back to his cell where he flung himself onto his bed with a thud. He couldn't believe that he had already been in prison for a year. He thought sadly of all the things he had missed out on in that time. Time with Marcus before his death, hopefully having a second chance at explaining his feelings to Donna, of being there with Jessica as they continued to take over the law world one day at a time. Harvey hated the fact that this year had seemed to take forever, and he still had five more waiting for him. Sure he was eligible for parole after four years but he highly doubted they would give it to him. His many visits to solitary and track record for fighting didn't bode well for him getting out on good behaviour. His temper had always been his kryptonite. Ever since childhood he had struggled to contain the rage that bubbled under his skin. Sure, he had found tactics to control it better, boxing and scotch being the two main things, but now he was locked up he didn't have access to those things. He knew he would need to pull his act together if he ever wanted to get out of here before his six years were up.

Harvey was pulled from his thoughts as alarm bells rung in the background. He could hear people running and shouting all down the corridors. He stood up and walked to the door of his cell to see his fellow inmates going mental. There were bins on fire, people screaming and only a handful of guards trying to get control.

"What the hell is going on?" Harvey asked as he spotted Ryan running towards him.

"We are rioting Law, you better get ready for one hell of a showdown" Ryan laughed before continuing his path down the corridor.

Harvey heard the tell-tale sign of the cells beginning to shut and quickly made his decision to jump out of his cell as not to be trapped in. The heavy duty doors leading to the exists began to close, trapping both prisoners and guards alike inside the unit. People were shoving and pushing as they made their way around the unit finding anything that could be used as a weapon. Harvey watched in horror as three inmates tackled a lone guard to the ground, using his own weapons against him. They took his keys before cuffing the guard to stair railing. He was still unconscious but Harvey was able to tell from a distance that he was still breathing.

"Well boys, it's time to show them who is boss around here" The ringleader shouted. Harvey recognized him as Matthew, a frequent offender for tax evasion and relatively non-violent crimes. Harvey wondered to himself what could have possibly pushed the man as far as to start a riot. He guessed some people were really taking the heat badly.

Harvey hung back, watching from a distance what was going on. Doors were being forced open, alarms still ringing. He could hear the faint sound of helicopters and sirens in the distance knowing that the reinforcements would soon be arriving to take them all down. Harvey started moving down the corridor towards the showers, hoping he would be able to slip away unnoticed. As he made his way down the hall he felt his collar roughly pulled as his body flew into an open cell. Standing there was a guard that Harvey had only seen a handful of times. He couldn't even remember his name. He was young, baby-faced, and in way reminded him of what Mike had looked like when he had first hired him.

"Put, put, put your hands on the wall" The guard stammered out trying to act tougher than he was.

"Hey calm down, I'm not going to hurt you" Harvey replied, he put his hands up in front of him. No way was he going to put them on the wall; he wasn't going to let the guard get the upper hand, no matter how scared the kid was.

"I'll use it" The guard told him, referring to the pepper spray he currently held in his hands.

Harvey looked at the kid sadly. His hands were shaking so badly that he wouldn't have the aim to actually get Harvey with any of it. This kid was going to get himself killed if he even tried to walk out of this cell. The inmates would pounce and he wouldn't stand a chance. Harvey was thinking of what to do but every time he had an idea he quickly banished it away. There was not a lot he could do to make sure this kid got out of here alive.

"Yo Law, what you got here?" Harvey turned around at the sound of Goon's voice. Harvey shuddered, keeping the guard alive just got ten times more difficult.

"That's none of your concern" Harvey replied sharply.

"What? You want him all to yourself? That's a bit greedy of you isn't it?" Goon said with a viscous smile. Harvey tried not to gulp.

"Get out of here" Harvey took a step closer. He tried to make himself look as physically intimidating as possible. He had beaten this clown once before, he just hoped that he could do it again before anyone else noticed what was going on.

"No. This little punk is going to learn who is boss around here. Either you show him, or I will" Goon walked towards them now fully inside the cell.

The guard looked like he was going to piss himself. His whole body was now shaking violently as the seriousness of the situation finally struck him. He shot a pleading look in Harvey's direction, Harvey just stared back hoping the kid picked up on his look telling him not to say or do anything stupid. This wasn't what he signed on for when he took this job.

"Now are you going to do it Law, or am I?" His voice cold and threatening. Harvey knew this was crunch time. This was the moment in his life where he needed to decide what kind of man he was. People had always told him he was cold, selfish, arrogant, an asshole. Then there were the select few who would use a different array of words, caring, selfless, loving, those were the opinions of the people who mattered most. Were the wrong about him? Was he as horrible was the majority thought him to be? Maybe this wasn't some punishment enforced on him to make him hate the world even more, maybe being forced out of a job and out of his life was a time to finally decide the person that he wanted to be. He needed to be the person that those select few thought he was. He needed them to know he was more than just an arrogant smile and a flashy suit.

"No" Was all Harvey said back.

He saw Goons eyes go wide and then instantly flash to rage. He pushed forward into Harvey, his fist connecting with the side of Harvey's head. Harvey recoiled back before managing to stay on his feet. He reined a few hits into Goons face before they were all out brawling. Thankfully no one else had noticed what was going on, all too preoccupied with their own vendettas. Goon and Harvey traded punches back and forward, Harvey could feel the blood starting to pour off his face. The guard was now crying in the background, soft whimpers that broke Harvey's heart. Harvey winced in pain as he felt his wrist crack as he landed a particularly painful punch into Goons face.

Neither man was getting the upper hand. The even match was now taking a toll on both of their bodies as they fought for control. Harvey managed to side step Goon and push him out into the second story corridor. Goon retaliated by jabbing Harvey multiple times in the ribs, Harvey bit out a groan as more bones in his body were breaking. Just as Goon was about to throw the knockout punch Harvey managed to dodge it. Without thinking Harvey threw all his weight into the final punch, knocking Goon backwards with force.

Harvey watched in horror as Goon went tumbling towards the rail, his body lifelessly flying over the edges and landing on the hard concrete below. Harvey leant over the rail, his heart racing and breathing erratic. Goon was lying on the floor, blood pooling at his head. His eyes open and lifeless. Harvey looked down at his own hands which were now covered in blood. What the fuck had he just done? He looked around frantically and thankfully no one had seemed to notice Goon yet, he needed to get out of there before anyone put the pieces of the puzzle together. He turned around and saw the guard standing there, shaking, his body a tinge a green as he the realisation of what Harvey had just done hit him.

"Now's the not the time Kid, here's what we are going to do" Harvey said sternly.

With that, Harvey started pulling off his own uniform and making the kid put it on. Harvey was left standing there in his underwear surveying the bruises that littered his body. The prison issue uniform was far too big on the kid but at least it was a safer option that running round in the guard's uniform he had been previously wearing. Harvey ordered the kid to go and find a way out, to put his badge in his pocket and run like mad out of there. It took a few moments but finally the guard seemed to snap back to reality and head for the door.

"Thank you" Was all the kid said before he headed off down the corridor in the hopes of saving himself.

Harvey ran back to his cell and threw a pair of pants on, he decided in this heat to leave the shirt off for now. Staring at the blood that now stained his hands he quickly threw up in the sink of his cell. Standing he took sight of himself in the mirror. How had a day that had started so perfectly ended like this? He let a few stray tears fall down his face before slumping down the wall next to him. He couldn't get the smell of blood of his nose; he scrubbed angrily at his hands trying to get the blood off of them.

What the hell had he done?

* * *

Jessica got into the office early that morning. Despite trying to cut back on her hours to focus on her relationship with Jeff she still found herself in the office early most mornings. She enjoyed the serenity of being in the office alone. She could sit at her desk and think of what the day was going to be like, of the things she needed to do. She could reflect on life in a way she wasn't able to do at any other time. She had to keep up appearances after all. The moment someone walked in she would have to be a different person. Jessica Pearson, feared lawyer, cold and emotionless. The façade took its toll on her and some mornings she wondered if it was worth it.

She sat at her desk sipping her coffee, reading through case notes of all the upcoming meetings she had that day. She reached around to turn the TV on that sat in the corner of her office to provide some background noise.

Her attention was immediately caught by the headlines. Live footage of helicopters, SWAT teams and more police she had ever seen in her life circling a prison. Her eyes caught the name and her heart sunk. News of riot, inmates and guard's dead, the inmate's still running riot holding the majority of the prison to ransom. Jessica listened as they explained that they had cut off food, water and cranked the heat up in a way to make the inmates as uncomfortable as possible. The reporter commented that the prison had been in anarchy for over twelve hours and that the SWAT teams were getting ready to go in, prepared to use whatever forced needed to take down the prisoners.

Her heart sunk.

Harvey.

What the hell had he done?

 **Well there we go another chapter done. The drama continues in the next chapter don't you even worry! Always happy to hear suggestions of what you guys want to see in the coming chapters. Once this arc has finished we will probably head into Mike being released from prison. Anything you guys want to see just let me know and Ill see what I can do.**

 **Hopefully not too long till the next chapter! Leave a review and have a wonderful day :) Thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**So who else here was super disappointed with the final. I hope I am not the only one, I thought it was super anticlimactic. Anyways here is part two of three. I'm sorry its a bit shorter in fact the shortest chapter of the story so far but its just leading into what happens in the next chapter so its almost a filler. I hope you enjoy it none the less. I adore reading all the reviews so keep them coming.  
**

 _Oh, look what you've done_  
 _You've made a fool of everyone_  
 _Oh well, it seems like such fun_  
 _Until you lose what you had won_  
 _Jet: Look What You've Done_

He could feel the sweat pouring off his face. Even without his shirt on and his pants rolled up to his knees the air around him was still painstakingly warm. He would hazard a guess that the powers at be had turned the heating on as high as they could in an attempt to wear down the inmates. He had spent most of the time so far holed up in his cell. He didn't want to see what carnage was going on around him. He could hear roaring and screaming constantly, clearly the increased heat hadn't done anything to stop the inmates morale. The blood was still stuck to his skin, no matter how many times he scrubbed at them it just wouldn't go away. Bruises had started forming around his chest, breathing was now a painstakingly slow task each movement causing more pain to his damaged ribs. His face was a mess, dried blood and bruises were scattered all over. He was glad no one could see him now. He certainly didn't feel like himself right now. Yesterday he was just Harvey Specter, the best closer in the city who broke the law by hiring a fraud and was now paying the price. Today he was something new, he was a monster. Now he was Harvey Specter the murderer. He had taken someone's life. He had looked Goon dead in the eyes as he landed the final blow and done nothing but watch limply as Goon fell painfully to the ground below. He was no longer the person he thought he was. That person had a mother and a father, maybe siblings, potentially even some kids waiting for him on the outside and now because of his actions those people would never have the chance to be reunited.

Harvey Specter had killed someone.

How was he ever going to look at himself? How the fuck was he ever going to look the people he loved in the eyes knowing what he had done? Would they think differently of him? Would they treat him like the monster that he now was?

Harvey's mind was running a million miles an hour. He wanted to crawl up into a ball, hide away and never be seen again. He wanted to scream, to rip his cell apart and bang his head against a wall. He knew none of that was possible though. Right now he was still caught up in a fight for his life, a riot that had the potential to throw more violence and pain his way. This wasn't the moment to be weak.

Harvey was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Ryan entering his cell. He glanced up to see Ryan staring concerned at him.

"Yo Law, we need you out here man" Ryan commented cautiously

"Why?" Harvey responded, eyes never leaving the floor

"The pigs are closing in, we can hear them outside. We need to storm as much of the building as we can. The more muscle power we have the greater chance of winning this battle" Ryan said back.

Harvey didn't even know what they were fighting for anymore. Sure, it sucked when they didn't fix the heating problem but was that really a reason to start all of this. They would all be punished, sentences increased and freedom ripped from them. Was that worth it? Harvey sure as hell didn't think so. The moment the powers at be stormed this building they wouldn't take any prisoners, Harvey knew they would use whatever force they deemed necessary to make sure they regained control of their prisoners. More inmates would be killed, more families torn apart and Harvey couldn't think of one single reason why it worth it. What did he have to lose though? He had Jessica, Donna, Mike, the people who he cared about immensely. He no longer had a family, his brother and father wouldn't be standing there waiting for him when he eventually got out. No longer would he be a high paid lawyer after being disbarred for hiring a fraud. The money, the fame and the power were all gone. Harvey would have to start his life from nothing. Jessica would never let him sink, he was sure of that. Those who he had given up everything to protect would be there to help him. Harvey thought bitterly to himself that he no longer deserved their care. He was no better than the countless criminals and frauds they had taken down. His right to redemption had been stripped from him the moment Goon hit the floor.

"Give me a minute, I'll be right out" Harvey said finally looking up from his spot on the floor.

Ryan threw him a grin before heading back out into the chaos.

Harvey took a moment to pull himself together. He could hear the helicopters circling above, the troops preparing to storm at any second. Still with traces of Goons blood on his hands and bare chest, blending in with the copious amounts of bruises across his skin, he stood up and walked to his cell door. The pain from his ribs sending shocks through his body only served to remind him why he needed to fight. Harvey Specter had nothing left to lose.

With that, he took one last look at his cell before joining his fellow inmates, prepared for whatever fight was coming their way.

* * *

Jessica Pearson had never seen so many people crowded in her office before. The moment news of the prison riot hit everyone seemed to cram themselves into her office watching the news with mixed emotions.

Everyone's first concern was obviously Harvey. Was he okay? Was he involved? They knew that it would be a long time before they had answers to any of the questions running through their brains. Jessica was one of the few people who knew Harvey on a deeply personal level. She had seen him go from a lost, angry kid in a mail room to one of the most feared lawyers in New York City. Jessica knew that the anger still laid dormant within him. Though many had seen flashes of his violent temper, few had seen what he was truly capable of when he was pushed beyond his breaking point. If he panicked, felt himself being backed into a corner or was provoked to join the violence then Jessica Pearson knew better than anyone that Harvey was a force to be reckoned with. She prayed silently that he didn't do anything stupid. Their delicate family would not cope if he could his sentence increased, or even worse, if he got himself killed. The only thing holding them together was the knowledge that this wasn't forever, that they would eventually get him back. Jessica just hoped he wasn't stupid enough to put that in jeopardy.

The news was showing the state police and armed forces ready to barge the prison forcing an end to the riot by whatever means needed. The reporter was currently talking about the prison itself, the layout, how many prisoners were held inside and how the troops planned to gain entry. Jessica was sure no one was truly listening, all being too caught up in their own thoughts to pay much attention.

"When will we hear if he's okay"? Louis asked. Jessica had to do a double take, not recognizing the frightened voice coming out of the usually brash mans mouth.

"The moment this is over I'm going to pull every string I have to find out, leave that to me Louis" Jessica tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible. Right now they needed a leader, someone to guide them. She had been playing that role a lot lately, she was starting to wonder how much more she had left in the tank. A nice vacation to the Bahamas sounded good right about now.

"Why does this keep happening" Donna stated softly, the first words she had said all morning.

No one had an answer for her. Was hiring Mike that big of a mistake that they deserved all of this. Just when things were starting to get back to normal the carpet was ripped out from them once more. They couldn't seem to keep their heads above water anymore. If this was some sort of cosmic bullshit then they had all had just as much as they could handle. They were only human. As much as they all liked to think of themselves as these superhero lawyers, untouchable, greater than any mere mortal, they were still human. They still hurt. They still grieved and felt loss just as much as anyone else. There was only so many times you could bounce back before you stopped getting back up.

"I remember when I first met Harvey. He had this god awful half mullet with the tips dyed bleach blond. He thought he looked so cool with it. Took me almost a month to talk him into getting a haircut" Jessica broke the silence, thinking that if they talked about the good moments then they would forget the drowning sadness of it all for just a moment.

"Please tell me you have photographic evidence?" Louis' whole face lit up and the prospect of blackmail material.

"Who do you think I am Louis" Jessica said sternly, pausing for a moment "Of course I do" She smiled.

"I still remember when he first came to the DA's office. His suits were all second hand and stopped about an inch above his ankle. He spent the next six months trying to convince everyone it was the new fashion" Donna smiled softly to herself.

"Why was I not around to witness any of this?" Louis sulked quietly "By the time we were associates together he was the lean mean Harvey Specter cool as a cucumber"

"What about his first month as an associate here, when he had that bad burrito for lunch and threw up all over the judge's shoes?" Jessica laughed to herself as she remember the shocked look on his face as he tried to regain his composure, Louis laughing in hysterics next to him and Jessica trying to smooth over the situation.

"Oh my god, and then he spent the next two hours on the men's room floor hugging the toilet bowl" Louis' eyes lit up with delight "I think I still have a photo of that somewhere on my phone"

"He certainly never does anything in halves" Donna laughed

"I wish I had got to see that side of Harvey" Rachel commented from the corner, the first she had participated in any conversation all morning.

"Trust me, when that boy is sick, or embarrassed then you don't want to be anywhere near him. He goes on the warpath" Donna quipped back

"Heaven forbid he gets a simple cold, you'd think the whole world was ending" Jessica said

"Nothing brought me more pleasure than Harvey pretending like he wasn't sick. He looks like a kicked puppy from the first moment he sneezed" Donna laughed

"Harvey Specter can never seem to do anything the easy way" Jessica commented

With that all their attention was turned back to the TV, the moment of reprieve now over. Although the room felt lighter, Jessica wondered if it only served to remind them what they were now missing. She couldn't find it within herself to care though, at least for a few moments they had all seemed to forget about the situation they were watching unfold. Jessica Pearson would bring down heaven and hell for the people she worked with, for her family, and she sure as anything wasn't going to let this sink them. They had come too far to lose now.

* * *

Harvey didn't know how long he had been running for. The sweat was starting to collect on his forehead as he navigated through the maze of the prison. He didn't know where he was going and why he was even running anymore. Pools of blood filled the corridors as a reminder of all the violence the riot had caused. Harvey forced himself not to look at it knowing if he did he wold probably throw up all over the place. The pain in his chest was growing, he was becoming more short of breath with every step. He knew he needed to give his aching ribs a break but somehow he couldn't stop his feet from moving forward.

"Law, this way dude" Ryan called out. They were heading to the main control room, hoping that they could tap into the outside cameras to see when the troops were going to enter. It would give them an advantage that Harvey knew would come in handy.

Harvey carefully stepped over the body of a fallen prisoner. Harvey hadn't seen him before but couldn't help but feel ever growing sadness at how young the kid looked. Couldn't have been more than 25 and now was never going to see another day. Harvey wondered if this day could get any worse.

Ryan and Harvey quickly worked to get the cameras operating. Harvey gulped when he caught site of just how many police were waiting outside to storm the building. They were screwed. No matter how long they fought off the attacks the troops were going to outnumber and out power them. They had the ability to turn off the power, close the systems down and trap them all. One way or another they were going to take back control and Harvey knew they didn't care who they killed to make sure they succeeded.

As soon as they had finished Harvey headed back towards the showers. Hoping for a moment alone to at least collect his thoughts and figure out what the hell was going to do next. He was pleasantly surprised when he got in there to find it empty. He sat down on the bench and put his head in his hands. Never in his life did he ever think he was going to end up like this. The storm of emotions brewing inside of him was almost too much to overcome, Harvey knew better though, now was not the time to show weakness. His whole life had been spent constructing emotional walls around him and this was the day where he needed them most. The times where he had pushed his feelings down, ignored them, blatantly lied to himself and others about how he was feeling, that's what he needed to channel right now.

Harvey was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of yelling and banging coming from the laundry room next to the showers. Harvey cautiously got up to see what all the noise was. He was vaguely aware in the background that the commotion outside had just increased tenfold, he wondered if the guards had begun storming in.

Harvey rounded the corner to see the same guard he had earlier protected be surrounded by three other inmates. Clearly the use of Harvey's prison uniform had not been enough to keep him clear of danger.

"Please, I've got a wife and a baby son and a mother and I need to look after them all" The guard was begging, tears falling off his face. Harvey could see that he was always roughed up a bit, new bruises forming on his face.

"You wanted to play in the big boys club, its time you learned what that means" The first prisoner snarled, closing in towards the guard

"If you wanted to keep your family safe you should have never joined the dirty pigs to begin with" The second prisoner joined in.

The guard visibly flinched, the front of his pants now stained with urine as the fear and panic set in. Harvey wondered if this is what Goon had felt right before he went over the railing, or whether it had all been too quick and he hadn't even seen the blow that ended his life coming. Harvey prayed it was the latter of the two, knowing he would never be able to live with himself if he had inflicted this level of fair into someone else.

The yelling in the halls was getting louder. Harvey knew he didn't have long to act as the two prisoners had noticed it as well. The curtain was coming down around them and they no longer had any time left.

"Well, I hope you said goodbye to your wife and kid this morning cuz you sure as hell ain't going to be seeing them again" The first prisoner snarled.

Harvey's body reacted before his mind had a chance to play catch up. He found himself running across the room pushing the first prisoner out of the way and making his way over the guard and the man moving threateningly closer by the second.

"Get the fuck away from him" Harvey shouted, moving to put his body between the two men. Harvey was having dejuvu, the guard sure as hell owed him a lot. For the second time in one day Harvey found himself protecting someone he had never even met before, heck, he still didn't even know the kids name.

"And who the hell do you think you are?" The prisoner shouted at him. His face lit with anger.

Harvey turned his head sideways slightly, his eyes never leaving the prisoner. "Run, run and don't look back" Harvey commented to the guard.

It seemed to take a few seconds for the guards mind to play ball but after only a brief moment's hesitation the guard took off running. Harvey only hoped the guard could stay out of trouble for the next hour or so. Harvey wasn't going to be the one to save him again.

"You're going to pay for that"

Harvey didn't even have time to register the prisoners words before feeling a burning pain explode in his stomach. He looked down weakly to see a shank now sticking out of his abdomen, blood already starting to trickle down his bare stomach. His eyes looked up wearily to see the prisoners take off running as five policemen stormed through the laundry. Harvey didn't have time to feel relieved, to feel angry or hurt, he just limply grabbed his stomach as his eyes rolled back in his head, the world going black around him.

For the briefest second Harvey was relieved that he no longer felt the pain of being locked up. The anguish at killing a man or for letting his family down by turning into something he didn't even recognize anymore.

For the first time in nearly two years Harvey Specter felt nothing as his lifeless body hit the ground, oblivious to the commotion going on around him.

He just hoped his family would forgive him.

 **Well there we go, we end on a bit of a cliffhanger. I promise I wont keep you waiting too long for the next chapter. Please leave a review, I do read them all and take any advice on board so feel free to leave suggestions.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here we go, sorry I left you in such suspense for so long! I hope this satisfies you all. It's also like double the length of the last one so that's exciting.**

 _Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend  
somewhere along in the bitterness  
and I would have stayed up with you all night  
had I known how to save a life_

 _\- The Fray: How to Save a Life_

Ten days.

They had all been holding onto hope for ten days now.

The call had come to Jessica's office early the day after the prison was successfully reclaimed. News that Harvey had been found unconscious on the floor, stab wound to the stomach, multiple broken ribs and an array of bruises littering his body. He had been taken into emergency surgery to try and repair the damage done his failing organs. A punctured lung, a kidney damaged beyond repair and a concussion most likely resulting from hitting the floor unconscious.

Medically induced coma.

That's what they had been told Harvey was in right now. The only solution to allow his broken body to heal itself and give him any chance of recovering from the brutality he had faced in the riot. The details of how he had been injured were unclear and they all knew Harvey was the only one who would be able to provide answers. The man in question was currently surrounded by every tube and wire known to man. His hands lay limply at his sides, both wrists cuffed to the railing of the bed as if he posed some kind of threat to anyone right now. Nurses came in and out multiple times a day to check on him for any changes, so far there had been none. The guard outside the door kept vigil, never smiling or joking, simply doing his job of making sure Harvey didn't go anywhere.

Donna hadn't left the hospital in ten days. From the moment they had got the call she vowed she wouldn't leave his side until they knew he was going to be ok. She couldn't imagine anything worse than waking up in hospital, cuffed to the bed, having no clue what had happened and being all alone. She would make sure that Harvey would never have to know what that would feel like. She had petitioned with the nurses to have the cuffs removed by they claimed they couldn't, it was state policy that regardless of condition all prisoners remained cuffed unless they were on the operating table. Apparently they didn't want to risk Harvey waking up without anyone noticing and leaving the hospital. Donna had never heard something so ridiculous in her life, she knew with all his injuries Harvey wouldn't even be able to get out of bed, let alone out of the whole damn hospital. She held her tongue though, not wanting to get kicked out for making a racket. She also knew that the nurses were only doing their job and they didn't need Donna making it any harder for them.

He was barely recognizable to her. The man she had come to know better than any other person who walked the earth now looked like a stranger she would pass by in the street. His face black and blue with bruises. His bare chest was covered, either with tubes, wires, bruises or bandages. She could see the muscle bulging out but for the first time it didn't turn her on, it only served to remind her how much he had changed. She wondered what the kind of violence he had been subjected to. Would he be a different man after this? He had already changed so much since being imprisoned, she was unsure whether she could handle any more changes.

Donna was so angry at herself. As she sat there looking at Harvey she realized how much time they had wasted. They had danced around each other and their feelings for over 12 years and for what? She knew more than anything that this was the man she loved. If she wasn't sure before, then facing the possibility of losing forever made her realise that she was missing out on. This was the man who could instantly put a smile on her face. He was the one who fought for her at every turn never letting her face anything alone. He was the man who made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, who treasured who, not for what she offered but for who she was. He was the one she looked forward to seeing on a bad day knowing that he would cheer her up, he was the man who she celebrated success with and mourned the losses together. The feelings she felt when he had been sent away were overwhelming but they had nothing on this. This made her realise that nothing lasted forever, that life could be snatched away from you with just a moments warning. She hated that he might die not knowing how much she loved him. If that was the case, then Donna Paulson had no idea how she would keep on living.

So she waited, she held his hand and she prayed. She prayed that this would all go away. That this ugly, horrendous nightmare would end and they could go back to being Donna and Harvey. She prayed that he would be ok, that whatever had happened to him he was able to overcome. She just sat, and she cried, and she prayed.

She prayed that one day she would be able to tell him how much she loved him. Not for his power, or his money, not for his good looks and charm. She loved him simply for who he was.

She loved him because to her he was nothing more than Harvey Specter, the only man capable of making her go weak at the knees and feel like a school girl all over again.

She loved him because to her, he was just Harvey

The news was littered with the ramifications of the riot. Five guards killed, their faces flashing across the screen as the reporter spoke of how such tragedy had taken them away. Nineteen prisoners were also killed, although considerably less screen time was given to those lives lost. A handful of injuries requiring hospitalisation and a few of those critically injured. That was the category that Harvey fell into. No mention of his name, or the life he had lived. To them, he was simply another guilty face who deserved everything that had happened to him.

* * *

Mike Ross sat in the computer room reading every single article he could find on the riot. Rachel had tearfully called him telling him that Harvey had been injured. From that moment he had dedicated every spare second into finding out everything that he could. Apparently the prison was going to be shut down for the next while, the repairs meaning it was no longer safe to house any inmates. Each prisoner would have a review as to where they would be sent. This had already started and Mike was slowly getting used to busses full of inmates arriving having been transferred over. Mike wondered whether once Harvey was out of the hospital whether he would be sent here. The facility had a minimum and a medium element to it. Most of the prisoners were being sent into the medium side where freedom was slightly more limited, and only a small handful of them being sent into Mike's unit.

Mike found the chance to question everyone as to whether they knew Harvey, how he was doing and what had happened during the riot. Finally he found someone who could answer his questions.

"Do you know Harvey Specter?" He asked what must have been the seventh person of the day. He was getting sick of being brushed off, all he wanted was answers.

"Law? Yeah I know him" The man replied casually.

"Do you know what happened to him in the riot?" Mike asked, breathing a sigh of relief that finally someone knew Harvey and was willing to talk to him about it.

"I don't know, last time I saw him he was pretty banged up, but definitely not hospital worthy. Something must have happened after we split up" The man said back, sizing Mike up and down. "How do you know Law anyway?"

"He's in prison because of hiring me" Mike admitted, unable to hide the guilt from his voice

"You're Mike?" The man asked

Mike was only able to nod in reply, the shock of this man knowing his name too much.

"Ryan" The man said as he held his hand on for a shake "Look, Law got into some fight with a guy in our unit, the dude ended up dying. He was pretty cut up about it, but last I saw in the riot he was still fighting on. I don't know if the pigs got him when they entered or if he got into another fight, we will just have to wait till Law gets out to answer those questions" Ryan said back, his voice tender knowing that this would be hard for Mike to hear.

Mike couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. His whole body was paralysed as his mind struggled to comprehend what he had just been told. Harvey had killed someone? How the heck had that happened? Mike liked to think he knew Harvey better than most, apart from Donna, and although Harvey had a temper on him he would never kill someone. Harvey had immaculate control of his temper, and even when it bubbled to the surface he still managed to reign in control when he needed to. Mike couldn't imagine what would be going through Harvey's mind after that. Surely he wouldn't have gone and purposely done something stupid to ease his guilt. Mike's heart broke as the guilt of once again feeling like this was all his fault threatened to overwhelm him.

"Look kid, Law is a good dude, and he cares about you a hell of a lot. I'm sure that once this is all over he'll be fine" Ryan tried half-heartedly to comfort the man in front of him, both being aware he was failing miserable.

"Yeah, sure, thanks" Mike replied quickly.

He ran as quickly as he could knowing he only had ten minutes to reach the phone before they would be shut off for the night. He ran through all the possibilities of people to ring to let them know what he had learned. Donna was the first to come to mind but he quickly dismissed that idea, she wouldn't cope, especially not hearing it over the phone.

Finally deciding on who to ring he picked up the phone and dialled.

"Jessica, its Mike. We have a huge problem"

* * *

Jessica had finally convinced Donna to head home and take a shower, eat some food and get some much needed sleep. In truth, she just wanted a moment alone with Harvey. Mike's phone call had shaken her to the core more than she would like to admit. She had been glad that Mike had called her instead of any of the others, she knew that as few people as possible needed to know. This was Harvey's story to tell not theirs and Jessica wouldn't be going around sharing it in a huge hurry. Jessica knew the moment Harvey woke up that they would need to talk about it, but until then she wouldn't speak a word of it, and she had ordered the same out of Mike as well.

She had watched Harvey grow from an angry young man into a cool calm and collected lawyer. As he transformed in front of her eyes she had always marvelled at his self-control. He had mastered the art of bottling his emotions and projecting to the world that he was unbreakable, that no feeling would ever be enough to bring him down. Jessica Pearson knew better than that. She knew better than anyone that he was only human. He had the ability to feel fear, to be scared, to be hurt and angry, to be lonely and sad. He was not superman. Jessica was terrified of what this would do to Harvey. Better than anyone she knew, Harvey had the ability to feel responsible for all of the things out of his control. If he had no choice, if it was kill or be kill, it still wouldn't matter to Harvey. He had killed someone and that's the only thing that would stick in Harvey's mind. The delicate mind-set of a man already pushed to his limits was now seriously in jeopardy and Jessica didn't have a plan for this. She didn't know how to comfort the man who had become like a son to her. She wasn't sure how she was going to find the words to tell him that this was all going to be ok. It was in moments like this that she wished Marcus was still alive. He would know exactly what to say and how to cheer Harvey up.

She reached out from her chair and grabbed onto Harvey's hand. She needed to know that he was still there. Despite the fact they had never been particularly affectionate when it came to each other, and the fact he was lying in front of her, she still needed the reminder that he wasn't going anywhere. For now he was blissfully unaware of what was going on around him. In his comatose state he was allowed the solace of being free from the nightmares that plagued his life. She envied him for that a little bit. Jessica wasn't allowed the luxury of escaping. She had to be present 200% of the time in fifteen different locations at the same time. Her life was a constant stream of noise, of people, of situations needing to be dealt with. In the comfort of his hospital room, she simply let herself relax as the sound of the ventilator rhythmically pumping air into his lungs filled the room.

She was still holding on twenty minutes later when she felt his hand twitch for the first time since he had been taken in nearly two weeks ago.

She was also there when five minutes after that he groggily opened his eyes, staring straight into Jessica's.

She didn't think she would ever forget the broken and haunted look behind the eyes of the man who lay in front of her.

Donna rushed back to the hospital as soon as Jessica phoned her to say Harvey was starting to wake up. She didn't think it was possible to make it halfway across the city in that amount of time but she was a woman on a mission. As devastated as she was that it hadn't been her in that room, she was equally as appreciative for Jessica and the fact she had given up so much of her day to be with him.

She rounded the corner of the hospital and saw Jessica standing in the hallway, composed as ever.

"What's happening, why aren't you in there?" Donna asked, trying to keep any accusations out of her voice. The look on Jessica's face told her that she had failed.

"The doctor is in there giving him the once over, they kicked me out. Donna they will let us know as soon as we can go in and see him" Jessica said softly, knowing the fragility of the woman in front of her.

The both stood there, unsure of what of to do next, unaware of the world going on around them. The waiting was beginning to drag them both down. They each had their own questions running through their mind and the fear that the doctor would come back with bad news was at the forefront of most of their emotions. Finally, after what felt like forever, the doctor came back walking towards them

"How's he doing?" Donna asked quickly, almost physically pushing Jessica out of the way in the process to get to the doctor.

"Mr Specter is awake, for the next couple of days he will probably drift in and out as his body tries to recover. He's out of the worst part but he has a long way to go before those injuries have healed themselves" The doctor told them "He's lucky he's got people like you around him, he's going to need all the support he can get. I can't imagine the sights he saw in the riot were exactly pleasant"

"Can we see him?" Donna asked

"At this stage, one at a time and only for a few minutes. He really does need to rest. Please whatever you do, his heart and lungs have been under massive strain, you need to keep him as calm as possible" The doctor warned "If he starts getting wound up then I'm going to have to restrict his visitors even further"

Jessica pushed her way past Donna, she knew she needed to be the first to see Harvey. What kind of friend would she be to Donna if she didn't go first to assess the mental state of the man she thought of as a son. She needed to know what kind of damage was done to him beyond the physical wounds, how he was coping, before she would even consider leaving Donna alone with him.

She walked the familiar path back down to his room, taking slightly longer than necessary as she collected her thoughts. She hoped to God that he didn't remember what had happened inside the prison, or that by some miracle Mike had gotten in wrong. Jessica Pearson just hoped this was all a bad dream, she wasn't naïve enough however to believe that things would be easy, when had anything been easy lately?

She passed the guard as she crossed the threshold into Harvey's room. He was sitting upright now, the constricting tube no longer in his throat. He was staring at the window completely oblivious to the world around him.

She cleared her throat, not wanting to startle him. He turned his gaze to her, only maintaining eye contact briefly before turning back to the window.

"Oh Harvey" She whispered to herself as she moved to take the empty seat next to his bed, making sure she sat between him and the window he was currently distracting himself with.

"How are you feeling?" She started

He gave her his signature glare, hoping that she would understand what a stupid question that was to ask. Of course he was feeling like shit, you didn't need a medical degree to tell him that.

"The doctor reckons all going well you'll be in here another week or so before being sent back to the prison infirmary" Jessica watched as his visibly flinched at the mention of prison. She had no idea how to bring up the subject with him.

"Everyone sends their love" She tried again, hoping for an answer.

Still nothing. He had moved his eyes away from the window she was now blocking to the ceiling above him. She could see his throat constricting tightly, unsure if that was due to the pain of the tube being shoved down there, or the overwhelming emotion of his situation, she continued to press.

"The least you could do is ask me how my day is considering I've been sat by this bed for the past ten days waiting for you to wake up" New tactic, guilt, Jessica thought to herself. She would get him to open up one way or another.

"You shouldn't have wasted your time Jessica" His voice was so full of self-loathing and hatred that Jessica had to do a double take to make sure it was the voice of the man she had known for nearly two decades.

"You are worth my time" She stood up now, towering over his bed "And if you ever say something so god damn stupid again these wounds will be the least of your troubles"

He smirked slightly at that and Jessica took it as a victory.

"What happened in there Harvey?" Her voice no longer held the anger of her previous words, now filled with nothing but kindness and sympathy

He shut down again in front of her eyes. His mask on, eyes unfocused, she could tell he was trying to forget "I don't want to talk about it"

"Well you don't have a choice Harvey. You tell me, or you tell Donna or Louis, but for heaven's sake Harvey you are not shutting us all out" She argued back.

"Please leave me alone now" Was all he said, his eyes turning away from her and he covered his body with the blanket.

Jessica had tried. She had failed, but there was always next time. She would keep trying no matter how long it took her to make sure that Harvey got through this. She took a breath before making her way towards the door taking a moment to steal one last look at Harvey. She had never seen him look so small or broken before.

* * *

Donna had ignored Jessica's warnings to leave Harvey alone. Sure, she had pretended she understood and was heading home, only to be hiding around the corner waiting for the older woman to leave. She had been waiting for him to wake up for over ten days she wasn't going to give up now.

Carefully she re-entered the hospital, careful to sneak past the nurses station in case they told her she couldn't go in. She walked passed the guard by the door giving him a confident smile and wave while the anxiety bubbled up under the surface.

He looked better than the last time she had seen him. Propped up in the pillows the awful tube had been removed from his throat, replaced by a simple nasal cannula giving him addition oxygen through his nose. His eyes were shut and she could tell he was sleeping. His forehead creased and his face tense, she knew his rest was anything but peaceful. He was still pale. His body looking weaker than she could ever remember seeing.

She sat down on the chair next to his bed and reached out to grab his hand. His fingers instantly curled around hers and her heart filled with happiness. Donna wasn't sure how long she sat there in silence just staring at Harvey. Then she noticed his mouth starting to move, his whole body filling with tension. He started shifting back and forward quickly, his body shaking.

"No, no no" He started mumbling quietly "please stop" Donna stood up from her chair and leaned closer to him, her hand rubbing his arm hoping to soothe him from whatever torture he was going through in his mind right now.

"Harvey, wake up" She said forcefully

"No please don't make me do this" He moaned in his sleep, his body now shaking more violently.

"HARVEY! Please you need to wake up" She could no longer hide the fear from her voice as she struggle to remain composed.

"STOP" He screamed before throwing his eyes open and lurching forward on the bed.

His breathing was coming out short and sharp. Sweat pouring of his skin, his eyes wild and unfocused. Donna took a step back, not knowing what kind of mental state he was in she didn't want to get in harm's way knowing that neither of them would be able to cope with that.

"Harvey" She said once again softly when he had calmed down slightly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice tense and guarded.

"I needed to see how you were. Make sure that you were ok" She defended.

"I'm fine" was all he said before wiping some of the sweat of his face, doing everything he could to appear normal again. He knew Donna wouldn't be fooled but that didn't stop him from trying. He couldn't keep letting people see him like this, he needed to regain control of himself.

"That's not what most people would call fine Harvey" She had meant it light heartedly but she could tell from the moment the words had left her mouth that he hadn't taken them well. His whole body going tense again.

"Donna, just go" He ordered however none of the usual fight was in his voice anymore.

"I can't do that Harvey. I can't leave you here to go through whatever it is you're going through by yourself" She told him meaning every word of it, she would stand with him until the end of time if that's what it takes.

"You can't help me out of this one Donna, no one can" His eyes full of defeat, his voice pitying and small. This wasn't the Harvey she was used to.

"I can't lose you Harvey, not again" Donna told him, a single tear dripping down her face.

He turned to look at her. Their eyes meeting for the first time since they had been in the room together. She had to hold back a gasp as she saw how defeated and small he looked. This was not a look she was used to seeing on the face of Harvey Specter. His eyes had always been one of the things she loved about him. You could always tell Harvey's true mood by his eyes. When he would pretend to be angry at Mike his face would be stern and unflinching, his eyes however would twinkle with delight as the puppy struggled to form words. When he was angry his eyes would harden, narrow and be set at a deadly stare. When he saw something he liked, or something he thought was beautiful his eyes would light up dancing across the room as he tried to keep his face from giving him away. His eyes were always so beautiful. Now his eyes looked dead and cold, an emotion she had never once in the twelve years she had known him seen him wear. That scared her more than any wire or tube.

"I'm not worth saving anymore Donna" Harvey said softly "Please just leave me alone and don't come back"

"I can't do that Harvey you know…" She started

"DONNA DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE" She had been cut off by Harvey screaming at her. She flinched as his cold words sunk in "Don't come visit me anymore, don't call me, and don't ring me. Just go and live your life Donna. I'm not worth it"

"You are worth it to me Harvey. One day you might just see that"

* * *

With that she turned and left the room, refusing to turn around and look at him again. With tears pouring down her face she got into a cab and headed home.

Donna had finally manage to compose herself. She had made it back to her apartment where she had quickly poured herself the largest glass of wine she could find.

Sitting across on the table from her was Harvey's letter. The letter that had sat unopened for more than a year. The envelope dirty and creased showing how many times she had picked it up before changing her mind about opening it.

She had never seen Harvey like that before. She knew he was hurting but to see such defeat in his eyes, such rage in his voice, it was something she had never been prepared to deal with. Finally with a sigh, she picked up the letter she had been avoiding and began to read, hoping it would give her some answers about what Harvey really thought of her.

 _Donna._

 _I don't even know how to start this, how to find the words that I want to say._

 _I'm going to start simple - I'm sorry._

 _I'm sorry that I didn't come to you and tell you what I was going to do. I'm sorry that I left without so much as a goodbye. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this mess the day I hired Mike. I'm sorry that I held you back for so many years and stopped you going after the dreams you wanted. I'm sorry that I drove you away, that I pushed you to a point that you felt you needed to distance yourself from me. I'm sorry for the way I treated you after you left to work for Louis. I'm sorry that I never appreciated you in the way that you deserved and spent twelve years taking advantage of you. Most of all, I'm sorry for always being the man who stood in the way of you being happy._

 _I remember when we first started to work together. You terrified me. Never in my life had I met a woman who was so amazingly good at reading people, at anticipating my needs, challenging me to be better. You took me by surprise almost every single day we worked together in the DA's office. You become someone who I could depend on even though I had spent most of my life being as isolated as possible. When I came to Pearson Hardman I told Jessica that I wouldn't come to work without you. I was wrong. After that night we spent together between leaving the DA's office, I should have made you stay as far from Pearson Hardman as possible and continued chasing after you, seeing if we could make it work. Deep down though, I think we both know that I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship and I would have screwed it up. I was so damaged and broken that I would have taken you down with me, so for that I'm not sorry._

 _I have no excuse for the last few years though. I should have realised what was right in front of me a lot sooner. And me when you asked me how I love you, I shouldn't have run away like I did. You deserve better than that Donna._

 _Maybe it's the alcohol I've drunk tonight, or the fact that in the morning I will be faced with the possibility of never seeing you again. But here goes nothing Donna, you deserve at least this much. This is how I love you._

 _I love you for always being the one to call me out on my shift and not letting me get away with being a jerk._

 _I love you because every day I came into work you would be waiting for me, coffee in hand, and that jaw dropping smile on your face. It made me love you so much more to know that someone in this world was actually excited at the possibility of seeing me._

 _I love that you are always Donna, no matter what. You never let anyone change you or try and tell you that you aren't good enough. You know how great you are and you live every day showing the world._

 _I love the way your hair falls perfectly on your shoulders, always looking flawless._

 _I love that you are never afraid to speak your mind._

 _I love you protect your family more than anything, and people you have accepted into your family, and that you would do anything to protect them._

 _Here's the killer Donna, I love you so much, I love you with all of my being. I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. Sure, I thought with Scottie, and even Zoe that it was real love, but it wasn't until tonight when it really hit me that I wasn't going to be seeing you for a very long time that I realised what true love was and the fact it had always only been you. You were the one there for me when everyone else turned their back. You were there when I was on the edge of making a terrible decision, being the person to pull me down to earth. You were the person who I wanted to see, to talk to and to do life with. These last few months when you have been with Louis have killed me. To see you sitting in front of someone else's desk killed me. I started having panic attacks. My therapist tried to get me to open up about you and about my mother. Neither of those things I wanted to do. She did make me see that for twelve years I have treated you like shit. I have bullied you into working for me, making you feel shit for turning around and doing to the right thing when you left. I can't undo all the terrible things I've done in the last six months Donna, all I can do is hope you will forgive me._

 _I also need you to forgive me for not telling you that I was doing this, and more than anything I need you to forgive me for what I'm going to say next,_

 _Donna, please let me go. Whatever feelings you may or may not have for me, just let them go. Move on with your life, join the theatre, find a new job, travel, join the circus, just do something, anything, for yourself. Find new hobbies, new people to fill your life with. Find out who Donna Paulson is underneath it all. Take some time to put yourself first and do things simply because they make you happy. Find a new man, someone who treats you the way you deserve, who can make you smile more than they make you cry. Visit your family more, I know they miss you. I don't know right now how long I am going away for, but I know it will be a long time and I need you to let me go. I won't come out the same man that went in. I won't be the big powerful Harvey Specter anymore. I won't have the fancy job or the money or any of that. I know that my personality will probably change as much as I don't want to admit it. You've waited twelve years for me to admit how I feel about you, I'm not going to make you wait a single second longer to wait for me to get out. So please Donna, let me go._

 _You asked me how I love you, this is how I love you Donna,_

 _By letting you go, and letting you move on with your life. By letting you know that there is more to life than me, and that I can no longer give you the life you deserve. I love you Donna Paulson, but love sometimes isn't enough._

 _When this is over I can't wait to see where you end up. I can't wait to meet your husband and here all about the adventures you've had in the last few years. I can make the decision I am knowing that you will be safe. The threat of seeing you end up behind bars is gone. You, Jessica, Rachel, heck even Louis will all be safe. I should never have put you all in jeopardy the way I did and I will never be able to say sorry enough. Every day I am in there I will thank my lucky stars that you get to live your life, please don't put it to waste._

 _So, Donna Paulson. I love you. I always have. I'm sorry that I wasted twelve years of your life and I'm even sorrier that this is how I'm telling you that I love you._

 _If you love me even in the slightest, then please let me go, move on, move forward and forget me._

 _You have always been my rock._

 _Harvey._

Her hands were shaking. She didn't know what to do with the information he had just told her. He loved her. Harvey Specter loved Donna Paulson. It was what she had been waiting years for him to finally admit it. No one had ever said such kind words to her before.

He wanted her to let him go, he had said it in the letter and reiterated it with his harsh words earlier today. She didn't know if she could be that strong though. Strong enough to let the man she loved go. Especially at a time when he was hurting so badly.

Donna Paulson got off the couch and headed to her bedroom, slipping under the sheets. That night sleep didn't come easy as she lay in bed softly crying herself to sleep. She couldn't stop the tears even if she tried. She didn't want to lose Harvey but she could feel him slipping away. Whatever had happened in the riot had clearly effected deeply and she had no idea how to help him. She loved him so much but for the first time she wasn't sure whether that was going to be enough anymore.

She just lay there in the darkness of night and cried for everything in life she had lost. She couldn't bear to lose Harvey too.

 **So. Donna's letter. Quiet possibly the hardest part of this whole story to write. I hope it didn't disappoint you. Next up we might time jump a bit to Harvey being back in prison, will it be the same prison as Mike or a different one? That choice is up to you really let me know. And we are getting steadily closer to Mike's release. How will Harvey cope in the aftermath of the riot? How will everyone else try and help him? You will find out shortly :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! I've been on holiday and between that and work I just haven't had time i am SO SO SO SORRY!**

 **Thank you to everyone that has reviewed. I can't believe we've cracked over a hundred reviews on a story I came up with writing on my iphone during my lunch break at work. That's crazy. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, much love to all of you who have stuck with it!**

 _Don't get to close_  
 _It's dark inside_  
 _It's where my demons hide_  
 _\- imagine dragons: demons_

He could finally take a deep breath without feeling a stabbing pain shoot through his entire body. The wounds were starting to heal and the stitches out. Two weeks chained to a hospital bed and a further ten days in the prison infirmary had done wonders for his physical recovery. Harvey could barely look himself in the mirror anymore. The body he had once prided himself on was now riddled with scars serving as a constant reminder to how he had attained them. The jagged pink lines making him feel sick to his stomach as he remembered the exact moment he took another mans life. He wondered to himself if the feeling of nausea would ever go away? Would he ever be able to forgive himself over the incidents that took place in the riot. A small part of him wondered if the guard had been able to get himself out unharmed. The larger, more bitter part couldn't help but blame the guard. If he hadn't been so stupid to get himself trapped inside then Harvey would never have been put in that situation to begin with.

The calls and letters from his friends now went unanswered. The desperate cries to contact him were ignored. He could no longer find it within himself to converse with the people of his former life. The depression moving over his soul was growing in nature every day. This was now the longest he had gone in the last fifteen years without speaking to Jessica, to Donna, to all of the people that had become his surrogate family. He couldn't do it to them anymore. He could no longer pretend that he was the same man they once knew. Every single part of him was now different. His hair was different, his body once untainted was now littered in scars, his personality had drastically changed. Harvey Specter was someone he himself now no longer recognized and he couldn't expect his friends to feel the same about him. He knew them well though, they would stay around him more so out of obligation than the belief that he was still as innocent as the day he had been locked up. They would tell him it didn't matter to them, that they loved him regardless, he knew the truth that behind the lies was them holding onto a hope that maybe he hadn't changed. He wasn't going to let them suffer from his lies anymore.

Life was different now.

He liked the new prison. Still kept in a medium security zone, he was pleasantly surprised to see that this facility housed low level offenders too, although kept in a different area. Harvey was pleased to see he was still in a cell of his own, he didn't think he could deal with having to share with some new prisoner at a time like this. His old cell had a collection of photos with his friends, letters that had been sent to him and various other wall art. Now the walls of his new cell were bare, he couldn't stomach the thought of having their smiling faces taunt him anymore. He didn't want any reminders of what his life was like before this hell began.

He stood in the yard on a hot summers day. His back leaning against the fence that separated the minimum and medium security prisoners. He could see other prisoners working out on the gym equipment, others enjoying friendly games of basketball. Once upon a time he would be joining in, reveling in the need to do some outdoor exercise. Now he was more than content to stand back and watch, to play no part in the fun and games others were engaging in. He didn't deserve to have fun anymore. He had decided to inflict the punishment of wallowing in his misery for the rest of his sentence, it was the least he deserved. Harvey wondered to himself what had happened to Ryan and George, the only two people he had met in prison that came even remotely close to being classed as friends. Were they separated? Had they survived the God awful riots or had something awful happened to them? He knew he was unlikely to ever get the answers to those questions but each and every day he couldn't help but pray that they had been spared the same awful fate as him.

Times like this made Harvey glad both his brother and father had passed away. The thought of having them see him in here, to know what he had done, made him sick to his stomach. It made him contemplate the afterlife more than he ever had before. If heaven existed is that where they were? Could they see him from wherever they had ended up. He hoped to God they couldn't see him. The shame of knowing there was a chance they were both looking down on him made him sick to his stomach. He hoped that one day, if he was ever lucky enough to be reunited with them that they had no idea what had happened since they left this earth. His father had always been the one to push Harvey towards greatness, instilling in his young son from early on that the stars could be yours so long as you had the dedication and hard work to aspire to get them. He missed his father so much it physically hurt. Marcus had been much more playful than Harvey ever was. His brother had always seen the best in people, the good in the world, whereas Harvey choosing to be more skeptical. Harvey held on to those last moments with his brother, no matter how hard it was to be chained whilst his brother lay bedridden and weak. He was glad he didn't have to face his brother now and admit that Marcus' childhood hero, the man he always looked up to was no better than the criminals Harvey spent years locking up whilst at the DA's office.

There was no one in the world Harvey hated more in that moment than Harvey Specter himself.

He was brought from his musings by a voice somewhere in the distance

"Harvey…"?

He had no idea whether he wanted to turn around or not

* * *

After more than a year in prison Mike was well accustomed to the routine of it all by now. Wake up was always his least favourite time of the day as the prison interior was flooded with lights. Breakfast a meek affair of toast and soggy cereal followed by the lovely communal showers. He loved spending his afternoons reading as many books as possible from the library, in the fifteen months behind bars Mike reckoned he had read nearly three quarters of the books on offer. He was almost done with his community college courses, one step closer to having a plan of what to do when he was finally released.

For so long he hadn't entertained the idea of what he would do when these four walls were no longer his home. The thought of the big wide world scared him, he was no longer a fake lawyer, an investment banker, he was now nothing more than a criminal. He had been faced with the impossible task of thinking how to rebuild, to grow from this. Mike counted himself so lucky that he still had Rachel standing by his side through it all, he had no idea how he would have coped without her. Her constant visits, streams of phone calls and inventive letters always served to brighten his day and remind himself that he wasn't alone in all of this.

What terrified Mike the most was Harvey. The thought that when Mike himself was released, Harvey still had four more years to go. The thought of Harvey having to live with himself knowing he had killed a man. He knew from Rachel that Harvey had cut off all contact with his friends, most of them unsure as to what prison he had even ended up in. Mike knew that the firm had been his family, the very people he relied on most and it sent shivers up Mike's spine to think what Harvey must be putting himself through if he was no longer even allowing them to see him.

Hearing stories of Harvey from the people he had been incarcerated with had made him feel better about Harvey's time thus far behind bars. Stories of him protecting others, of the humour Mike knew he was capable of, his domination on the basketball court and the fact he had managed to stay mostly out of trouble. If you asked Mike what the hardest part of this whole experience was it wasn't the loss of freedom or the separation from Rachel because she remained such a constant in his life it was hard to miss her, nope, for Mike Ross the hardest part of being locked away was the separation from the man who had become his mentor, and in some ways his honorary father. The man who had pushed him to greatness, never letting excuses or weakness stand in the way of achieving his potential. The man who had sat on his couch whilst he cried and then got stoned in the very same sentence after his beloved Grammy died. Harvey was the man Mike trusted the most. The person he went to for advice, whose shoulder he could cry on if he needed to and at the same time be the man who told him when he needed to suck it up and be a bigger person. The loss of Harvey from his life was something that Mike missed every single day. He would give anything to take this all back, to have found another way but deep down he knew if none of this happen then Harvey Specter, Rachel Zane and all the other people he loved so dearly would have never entered his life and that was a hard pill to swallow.

Mike made his way slowly into the yard contemplating life and the twists and turns it had taken to land him here. He chose not to spend a lot of time in the yard knowing that his ball skills left a lot to be desired. It was a beautiful sunny day today and Mike thought himself a fool not to take the opportunity to soak up some rays. He made his way towards the end of the yard wanting something to lean on, heading towards the fence he saw a figure standing on the other side, back to Mike that stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Harvey…?" He called out softly, his breath catching in his throat.

The man made no move to turn around but from the way the man's shoulders instantly tensed, and the slight flinch, Mike knew he had the right person.

"Harvey, please look at me" Mike pleaded softly as he got closer to the fence, standing closer to his former mentor than he had in the past year and a half.

Still, Harvey made no move to acknowledge Mike. His body still tense and rigid as he faced away from Mike.

"Ryan told me what happened, he says he misses having you around" Mike tried, noticing the way some of the tension left Harvey's body at the mention of his former friend.

Mike stood there in silence for a few moments having no idea what to say. When he had his final goodbye to Harvey on the prison bus he had thanked the man profusely, he had poured his heart into acknowledging what the older man had given up for him. Once he had got started those words had come easy because Harvey knew what he had been signing up for when he walked into the D.A's office, but this? What had happened in the riot, that was not what Harvey had signed up for at all and Mike had no idea what to say to make his mentor feel any better.

"It wasn't your fault Harvey. You were the one who always told me sometimes that good guys have to do bad things to make the bad guys pay. I know you. If there was any other way of getting out of that situation, if you could have done anything different then you would have. You saved that guards life" Mike started

Harvey gave what Mike could only describe as a snort of disgust. He took it as a small victory though, being the first sign of life Harvey had given since the one sided conversation began. If it took Harvey lashing out in anger, Mike would do anything he could to at least get some verbal response out of the older man.

"When I was a kid, my dad and I saw a convenient store get robbed. I was only about eight. The man in the shop had sacrificed his life to save the people who were in there just going about their day. One of the ladies in there was pregnant" Mike paused, it was a memory he had long forgotten "When we got home I asked my dad why the man gave his life to protect everyone else. He told me that sometimes in life we all find ourselves pushed against a corner, forced to make a decision of right or wrong and when that time comes we all have to make a decision as to what person do we want to be. Do we want to be someone who runs and hides, or someone who stands up for what is right no matter the cost? My dad tucked me in that night and told me that the decisions we make in those moments shape who we are for the rest of our lives"

Mike gave it a few moments, not wanting to continue until he was sure Harvey had heard everything

"You were backed into a corner, it was either let the guard be killed or to fight back and try and save him. You could never have known that it was going to end that way. You have a choice now on how that shapes the rest of your life, you can both grow from it and let it strengthen you or sit in the misery that you've been forcing yourself into. No one can make that decision for you Harvey"

He could see Harvey's shoulders tense. He was unsure if that was through anger, or through understanding and acceptance. Either way he had done everything he could when a twenty foot fence acted as a constant barrier. He would give almost anything to be able to go over to Harvey and shake some sense into him.

"You get out of here in a month?" Harvey asked softly, his body still facing away from Mike.

Mike, momentarily taken back by not only the tired, defenceless voice that came out of Harvey's mouth, and the very fact he had spoken, took more than a few moments to respond.

"Ah, yeah I'm set for release in three weeks" Mike replied wondering where this was going.

"Forget about me, don't come back visiting, don't write. Move on with your life Mike and be grateful that you can put all this behind you and start your life over" Harvey sounded more tired than Mike had ever heard before.

"I can't do that Harvey and I won't. You might think that you're helping everyone by pushing them away but you're not. Everyone is worried sick about you. I'm not just going to leave this place and abandon you. No matter how much you think you deserve it" Mike couldn't help the trace of anger that was now slipping into his voice.

Harvey whisked himself around, now facing Mike gripping the fence in front of him so tight his knuckles were going white "Don't you dare stand there and tell me what to do, everyone in that firm is holding hopes that when I get out of here I'll be exactly the same person, that I'll pick up right where I left off and go back to the same Harvey they knew me as" Harvey's body was shaking with rage as he struggled to get a hold of his emotions. "That Harvey is dead and the sooner they accept that the better"

Mike took a moment to take Harvey in. His face darker, tenser than Mike had seen before. His body considerably more muscular than the last time Mike had seen him, the countless hours of cell time he had hadn't gone to waste Mike noted. What startled Mike the most was the faint trace of tears in the corners of Harvey's eyes. Mike could tell Harvey was doing everything he could to keep his emotions in check but as he stood there gripping the fence with all his might, emotions finally pouring out of him that control was slowing slipping away.

"No one expects you to be the same person and no one expects you to do this alone either" Mike replied tenderly.

"If you want to help me then tell everyone to leave me the hell alone. Stop calling me every day and stop trying to come and see me" Harvey bowed his head, breathing staggered, body still shaking.

"I won't do that Harvey. If you want them to do that then tell them yourself" Mike said sternly, feeling braver than he had in a long time.

"They are wasting their time with me. Don't you get it? Everything that has happened in here is my god damn fault. You're in here because of me. Rachel has to go home to an empty house because of me. Jessica lost her firm because she put her trust in the wrong person. Louis has to protect Donna because I was too do it myself. I ruined everyone's lives" Harvey held the fence limply, a few stray tears finally making their way down his face.

"Has anyone ever blamed you? Last time I checked we were all in this together and we all played a part. Not everything that goes wrong on this earth is your fault" Mike struggled to understand how the conversation had become so tense, so passionate. He was finally witnessing the great Harvey Specters walls crumble around him and he had no idea what to do to fix it.

"It doesn't matter anymore. You'll get out, start your life again and I'll finish out my time in here. By the time I get back you will have all forgotten me and that's the way it should be" Harvey replied, his eyes still firmly planet on the ground in front of him.

Mike heard the medium security buzzer go off around him signalling it was the end of their considerably shorter yard time. Since the riots the medium security prisoners were on tighter restrictions and Mike watched Harvey shudder before standing and locked his hands behind his head, the protocol for how they were now forced to walk when between buildings and not chained. Mike was sure he saw a wave of humiliation roll over Harvey as he had to stand there in front of Mike, forced to comply as he waited for the bell to sound that they could start moving towards the block again.

"If you think that I could ever, ever, forget you Harvey then you must have hit your head in that riot harder than we first thought. You made me who I am today and if I have to spend the rest of my life convincing you that you are worthy of everyone's love then that's what I will do. But make no mistake, you won't be getting rid of me that easy" Mike said with confidence.

The buzzer rang just as Harvey went to reply, instead he gave Mike a tight smile, tears still falling down his face.

Mike watched in sadness as Harvey began the walk back across the yard towards his cell block, standing in count with the rest of the prisoners as they were led inside. Mike hoped that he had gotten through to Harvey, that something he had said had made the older man see how stupid he was being. Mike prayed he would get to see Harvey once more before he got released but he had a sinking feeling in his stomach that Harvey wouldn't be leaning against the fence next time he came outside for rec time.

Three weeks.

He would spend every waking moment of that figuring out how to fix this god awful mess they had all found themselves in.

* * *

Harvey woke disorientated the next morning. After making it back to his cell he had collapsed onto his bed letting the silent sobs take over his body. He wasn't sure what time he had fallen asleep but he had woken groggy and confused. He was even more surprised when his door was flung open and two guards stood outside.

"Against the wall Specter" They called out.

He pulled himself from the warmth of his cot and stood arms braced, legs apart, leaning on the wall waiting for the guards to come in.

"The hell is this about?" Harvey asked as the cuffs were secured around his wrists and ankles

"How the hell should we know? Some people here to see you. The wardens call that you can't get out of this one" The guard responded.

Harvey was confused as they led him down the long corridor. Not only was it not visiting hours for the medium security prisoners but the mere fact that Warden had overruled his no visitors policy to force him to see whoever was waiting for him. He was led to one of the bigger rooms, more homelike than any of the other visitors. He remembered hearing something that these were the rooms for prisoners with small children to come and see each other in.

Rounding the corner into the room Harvey saw Dr Agard waiting for him. She was impeccably dressed as usual, her smile almost looking happy to see him. The guards led Harvey to the chair opposite her, chaining his cuffs to a bolt under the table in front of him greatly limiting the amount of movement had in his arms. He couldn't help but feel a rush of humiliation pass over him.

"Harvey" She greeted him.

His eyes were glued to the table in front of him and his expression was that of a sulking teenager but he didn't care

"What the hell are you doing here?" He bit out letting his frustration at the situation be known

"Donna contacted me asking for my help. They told me what had happened and how you refused to see anyone anymore. Turns out I know the Warden here's wife so I pulled some strings and am now performing your mandatory psyche evaluation that all prisoners must do" Her voice was light, eyes trained on the man in front of her.

"Well you're wasting your time. You might be able to force me to sit here but you can't force me to talk to you" Harvey replied still refusing to meet her eyes.

"No that's true. I can't force you to talk but I can force you to listen can't I, because like you said, it's not like you can go anywhere" She knew she was pushing his buttons, but she knew the man well enough from the previous sessions that sometimes the most effective way to get him to talk was to piss him off.

"You're smarter than that though so I'm going to give you a choice. Either you participate to the best of your ability for the next hour and I will leave you alone for good, you don't and I will come here every week and force you to listen to me until you decide you want to cooperate. The choice is yours" She said sternly

"That doesn't sound like much of a choice to me" Harvey bit back

She wouldn't be very good at her job if she didn't notice the subtle changes in the Harvey she had known. Sure there were the obvious physical changes he had undertaken but she was smart enough to know the change ran deeper than just that. She saw the way his eyes shifted from one side to the other, refusing to lock eyes with her: Shame. She noticed his leg bounce up and down never staying still for more than a second: Nerves. She noticed sadly the way his shoulders were tense, ready to spring into action if it wasn't for the chains holding him down: Fear. This was certainly not the same man she had come to know. It saddened her to know the once fierce, unwaveringly strong and charismatic man had now been turned to this shadow of his former self.

"So here's what I think. I think that you are feeling shame and guilt over what happened in those riots. I think you know deep down you did the right thing but are still seeing yourself as a monster because at the end of the day someone else died because of your hands and that was something you never saw yourself capable of. You're angry that you are locked away in here, even though you don't regret it you're still wishing like anything that things could have been different. You don't want to see your friends because your ashamed, but more than that" She paused looking deeply at the man in front of her "Harvey look at me"

She waited for him to comply, it probably took two minutes before his eyes met hers. She was taken back by the pain she saw in the brown eyes staring at her.

"You don't want them to see you because you're afraid that they'll think you're the monster you've convinced yourself you are. You don't want them to confirm everything you've been thinking about yourself and that fear is what's causing you to drive them away"

She watched as Harvey's face scrunched up, his eyes forcing themselves to close as he tilted his head to look towards the ceiling. His whole body now rigid and tense.

"And Harvey, that's all okay" She ended softly

His eyes snapped forward to meet hers, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"It's ok for you think that they might see you differently because of that. It's ok to be scared and to doubt yourself. What's not ok is for you to shut them out, because Harvey they don't see you any differently from the man you were before"

"How can they not? I'm not the same person they knew. I'm doing them a favour by letting them go" He defended

"Are you?" She questioned "Because to me it sounds like you're making that decision for them and forcing them to lose you when all they want to do is love and support you. It sounds to me like you're taking the easy way out instead of confronting what's going on like a man and dealing with it" Nice girl routine was over, she knew to get through to Harvey she would have to push his boundaries and challenge his every thought process. If she simply held his hand and let him wallow in his self-loathing then she would be achieving nothing.

"Why do you think Donna rang me? Why do you think that the mailroom is full of unanswered letters all addressed to you?" She asked "Do you think that's because they simply pity you or because they feel sorry for you?"

"They will all be better off this way" He defended, his voice now far away and timid again as he retreated back within himself.

"Oh Harvey, you cutting them out has been harder for any of them to handle than you going away at all. You need to think about if the roles were reversed, if this was Donna or Louis who had done this or even Mike, if they had killed a man to defend another, would you stand by them regardless?" She stood up, motioning for the guard to come back in. He started unchaining Harvey from the table forcing him to stand.

"Think about that Harvey, I'll ask you again next week"

Harvey bit back a groan, not bothering to turn around as the guard led him out and back to his cell. As he was finally unchained he sat on his cot with his head in his hands and wondered what the hell he was going to do now.

* * *

Mike was pleasantly surprised when he went out to the yard the next week to find Harvey leaning against the fence again. This was the eight day he had come out hoping to see him and the first time he had actually been standing there.

Mike tried to hide his excitement as he walked over to Harvey who was casually leaning against the opposite side of the fence.

"You came back" Mike greeted wondering what kind of mood the older man would be in this time.

"Had to make sure you were still looking after yourself" Harvey replied smoothly not bothering to turn around.

"I've survived a year and a half, I think I can make another two weeks" Mike smiled to himself, internally wanting to jump up and down that Harvey was finally interacting with him.

"You never know what can happen in here" Harvey said back, his voice giving away that he was speaking from experience. Not for the first time Mike wondered what else had gone on during Harvey's time in prison.

The stood in comfortable silence for minutes, each man just soaking in the presence of the other.

"Harvey, what changed your mind" Mike knew he didn't need to elaborate more. He didn't need to explain that he was asking why Harvey had decided to show up at the fence where he knew Mike would be, or why he had finally decided to interact with his young protégé.

Harvey turned around to face make, his hands casually holding onto the wires of the fence "You'll be out of here in two weeks, back in the real world building your life again. I just wanted to make sure that you think you're going to be ready for that. It would be a bad look for me if you ended up back in here after five friggen minutes because it was all too hard for you"

Mike smiled softly at him, this was the Harvey he knows and loves, the one who hides his caring behind self-centred comments.

"I'm scared shitless. I know Rachel's going to be there every step of the way and I've got my community college course and a potential job lined up. It's just going to be different you know" Mike shrugged. He hadn't spoken of his fears of being released to anyone.

"You get a job, you stick with it. You don't go anywhere near drugs or alcohol. If I find out you've stepped even one foot out of line I'll break out of this place and come down and kick your ass" Harvey gave what could only be described as a ghost of a smile. Mike took it regardless.

"I think I'll have the whole firm making sure I am on constant watch" Mike laughed

"Maybe it won't be so different from in here after all" Harvey joked.

"I'm so sorry that you've still got years of this Harvey, I wish I had never signed that deal before finding out the clauses in it, you taught me better" Mike apologized

Harvey waved his hand up showing his disapproval for what Mike was saying.

"You listen here kid, I made sure the D.A wouldn't tell you what the clause was when she came to make you sign it. I don't care what has happened to me in this place or how many years I've still got to go. You go out there and you get a job and you make something legitimate of yourself that's all that matters to me. I don't care if I'm in here for the next twenty years, you deserve to have a normal life, god only knows how much shit you've had to deal with so far. So don't you worry for one second about me, when you get out just forget about this place and go and live your life" Harvey explained.

"Can I visit you?" Mike asked, the pleading in his voice was hard to miss.

Harvey contemplated it for a few minutes thinking over his options. "I'll make you a deal. Give it six months, six months to sort your life out and get settled down without having to think of this place and then you can come and see me. Even one day early and I'll have you removed from the visitors list"

"Six months" Mike paused "Deal, but I can write you letters and you have to reply to at least one that six month period or you have to see me earlier"

"Deal" Harvey smiled.

Two weeks.

Then his whole life to sort out.

At least he knew he had his mentor back on side.

 **So there we go another chapter down. I can promise you that we aren't done dealing with Harvey's issues just yet, Dr Agard will be back next chapter and things will get rough for Harvey I just wanted to have a nice Harvey/Mike moment since the last time they saw each other was like chapter two or three. We will also have Mike's release next chapter which will have the whole gang involved. Will definitely have the next chapter up sooner than this one took. Leave a review, you know I love hearing your ideas and try and include some of them!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Well that took one hundred years to long for me to update. So so sorry. And even worse news the next chapter wont be up for a couple of weeks because I'm off to backpack through Europe for the next three weeks, thought I'd give you all an early warning.**

 **Hope you enjoy this chapter, tried to get a little bit of everyone in the mix and I'm not sure how I feel about the outcome so let me know.**

 **P.S if you haven't listened to Kygo's album, you should, it's legit.**

 _Come take my heart of glass  
and give me your love  
I hope you'll still be there  
to pick the pieces up  
Cuz baby I'm fragile, fragile _

\- _Kygo - Fragile_

This was the day he thought would never come. Days spent staring at the bunk above him dreaming of the day he would finally be free from this place were finally coming true. Waking that morning was a surreal feeling. He tried to savour the feeling. He tried to commit the memory of what it felt like to wake up on his bunk bed, the hardness of the mattress, the coldness of the thin blanket and small space he was confined to. What would it even feel like to sleep in his own bed again? To hold Rachel in his arms for the first time in nearly two years. It was almost inconceivable to him that in a few short hours everything he had dreamt of would finally be a reality.

Joining the queue for breakfast he was grateful that this was one of the last meals he would be forced to eat behind bars. There were only so many servings of leftover meatloaf and uncooked vegetables that one could cope with before it all started to taste like cardboard. A home cooked meal, a nice glass of wine and the company of the woman that he loved was all he wanted right now. Taking a seat he looked around at all the people he was leaving behind. Sure, he had become friendly with some of the people he had shared the prison with. There were a few people he would confide in when he was having a bad day, there were those he had taught, helped learn to read or get their GED, there were those had played sports with and spent countless hours talking smack with. None of those were people he would really miss. They weren't people he had anything in common with and although he had spent the past two years around these people constantly he certainly wouldn't be keeping in touch with any of them. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he would be leaving all of these people behind the second he walked out of those gates and back to his life.

There was one person he was sad to leave behind.

Harvey.

The thought that Harvey was going to stay behind bars whilst he got to walk free was something that made his stomach turn. It put a damper on the happy thoughts that he was getting to leave this place for good. He was equally, if not more, to blame for what had happened, for him deciding to be a fake lawyer. It didn't seem fair to Mike that he got to walk free while Harvey had over four years left on his sentence. No matter what feelings Mike had about his release, the moment he thought of Harvey all happiness left his system. He knew logically that Harvey wouldn't want him to be thinking like this. Harvey would want him to walk out these doors and never look back. He would want him to go out there and forget about him, to live his life without regret or second guessing himself. That's the kind of person Harvey was, as much as he liked to pretend he didn't care about those arounds him, the truth was it simply wasn't true. Harvey cared. Harvey cared more than anyone Mike had ever met. He cared the moment he had hired Mike and he cared more than anyone the moment he sacrificed his own freedom to make Mike's life easier.

Walking into the yard that morning he looked out for his former mentor across the fence in the medium security area. He knew that this was the time slot in which those in the higher security unit got recreational time. Most days he could spot Harvey sitting on the bleachers or leaning against the fence waiting for Mike to come out. Ever since their first meeting Harvey had decided to spend more time speaking to Mike. Today though, Mike noted that Harvey wasn't standing on his usual spot by the fence. It took Mike a while to find him but eventually he finally found Harvey involved in a heated game of basketball. It was the first time he had ever seen Harvey actually participating with those around him.

Watching the way Harvey moved around the court Mike couldn't help but be envious of his natural athleticism. Harvey dominated the court around him. Finally after what felt like forever there was a pause in the game. Harvey, covered in sweat, was bouncing the ball idly in front of him whilst everyone else ran off to grab a drink. Harvey looked up and caught Mike's eye. Mike raised his hand in an awkward wave. Harvey smirked at that, before making eye contact with Mike for a few seconds, he threw off a cheeky wink before turning his attention back to the game.

For Mike that moment was everything.

That moment, that wink, reassured him that Harvey wasn't angry. He wasn't holding a grudge that Mike got to be released whilst he had to stay locked up. He was simply telling Mike, with one simple wink, that everything was going to be ok. It might not be ok today or tomorrow, but it would be ok in the end.

With that reassurance, Mike headed back inside to pack up the last of his things before his release. This time, Mike couldn't keep the spring out of his step.

* * *

Rachel was a nervous wreck.

She was almost sure that she hadn't slept a wink last night. Every time she started to drift off she would find herself reaching out for Mike's side of the bed. Many times in the last two years she had woken up a cold sweat reaching out for his side of the bed hoping to find him asleep there but woken to the cold reality that he was gone. Last night was different though. Instead of the endless dread she would find herself smiling knowing that the next night she would finally be able to hold onto him, to feel his skin against hers and know that this time no one could tear them apart. The countless nightmares, spending nights alone and only ever cooking for one person was finally going to be over.

The nerves had started to take over now though. She wanted to look just perfect but she could not decide what to wear. She had taken almost her entire wardrobe to work that morning knowing that Donna would be able to help her pick the perfect outfit.

"What about this one?" It was her seventh outfit of the day. This time it was an old classic, the knee length pencil skirt with white blazer, something she knew Mike had always loved.

"Rachel, you know that Mike would love whatever you decide. The main thing is he gets to see you" Donna smiled back at her, trying to stay interested but making a mental list of all the things she still needed to get done before she could go home.

"I know that but I want this moment to be perfect, I've been dreaming of it for so long" Rachel replied.

Turning and leaving she headed back to her office to finish getting ready to go and pick Mike up. Sitting on the desk in her office was a photo of the two of them taken by Donna. In it, Mike was behind Rachel with his arms wrapped around her, placing a delicate kiss on her cheek. It filled her heart with so much warmth knowing that this was all going to be possible again.

She hoped Mike was the same man who had left her two years earlier. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that there was bound to be some changes to him. She hoped and prayed more than anything that he was still the same goofy, kind hearted man that she had loved for so long. Rachel prayed that he still loved her as much as she loved him because she wasn't sure if she could take the heartbreak of losing him again. Her heart just wouldn't be able to cope.

Picking up her bag she headed out the door. This was the moment she had been waiting so long for and she wasn't sure she could wait another moment to see the man she loved.

* * *

Donna ran back to her own desk the moment that Rachel had left.

As much as she tried to help Rachel get ready to go and see Mike she just couldn't bring herself to be fully there. She smiled and nodded, gave advice where it was asked for and tried to have an opinion but Donna knew that deep down she was being a fraud. The dark pit of jealously and resentment was slowly starting to build within her stomach. Rachel got to have the one thing that Donna could only dream of. Rachel got to have the man she loved back.

Rachel got to hold Mike, to be with Mike. They would kiss and tell each other that they loved them. Rachel got to have the future she had always dream of. Donna couldn't help but feel a sense of bitterness just thinking about it.

Ever since the riot Harvey had been blocking her out. He wasn't answering her calls or replying to her letters. She had not heard a single word from him since she had seen him at the hospital. This silence was worse than when he had first been locked up because she had gotten used to hearing from him again. She had grown used to the man he had become behind bars and was able to accept that. Now, with him refusing to speak to any of them, she had to go back to trying to figure out how to move on with her life. As much as she loved him, as much as she dreams of the day they can be together she just didn't know how much longer she could keep going on like this for.

Donna knew Dr. Agard had been to see Harvey and although she was unable to give Donna specifics of their conversation, Donna was able to pick up that it hadn't gone completely awfully. Ever since their impromptu meeting when Donna had crashed into her office looking for Harvey, the two woman had become friends in a strange sort of way. Just knowing that Harvey was finally talking to someone made Donna feel a little bit better but nothing would ever feel ok again until she got to speak to Harvey herself.

Feeling a tear falling down her face she tried to suck it all in. She tried to be strong. Today was about Rachel and Mike, not about her.

She would be the first to give Mike a hug and congratulate the two of them on being together again. She would drink wine and socialise and play that part that people expected of her. Behind that mask of happiness was a broken woman hoping to finally find some peace. She was a woman struggling to hold it all together and frankly Donna was unsure how much longer she could keep going on like this.

Glancing at herself in the pocket mirror she kept at her desk she quickly went about fixing the mascara that had dripped down her face. Reapplying, she forced a smile onto her face and told herself that it was just one more day she had to get through, one more day and then she was one day closer to this whole mess being over once and for all.

She hoped it ended soon, she didn't know how much longer she could keep carrying on like this for.

* * *

Louis Litt had spent a lot of his life feeling like an outsider and today was no different.

He was stupid. He knew that he wasn't the most popular person in the workplace. He wasn't the person people came running to if they had a problem or confided their deepest secrets in. Louis wasn't trusted, he wasn't believed in and he would go as far as to say most of the time he wasn't even liked.

He had tried though.

He had tried in Harvey's absence to step up and be the man they all needed to be. He had stood by the firm in its darkest hour and made sure they were able to rise above it all and create something knew. He had asked Rachel about her weekend and what food she had been trying recently. He held Donna as she cried in the wake of Harvey's departure and taken her to theatre when she was finally feeling up to going out and socialising. Louis Litt had stepped up the plate and could finally say he was becoming someone even he could be proud of. No more lies and deceit. No more going behind peoples backs purely for his own game. He hoped those around him could see the difference in him, to see that he was truly trying to become a better person.

Watching everyone get ready for Mike's return reminded him of how much of an outsider he was.

Rachel was busy getting ready to go and pick Mike up from the prison. Donna was busy planning the food for the small party that night to welcome Mike home. Jessica was running around making sure that everyone's schedules were clear and that the firm would be empty come five o'clock when Mike was due to arrive at the new office.

Louis however was standing twiddling his thumbs wondering how he could be useful. Everyone else had some task to complete but him. These were the times that he truly missed having Harvey around.

If Harvey were here he would make some joke about Louis' fake wife before yelling at him about what he should be doing instead of standing around looking stupid. He would, in his own arrogant self-absorbed way, make sure that Louis was in some included. Sure they had their fair share of arguments throughout the years. He had lost count of the amount of times Harvey told him he would never forgive him for something or that he would never speak to Louis again. Every time he would forgive Louis however. He would come to Louis with some strangely worded apology and make peace with him. That was something that Louis had always admired about Harvey. He was always one to come with his sword down and try and make peace with the other lawyer. As many times as Louis had tried to use it against him, to make him suffer and pay, Harvey would always take the high road and not let it stop him from doing what is right.

Louis' relationship with Mike had been even rockier than his relationship with Harvey. Louis remembered how betrayed he had been when he had found out the truth about Mike. He could not believe that everyone had kept this from him. He couldn't understand how Harvey had gotten away with this when it seemed everyone else around them had known the truth. Louis' real anger came from the intense hurt he felt from within. The hurt that no one had deemed him worthy of knowing the truth, that he somehow couldn't be trusted with that information. In retrospect Louis knew that he wasn't worthy of knowing the truth and he couldn't have been trusted not to keep it to himself. More than that, Louis knew that deep down he was jealous of the fact Mike had come in as a fake lawyer and made of himself than Louis had in all the years he had been with the firm. He was more liked, more trusted and a far better lawyer than Louis would have ever been. They had connected though. Louis and Mike had become a strange kind of friends even after the truth and Louis held that friendship close to his heart.

As Louis stood in the middle of the office pondering his relationships with both Harvey and Mike he finally decided what he could do to be helpful. Because if Louis himself was feeling this way about Mike's release there was a certain someone who he couldn't even begin to imagine what they were feeling. With that, Louis finally found the motivation to get off his seat and finally do something worthwhile.

* * *

"To what do I owe the pleasure this week?" Harvey asked as the cuffs around his wrists were released so he could enter the room.

"I told you I would be back, since when have you known me to lie" Paula quipped back.

Harvey sat down at the table looking across at the woman he had only known for a few months prior to his incarceration. She was someone who he never thought he would ever see again following his jail sentence. He still to this day couldn't understand why she would bother coming to visit him.

"So Mike is getting out today?" She asked, her tone light but Harvey could tell she wanted him to answer and answer properly.

"It would appear that way wouldn't it" He replied shortly, his eyes not leaving the table in front of him.

"And how do you feel about that?" Paula asked, knowing this conversation was not going to be easy.

"I'm happy for him" Harvey answered, lifting his eyes from the table in front of him, his voice portraying the honesty and truth behind his statement.

"I know you are happy for him Harvey, but how do you feel about the fact that he gets to go free and you are stuck in here for another four years?" The light heartedness had left her voice as the conversation turned more serious.

"I knew this was going to happy when I took the deal, it always been the way this is going to go" Harvey spoke with tension in his voice, his body going stiff and jaw set firm. Paula noticed the way his body stiffened as she asked the question.

"Yes, but until today you could pretend that it wasn't true. Now you have to sit here tonight, locked in your cell knowing that Mike is getting to go back to everything you left behind, all the people you loved, and you're still as alone as ever" Paula knew she was starting to push the boundaries of what was acceptable. She was starting to hit the nerves Harvey did so well to keep hidden. This was the only way to get through to the stubborn man, but sometimes even she wished she wasn't the one to always have to tear his walls down.

"If this is meant to be some kinda pep talk in which I leave here feeling better, you're doing a pretty shit job" Harvey replied with a stone cold voice.

"I'm not here to make you feel better, I'm here to make you realise that you're not as ok as you like to pretend you are" Paula told him.

For a long time no one spoke. Paula stared at Harvey hoping that he would start talking soon but nothing came. She watched as he rolled his shoulders and clenched his jaw. His eyes were glued to the floor and his breathing measured and even. Paula felt bad that she had clearly brought up the reality he was trying so hard to deny. He had been fooling himself into being ok with the fact that Mike was getting out of here whilst he was being left behind, but they both knew the truth. Harvey wasn't ok with the fact that he was being left behind. He wasn't ok with the fact that tonight they would all be out celebrating whilst he was locked in his cell, alone, left with nothing but his memories to talk to. Harvey was far from ok with the man he had become, with the person he had let himself be. Paula could see how much the older lawyer was struggling. He was struggling with the fact life was never going to be the same again. He was lonely and depressed, he was trying so hard to hide the fact that he had no idea what life was going to be like with him when he got out. Being faced with Mike being released had made Harvey look in the mirror and think about what he would do when his day finally came. Paula knew that the man was lost, he was trying so hard to keep his head afloat but all he wanted was someone to come and rescue him for a change.

Paula had seen many people in her career. She had met people from all kind of backgrounds, ethnicities, demographics and walks of life but she had never met someone like Harvey. She had never met someone who tried so hard to stay in control and to convince everyone around them that they simply didn't care. The truth was she had never met someone who cared as much as the great Harvey Specter. He had gone to battle knowing all along that he was going to fall on his sword. He had done the unthinkable to protect those he loved.

Paula looked at Harvey sitting in front of her and vowed from that moment on she would do everything she could to make sure Harvey survived, that he left prison knowing that he was in no way alone and that there was army of people ready to fight for Harvey, because to them, he was more than worth it.

* * *

"Main gates open, stand clear" Mike listened as the guard shouted over the loud speaker.

He held his breath as the gates came to an open. One more gate stood between him and the woman he had loved for so long. His palms were starting to get sweaty at the thought of getting to see Rachel again. He tried to get his feet to move but he found he was glued to the spot. Something about finally getting to hold her again was so utterly terrifying.

"Ross, get a move on" A guard yelled as the second gate finally opened, he could see Rachel standing by the car in the distance.

He moved his feet, his pace picking up the closer he got to the woman he loved. He could see the smile that lit up her whole face as they locked eyes. He took a second just to take in her beauty. Her golden skin and perfectly flowing hair. The skirt that made her legs look like they went on for days matched the blazer that left nothing to the imagination. He counted himself the luckiest man on earth that even after everything she had waited around for him. For two years she could have gone off and started a new life for herself but she hadn't, she had chosen him, and Mike could not figure out how that even worked.

"Oh Mike" She whispered as they got closer.

He ran the last few steps to her, almost jumping into her waiting arms. Their hug was almost bone crushing. He got feel the wetness of her tears soaking into his shirt but he knew they weren't tears of sadness. His own eyes were starting to moisten as he held the woman he loved in his arms properly for the first time in two years. The fragrance of her perfume filled his nostrils as he breathed her in, savouring every single second they had together.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this moment" He whispered into her ear as he pulled her a little bit closer.

"I love you so much" She replied, her voice hitching slightly as the tears continued to flow.

They held each other for a long time before finally deciding that they needed to get out of the stingy prison carpark. Mike paused at the car door taking one more look at the prison behind him. The large cell blocks, high fences and guard towers were something he certainly wasn't going to miss. The wake up calls and terrible food were now a thing of the past and no longer would he feel like someone was watching his every move.

With one last look at the building that still held his very best friend he got into the car and grabbed onto Rachels hand. Taking a deep breath in, he readied himself for a new life that was about to begin, a life he was terrified and excited for all at the same time.

"Take me home" Mike told Rachel after finally deciding he'd had enough of staring the prison gates. He was ready to tackle the world, even though he had no idea what it was going to mean for him anymore.

They had partied the night away with the people from the law firm. Mike hadn't realised how much he had missed them all until he was standing in front of them. Jessica's dominating persona, Louis' awkward dorkiness as he tried to be one of the boys, Donna's all knowing stare and Rachels bubbly personality. He had drunk wine and ate expensive food and savoured every second he had with his adopted family.

He couldn't help but notice the gaping whole that was left by Harvey's absence. He had caught Donna's eyes at one point during the evening and for the first time Mike had noticed the sadness and pain behind them. It made his heart break at the realisation that it was his fault Donna didn't have Harvey standing by her side. It was the first real encounter he'd had with the magnitude of what Harvey had given up to give him his freedom.

They were finally home after a long evening, Rachel already striping off her clothes in preparation of what was to come. Being in his own home was a surreal feeling to say the least.

"Oh Mike, this is for you" Rachel reached into the nightstand and grabbed out something and handed it to Mike.

His breath caught in his throat as he read the handwriting on the envelope. He would recognise that handwriting anywhere.

"I'll be back in a minute" He leant down and kissed Rachel on the lips before heading out into the lounge. He poured himself a glass of scotch and started reading.

 _Puppy._

 _I hope you know why I did what I did._

 _I was never going to let you take the fall for something that has always been more my fault that it ever was yours. You were a kid that needed an out and I knew what I was getting us both into. I knew the punishment if we were to ever get caught and what was at stake and never fully made you aware of that._

 _I took me a long time to realise why I hired you in the first place. I mean come on, what kind of lawyer hires a fake lawyer and thinks that they will never get caught? The truth is, you reminded of what I used to be like, and if you were anything like I was then I knew you needed a chance. I never really took the time to tell you much about what I was like growing up. I was an angry kid Mike, you may think you've seen my temper a fair few times but it's nothing now compared to what it was back then. I was so angry at the world at the time for the fact my dad was never around much and my mother was off sleeping with half the neighbourhood. I was angry that most of my teenage years were spent being a parent to Marcus and making sure that he got everything I never did. I was going nowhere fast until Jessica found me in that mailroom and gave me a chance no one had ever given me before. My teachers had written me off, my own parents didn't think I was even going to amount to anything. I worked day and night to prove everyone who had ever doubted me that I could make something of myself. That anger never really left me though. My whole career has been built on sticking it to all of those people and somewhere along the way I lost sight of why I became a lawyer in the first place. I wanted to be a lawyer because I wanted to make sure people out there had someone to stick up for them, to stand up for what was right. I wanted to make sure people didn't get screwed over the same way I had been._

 _When I met you I saw that same anger in your eyes. You were a kid who had everything taken from him so young and had never really gotten over it. You had made a path for yourself that you couldn't follow through with and found yourself left with nothing. I hired you because if I could make it, then you sure as all could be something even greater than I was. You had the smarts, the personality and unlike me you still believed in the good in the world. That's why I hired you. I never expected that hiring you would have the impact on all of our lives that it did. You brought a new kind of energy to the firm and to every single person you came across. You still fought for the little guy, believing that good always outweighed money or power. You found a way to be a kickass lawyer without losing the biggest part of you - your heart. And slowly, I saw that anger fade from your eyes as you learned that there was more to life than holding onto the past._

 _I know that the life you built at the firm was something neither of us ever dreamt possible. You found a woman who loved you unconditionally. You found friends who were willing to stick by your side through thick and thin but more than anything you found a family. That's what you became to all of us. To Jessica, to Donna, to Rachel and most of all to me. You are the annoying kid brother who constantly talks back and argues, the kid who tries so hard to copy everything their older cooler sibling is doing because you want to be like them. I know I haven't always been the most approachable person or told you that you were doing a good job but the truth is Mike, I'm so proud of you I can barely even figure out how to put it into words._

 _I've been proud of you since the moment you walked in those doors and convinced me not to fire you. I was proud when you went and worked for Jonathon and even more proud when you stood up to me and chose not to back down. I've been proud of you ever single day and that's why I have to take the fall for this. You're a good person Mike, a far greater man than I'll ever be and the world needs more people like you._

 _So don't waste this opportunity. When you get out, go out there and make something new of yourself. Go marry the girl you love and start a family of your own. Live every single day knowing that you got a second chance most people would only dream of and whatever you do, don't stop to think of me. This is your life now kid and as much as its been a honour for me to be a part of it you need to go and live your own life. Don't let the fact I'm still locked up stand in the way of you chasing whatever crazy dream you come up with next. I'll always be standing in the background cheering you on but you need to let go of me and of the life you had before and start something new._

 _Look after Rachel. Tell her every single day that you love her because that girl is head of heels for you. You found a good one in her so make sure you never ever take that for granted again._

 _If there's one person on this earth that I'd happily take a bullet for in life, it's you Mike. Not because of your book smarts or what you bring to the table but because you deserve someone else to look after you for once. You've spent your whole life looking after yourself its time someone stepped up to the plate and had your back for a change. I will never regret doing this for you Mike and you need to know that I made this decision fully aware of what the consequences were. Don't feel guilty, don't feel angry, don't beat yourself up over it. This was my decision and my decision only and its a decision I will never regret. I wanted to do this for you Mike and I would make this same decision one hundred times before I ever changed my mind even if it meant I never got to see any of you guys again._

 _Don't think that you don't owe me one, because you totally do._

 _I love you kiddo, and don't ever make me try to say that to your face._

 _Drink some scotch and eat a hotdog in my honour when you get out would ya? I'm gonna miss those things._

 _Harvey._

 _P.S Just because I'm behind bars does not give you an excuse to hang out with Trevor again. I'll kick your ass if you do, and don't think I can't have that arranged._

Mike sat there with tears in his eyes thinking of how unfair life was. How could he go on with his life knowing that Harvey was still paying for what he did? As he sat there and let Harvey's words soak in he vowed to himself that he wouldn't let Harvey down. He would spend every single day of his life making sure that Harvey's sacrifice was not in vein.

It was the least he could do for the man who had given up everything so Mike could have the life he had always dreamed of.

 **So there we go. I'm really not sure how I feel about this chapter so please leave me some feedback and tell me what you thought.**

 **Next chapter (Which wont be up for a few weeks)**

 **\- Mike adjusting to home life**

 **\- Harvey runs into some trouble and see's an old face**

 **\- The firm comes under fire from an old foe.**


	14. Chapter 14

**I don't even know if anyone will still be reading this story but if you are, my thanks to you and here is another chapter just a short six months late.**

If it's a broken part, replace it

But, if it's a broken arm then brace it,

If it's a broken heart then face it

\- James Morrison: Details in the Fabric.

Adjusting to the outside had proved to be harder than Mike had first thought. Waking up next to Rachel had been perfection. The feel of her naked body against his skin filled him with a warmth he hadn't realised he had been missing. His internal body clock from the last year and a half meant he automatically woke at six thirty, lights on at the prison, even though he would have preferred a sleep in. No longer did he sleep through his alarm clock, it seemed as though he didn't even need one anymore. The decision of what to have for breakfast was overwhelming, the choices were something he was not used to being faced with anymore. Turns out getting out of prison wasn't going to be as easy as he first thought.

He knew there was pressure on him. Pressure to get a job, to once again make something of himself. Mike needed to be the one to support Rachel, not the other way around. She had been through enough without having to be the main bread winner as well. Who was going to hire a convicted criminal though? He knew the questions they asked on those stupid applications, how was he going to get around it?

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked from underneath him, startling Mike.

"Im just thinking" Mike replied, his thoughts still a million miles away

"About what?" She asked, her voice still laced with sleep.

"About Harvey, about getting a job, about what we are going to do next" Mike paused "I guess I didn't think about any of this while I was locked away and now I'm out it all seems so overwhelming"

"No one is saying you need to have it all figured out straight away" Rachel sat up, pulling Mike into her arms as she moved. She needed to feel him close, she needed it to remind her that this was all real.

"It's not even that. I just can't help but think what if this had all gone differently. What if we had gone to trial and tried to win there. What if Harvey hadn't taken that stupid fucking deal. Would I still be in prison now? Would he be out? How am I supposed to move on with my life knowing the only reason I am even out and free is still sitting behind bars with four more fucking years to serve before they get the same freedom I do" Mike started to feel his eyes burn. It was one of the first moments he had allowed himself to think of the gravity of it all. "I just don't know what to do about anything anymore"

"Well heres my thoughts, get up, have a shower. We have the big dinner at PSL tonight, everyone is so excited to see you. Phone the prison, write Harvey a letter find some way to get all of these feelings out to Harvey. But don't sit here and spend all day thinking about what could have been because none of us know what would have happened if Harvey hadn't taken the deal and no one wants to think about it. Harvey wouldn't want you siting here brooding when you could be out there living your life" Rachel tried to explain.

Mike didn't say anything for a moments. The only sound was their breathing, rhythmic and strong. Both filled with thousands of questions about the future, the past, but both being too scared to voice them out loud. For now, they were both content with just letting the silence fill the room and ignoring the space that was already starting to grow between them.

"Yeah I guess you're right. Im going to have a shower ok?" He asked as he stood, bending down to give her a quick kiss as he walked to the bathroom.

He got in the shower, turning the heat as high as his skin would bear. Redness already filling his skin as the hot water pounded against his body. Mike put his head in his hands wishing that Rachel would understand what he was going through. He knew there was no way to explain it to her in a way she would understand. He knew she was so happy he was home, that they could finally start to live their lives. Mike was unsure if she realised how different things could have been or whether she just chose to ignore it. Mike guessed it was probably the latter of the two. She had been dealing with the reality of him being gone for months and months. No wonder she didn't want to talk about what life could have been like if he had been sent away for longer. She probably didn't want to talk about Harvey because acknowledging he was still behind bars was acknowledging that Mike's freedom had come at a high cost, a cost that not many other people would have been willing to pay.

Mike got out of the shower and threw on the first clothes he could find. He had all day to kill before he was due to be at PSL that night. He sat on the couch pulling out his laptop. He was going to find a way to get Harvey out sooner. He was going to be the kind of friend Harvey had been to him for so many years, even if Mike had never given Harvey the recognition he deserved for all he did. Harvey had thrown himself in the line of fire for Mike again and again. It was time that Mike did something to pay him back for all the times he selflessly put those around him first.

Harvey completed his morning exercises as per routine. He found it comforted him now, the routine of life. Before he would come and go as he pleased, making the rules as he went and playing to his own beat. Now he had someone dictate when he got out of bed, when he could eat and when he could go outside. As overwhelming as that had been to start with after two years of the same thing he was finally finding himself almost welcoming the dictatorship. No longer did he have to make his own decisions there was always a guard with a weapon making it for him. It was something he surprised himself by liking.

"Law, the warden wants to see you" the guard approaching his cell called out.

Harvey had learned long ago not to ask questions, to do as he was told and realise that he had no say in the matter. So, without word, he turned around and placed his hands on the back wall waiting to be chained up.

As the metal was clasped around his wrists and ankles, Harvey was doing a mental checklist of everything that warden could possible want to see him about. There had been no recent organised fights or any unwelcome confrontations with other inmates. He had been showing up to his sessions with Dr Agard, albeit not out of choice and had been going to his job in the yard when he was meant to.

By the time they reached the door Harvey was still no closer to finding out the reason why he was being summoned. He knew one thing though, it surely couldn't be a good thing.

The guard left the chains on as he placed Harvey in a chair in front of the Warden before waving his goodbyes.

"Mr Specter, we haven't properly met since you were moved to this facility. How are you settling in?" The Warden asked.

"It's fine Sir" Harvey replied making sure to stay as polite as possible while he figured out what the hell was going on. All being rude was going to do was put him in the hole for a month and he would really like to avoid that place a bit longer if he could.

"Good, good, and all of your wounds are healing?" The Warden followed on.

Harvey had no idea what was up with the Wardens twenty questions, or why the hell he even cared. "Yes sir, they're giving me no trouble at all"

"Interesting wasn't it that riot" the Warden said, speaking more to himself than to Harvey "You trap that many men in the same room and it's bound to happen eventually. All those people dying because they refused to fix a temperature problem. Although I suppose if it hadn't been the heat then they would have found something else to riot about"

Harvey could not figure out what the hell was going on. So far the Warden had spoken more to himself than to Harvey. What did all of this have to do with him? There were tons of other guys here that had been transferred and none of them were being hauled into the wardens office.

"I wanted to be a train conductor when I was a small boy. I used to go down to the railway and watch the trains come in all day. I was so fascinated by them I could spend hours upon hours learning everything possible about every kind of train under the sun" The Warden paused "What did you want to be when you were a child Mr Specter?"

"I wanted to be a musician like my father" Harvey replied evenly, his confusion growing by the second.

"Ah the old follow in the parents footsteps. It's a funny old thing parenthood. You do everything you can to make sure your children don't turn into you but it seems all they want to be is you. You do everything you can to protect them but once they go out into the world there's no telling what will happen. Do you have any children Mr Specter?"

"No sir"

"I have one son. Evan. He always was a curious boy, always asking questions about what my job was like and what I had to do for it. I tried as much as possible to shield him from it but as he grew older he started researching it himself so it was just easier to tell him" the Warden started telling Harvey who was still sitting frozen in confusion.

"He's a bright boy though. He could have been a lawyer like yourself, or a doctor. He always had a certain way with people; a tender heart you might say. But nothing myself or his mother suggested could convince him to do anything but enter the prison service. It was my worst nightmare. I knew what the people in here were like. There's a reason these people are locked up" Harvey ignored that fact that in a way he was being spoken about like he wasn't even in the room.

"Evan couldn't be convinced though and every single day since he joined I've been worried what could happen if something like the riot was to occur. His wife Ada, she's a beautiful lady, everything you could wish for in a daughter in law, I know she worries about Evan too. Six months pregnant as well, first baby, I know that baby is going to be spoilt rotten by everyone" the Warden continued on.

"With all due respect Sir, what does this have to do with me?" Harvey asked hoping he hadn't just messed this whole thing up.

"Ah yes, what does this have to do with you mr Specter?" Warden smiled to himself. "Well you see they have these sets of rules for prison workers and one of these states that family members can't work in the same facility as one another. Evan was working the day of the riot. Getting that phone call I had never been so terrified in my entire life"

Harvey's face went pale. He suddenly understood where all of this was going. His hands started trembling slightly. He didn't want to his this conversation. Not now. Not ever.

"Hearing your child is a lone guard trapped in a cell block with 500 inmates is unimaginable. I kept telling my wife and Ada that Evan would be ok but deep down I didn't believe it. I know what prisoners are like and I know what they would do to a guard if they were given half the chance. Every fibre of my being believed that we would never get Evan out of that building alive" Harvey could see the emotion building in the Warden but he refused to acknowledge it. He didn't want to be here anymore. Stupid chains preventing him from doing what he wanted he thought to himself bitterly.

"But we got him back. By some miracle that day we got our son back" the warden looked Harvey straight in the eyes before continuing. "And that was all thanks to you Mr Specter"

Harvey looked down at the ground. He didn't want to be thanked. He didn't want to hear what the guard, no, Evan was like. This was not a conversation he ever imagined himself having. Of all the stupid good for nothing guards to save he had to pick his new wardens son. Great.

"I know what you did in that prison Mr Specter to protect my son. Some days I still can't wrap my head around the fact an inmate saved the life of a guard. I know what you did to get him out of there and from what I've heard, you haven't quite been the same since" This statement made Harvey curious. He never anticipated the Warden was keeping tabs on him.

"Sure the physical wounds may have healed but the reality of what you did will take a lot longer. No one would blame you if you were never the same person again. But what you need to remember is the person who was killed was not innocent"

"So that gives me the right to play God?" Harvey bit pit. His voice filled with emotion he was trying desperately to hide.

"Karl Palmer" was the Wardens only response

"What?" Harvey question.

"That's the name of the man you killed" The Warden could not have been more blunt if he tried.

"Mr Palmer grew up in a loving home. Two parents who adored him. The only child of wealth, that kid had everything he could have ever wanted. According to his file he was about fifteen when he started skipping school and smoking pot, he had fallen in with the wrong crowd. He started dealing in his early twenties. Started with just pot before moving onto the harder stuff. He himself had kicked the habit however the money it appears had been too much for Mr Palmer to say no to. He was selling to underage kids at the school, some as young as fourteen. The market got harder though and it became more expensive for Mr Palmer to purchase the goods and less people were buying. To make sure he got the most profit he started lacing the drugs to make them look more substantial in quantity. Anything and everything he could get his hands on went into those drugs. He started selling dirty pot because it was cheaper him to buy but he could sell it at the same rate"

Harvey was struggling to understand why he was being told all of this. He didn't want to know what Karl's life had been like or what he had done to end up in prison. It wasn't his business to know.

"He sold the pot to two fourteen year old kids. One of their brothers had just died so they thought it would be a good way to forget. The pot was laced with heroin. One of those boys died that night. There was a set of parents out there mourning the loss of two children in one week. One of their sons had died after a long battle with cancer. The other died because Karl Palmer thought it was ok to sell dirty drugs to kids" the Warden told him.

"So you might think yourself to be a monster Mr Specter,but I can assure you that you are far from that. In a block of 500 people you were the only person to try save my son. Because of you there's a little baby going to be brought into this world who will get to know its daddy. A son, a husband, a soon to be father. That man is still alive because of your actions. Mr Palmer would have stopped at nothing to kill my son, after all, it wouldn't be the first time he had killed someone"

"So next time you think yourself to be a monster Mr Specter I want you to remember what it was like for you as a kid. How much you wanted to be just like your daddy and remind yourself that because you, my grandchild is going to have the same gift of growing up idolising their father. I don't take that gift likely"

Mike didn't realise the day had passed by so quickly. He found a copy of the deal Harvey had made after emailing Jessica and spent the rest of the afternoon figuring out how he could get Harvey out of it. The problem was, Gibbs was no idiot. She had made sure everything was airtight. There was no possible way that they could argue their way out of this. The only possible way that Harvey could get out was an early parole hearing and to be let out for good behaviour. From the stories he had heard about the bruises covering Harvey and the amount of time that he had spent in solitary, Mike knew the chance of that were slim.

He couldn't help but feel useless.

But what if they could get him out on good behaviour? What if they could prove that he had learned his lesson and was no longer a threat to reoffend. It wasn't like he had murdered anyone or stolen. He had told a little white lie that escalated further than anyone imagined. Surely they would be able to find enough character witness' to affirm the kind of person Harvey was. Corporate law didn't exactly lend itself to people having high opinions of you. Sure, his workmates would attest his character but they would need more than that. They would need the unexpected. The unlikely.

Mike had no idea how he was going to full this off but being currently unemployed with no chance of gaining work any time soon meant he had all the time in the world to spend on it.

When Rachel came home that evening that was where she found him, furiously typing away at his computer unaware to the world around him.

"Mike"? She asked as he failed to notice her entering the house.

He startled but didn't make any attempts to look away from the computer.

"Mike, what are you doing" She asked again, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice.

He finally looked away from the computer and took in the sight in front of him. Mike took a second to soak in her beauty and wonder how he managed to get so lucky by scoring a girl like her.

"I'm trying to come up with a way of getting Harvey out early on good behaviour" Mike told her, waiting to hear what her reaction was going to be.

She paused before answering, wanting to make sure she got the wording of her response correct before she started a fight "Mike, you do know Harvey has been in solitary at least three times since he was incarcerated and was investigated for potentially running a fight club?" She made sure to keep her voice as even as possible.

"Yeah I do know that. I also know that they couldn't prove that Harvey had anything to do with the fight club, his three solitary stays were all as a direct result of fighting with other inmates, two of which have now been moved to maximum security units for the safety of other inmates"

"And the third is dead Mike" Rachel responded. She kept out the part about Harvey being the one to kill him, she didn't need to say that, Mike already knew and to say it out loud would be the ultimate betrayal in Mike's eyes.

"Do you not want him to get out?" Mike fired "Is that what it is?"

"Of course not, how dare you say that to me" Rachel yelled "I just don't want you getting your hopes up of getting Harvey out of prison when we both know that the chances of him getting out early are slim to none. What do you think that Louis and Jessica have been doing while you were locked up? Do you seriously think they just sat around on their assess waiting for six years to pass by? Of course they have tried to think of everything, anything that could possibly get Harvey out sooner. They tried to appeal his deal. To find enough people to testify in Harvey's favour. They have spent more hours than you would ever know trying to make this all ok again and they couldn't. Harvey is still sitting behind bars because there is nothing that anyone can do to get him out. I helped every step of the way to find a solution to get Harvey home. I have spent the last year of my life fighting for you and for Harvey so don't you dare tell me that I don't want Harvey to come home"

Rachel stormed out of their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She couldn't prevent the hot tears from falling down her face. Anger boiled away under her skin. How dare he accuse her of not wanting Harvey to get out. How horrible of a person did he think she was.

She thought things would be different once Mike was home. She thought they would be happy. Rachel wasn't dumb enough to think everything would be instantly ok but she never in her wildest dreams thought things were going to be as difficult as they were. She couldn't even begin to imagine how hard things were for Mike but it was like he had no sympathy for what things had been like for her, for all of them that were left on the outside. Sure, she still had her freedom, her job, and ability to do what she wanted when she wanted but that didn't mean she spent the last year of her life on cloud nine. He didn't understand what is was like to spend night after night waking up from nightmares of getting a phone call to say your fiancé was dead. He had no idea what it was like to come home night after night to an empty apartment and having no one their to comfort you. He had no idea the guilt that herself, Louis, Jessica and Donna all carried around with them. He had no idea because he had never asked. He never asked what it was like for her. He never asked how she had managed to cope with the last year of her life. Now he was out and all he cared about was Harvey. Rachel knew it was selfish but for once she just wanted Mike to put her first, to tend to her needs first. She loved him with all her soul, but days like today she didn't like the person he was as much. She thought things were going to be so different.

She was correct. They were different.

She just didn't know if this new version of different was something she could spend the rest of her life with.

Harvey could stop his mind from spinning when he was eventually led back to his cell. How did he even begin to process what had happened today?

He could have gone the rest of his life without knowing any of that and still be content because now he knew he had to figure out whah the heck to do with that information. Harvey now had a name for the man he had called Goon. God how he hated him for most of his stay in prison. Now he knew his name, the story of how he had ended up in bars. Not only that but he had to process the fact the guard also had a name and a story. Before they were just nameless faces. No longer was he allowed that luxury.

He was unsure whether knowing what Karl Palmer had done to end up in prison was making him feel better about the whole situation. Was knowing that two innocent kids died at the hands of Karl Palmers actions the get of the jail free card, no pun intended, that he needed to absolve himself of some of the guilt he had been carrying around. Everyone in prison had a story. Most people were not locked behind bars because of the upstanding citizens they were. That didn't mean that they all deserved to die because of it though. Harvey wanted to vomit. He wanted to throw something.

Harvey thought back to the wardens words, about how his grandchild would now get to grow up with a father because of Harvey's actions. It made him think more of his own father and the love he always held for him. He used to try and mimic almost everything his father did when he was growing up. His father wore a baseball cap backwards, so Harvey did the same. They watched countless baseball games together, his father missing more of Harvey's games than he ever made it to but he always made sure that when he finally got to a game Harvey felt like the most supported player on the pitch. It was Gordon that taught Harvey to play the guitar when he was four years old, something that Harvey still plays occasionally to this day. It was his father that inspired his love of jazz music and old records. There were so many traits Harvey carried into his adult life that he had learned at an early age from his father. Gordon could light up a room the moment he walked into it, charming everyone in it seconds after his arrival. Harvey thankfully inherited that trait from his father which has served him well in his career each and every single day.

His relationship with his father was strained following the revelation of Lily Specters affair with the neighbour Bobby. Harvey was not a man to hold onto regrets but telling his father in the way that he did was one of the few things Harvey would always regret. He had just been so angry. Angry at his mother for making him keep it secret. Angry at himself for not having the balls to stand up for himself and force his mother to do the right thing. Angry at his father for being oblivious to what was going on under his own roof. Maybe if Gordon had been around more then none of this would have happened. That's all Harvey could think about at the time. Maybe if Harvey and Marcus had helped around the house more and made Lily's life a bit easier then she wouldn't have felt the need to find comfort outside the walls of their home. When he angrily told his father what was happening mid boxing match Harvey saw Gordon's heart break right in front of him. It nearly killed him.

Harvey could to this day remember all the times in his life he ever saw his father cry. The day Marcus had been diagnosed with cancer was definitely one of the most prominent memories Harvey had of his father crying. Harvey remember his father falling to the floor, holding his head in his hands, screaming and cry about why this had to happen to one of his boys, that it should have happened to Gordon himself instead. There was the time Gordon's own father passed, a man that Harvey had not been close to. The memory that haunted Harvey the most was the night he had told his father what his mother had been doing behind his back. Sure, immediately after Harvey had told him what was going on his father had just been angry, disbelieving and shaken. Harvey had been out when his father had come home that night, he was too much of a coward to stick around to watch the fallout. When he finally came home that evening he heard his father long before he saw him. It was 2am, not a single other person in site and the only light coming from the few streetlights illuminating the road. Harvey heard the broken cries of his father as soon as he turned into the street. Sobs echoed down the empty streets. Harvey felt his own eyes start to sting hearing the immense pain his father was in, and knowing he played a very significant role in why his father was feeling that way. His father was sitting on the back porch in darkness, shaking, his face stained with the tracks of his tears. Harvey didn't acknowledge his father, choosing to sneak in the front door and hide than to confront the truth of what he had caused. Climbing into his own bed, Harvey could still hear the broken sobs of his father. It was safe to say neither Specter got a lot of sleep that night.

He had worked every day to make the relationship with his father right again after that night. He had apologised over and over, he had grovelled and begged. He would have done anything to get to see his father smile again, for his father to tell him that he loved him. It didn't happen overnight but slowly things returned to normal. He had given so much to make sure his relationship with his father would survive.

He knew what he had to do. He had to fight. He had fought so many times before for various things. He had fought for his place in the firm, to make it as a lawyer. He had fought for Mike more times than he had lost count. He had fought for his father, to make sure he knew the truth. He had fought to provide for his brother, making sure he had all the best treatment options available even if that meant he could no longer afford to eat dinner. His whole life had been fighting for one thing or another but never for himself. He can't remember the last time he fought for anything out of sole selfishness. Sure, the likes of Louis would say he was one of the most selfish people on the planet but they didn't really know him. They didn't know that he would would do anything for the firm and those he loved that worked there. Louis didn't know what Harvey was truly like.

If one thing the warden did right by telling him the story of Karl Palmer, it wasn't to show Harvey that he wasn't a monster or to absolve Harvey of the guilt he was feeling by bringing his son into it. No, none of those things truly helped Harvey that day. The only thing that did help Harvey that day was the warden reigniting a spark in Harvey that he thought had died the day the cell door closed behind him. The need to fight.

Harvey knew it wasn't going to be an easy road to fight to be who he was before, or maybe not who he had been, but to create an even better version of himself. A version that acknowledge this painful, brutal chapter of his life but figured out how to make the best of it regardless.

Harvey knew just the person to help him.

"Im sorry" Rachel was interrupted from her thoughts by Mike coming out into the lounge where she was currently sitting nursing a hot cup of tea.

"You don't need to apologise" Rachel sighed, tiredness filling her voice.

"No. I do" Mike stated firmly "I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on you. It's not fair. It's just so much harder than I thought it was going to be"

"You can say that again"

"Look. I think we were both naive thinking that everything was going to be sunshines and rainbows when I got home. We both underestimated how difficult this was going to be" Mike explained.

"I love you so much Mike, and I have spent the last eighteen months dreaming of what it was going to be like having you home again. I want to spend every single second with you. I want to get married and start a family with you and spend the rest of my life loving you. But I can't do this alone. I can't be the only one putting any effort into us. Im so scared that if you open up this deal and try and get Harvey out that they would find something else to pin on you. I don't think I could live through the pain of you leaving again. It nearly killed me" Rachel felt the tears start to fall down her face as she finished speaking, it was a truth she hadn't even admitted to herself before but it was something that Mike needed to hear.

"Oh Rachel" Mike said sadly as he rushed forward, holding her tightly in his arms as she began to sob. "Rachel, I'll never leave you again" He promised as she ran his hands through her hair. He never wanted to let her go again.

The whole office was waiting for them when they finally arrived. And by the whole office, it was Louis, Jessica, Donna and Katrina. These were the people that mattered most to Mike. These were the people he considered family. Although he had seen them the night he had been let it, this was more special, more authentic. That night he had been all over the place, he had wanted to get home and be with Rachel. Now he could stand and truly appreciate how lucky he was to have this group of people so happy to have him back in their lives.

"So what are you going to do now your out?" Katrina asked as they were all sitting around the table sharing a dream.

Mike felt Rachel tense slightly in his arms, she was leaning all of her weight on him, not quite ready to let go off him yet.

"Well. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get my application out to anyone thats willing to read it. It's time I figured out what I am going to do with my life. I've got some connections from the courses I was doing inside, so I'll see if I can get any of them to pan out" Mike responded hoping that his answer would satisfy Rachel.

"Thats cool, gotta start somewhere right?" Katrina responded with smile "I'm just surprised you two managed to untangle yourselves from the sheets long enough to make it here tonight"

The whole group erupted in laughter, Mike shot Katrina a playful glare not giving her the satisfaction of any kind of verbal response. Mike could have sworn out of the corner of his eye he saw Donna flinch slightly, the normally rambunctious red head sitting unusually quiet in the corner.

"Oh god, we are not talking about there sex life" Louis protested

"At least they have one" Jessica quipped back.

Mike relaxed back into his chair letting the playful banter wash over him. This was nice. This was what he needed. He needed the people he loved to be treating him the same, to be taking the piss out of him. The last thing he wanted was people to walk on eggshells around him. He took a second to soak it all in again. Even with the memory of genius he still took a second to memorise everything in the room, reminding himself that he could never take any of this for granted ever again. The pain would probably kill him.

It occurred to him as he sat there how much he missed Donna. He had missed her the entire time that he had been away but now that he was back it was like the distance between them had grown even greater. He remembered a hug they had shared the first night at the office. They shared one or two brief conversations since then but nothing of any great meaning. The red head was avoiding him and he had a small idea why. They used to be as thick as thieves. That was one thing that had changed in the past eighteen months that would probably never heal. Mike knew that of everyone in this whole fucked up mess, that Donna was hurting the most. Mike looked up to talk to her but noticed that she had left, her seat not sitting unoccupied in the corner.

"Hey are you ok?" He felt Rachel ask from where she was leaning on him.

"Yeah, hey I just need to go do something real quick, I'll be back ok?" He told her, kissing her forehead as he stood up needing to both clear his head and find Donna to talk to her.

He found Donna sometime later sitting in Jessica's office. The redhead had poured herself a glass of scotch and was sitting facing a photo of Jessica and Harvey from years prior. Mike couldn't see clearly from the doorway but he guessed given the cap and gown that the photo was taken when Harvey had graduated Harvard. He knew that Jessica had given his chance but he didn't think they were that close that she would make the trip to see him graduate. He wondered how much more there was about their relationship he didn't know.

Donna however was what he needed to focus on now. He could see a tiny tremble in her shoulders, the way her whole body was tense and her eyes never leaving the photo. Mike knew she was hurting. He couldn't imagine being in her shoes, or Rachel's for that matter. He had noticed the way Donna would flinch every time the phone would ring if not waiting for bad news, the way she would stay late in the office and never leaving alone. She was hurting now, more than ever, her earlier avoidance made that abundantly clear but Mike had no clue how to help her or what to say.

Donna looked up after a few minutes of Mikes staring. He couldn't tell by her facial expression whether or not she was happy he was there. She simply turned and poured herself another scotch before returning Mikes stare. She was studying him intently when he decided to break the silence.

"It kills you doesn't it?" Mike said softly as he looked in Donna's eyes.

"What?" She asked back, however Mike could clearly see the understanding in her eyes.

"It kills you that I'm out here while Harvey is still in prison and that there's nothing anyone can do about that" Mike stated plainly. He couldn't blame Donna. She had known Harvey far longer than she had known Mike and after all, it was so clearly the man she loved.

"I'm happy for you Mike, I really am. I am so glad you are Rachel finally get to be together and that you're out of that god awful place" Donna started

"But?" Mike questioned.

"But every single second I watch you and Rachel together it just reminds me what I don't have. Not just with you being out of prison and Harvey still inside but everything the two of you have. It kills me inside that you have the woman you love right in front of you and the man I've wanted for more than 12 years won't even answer my calls or letters" Donna began, Mike could see the tears starting to build behind her hazel eyes. " I don't even know if he's ok, heck some days I don't even know if he's alive. So I'm sorry if it hasn't seemed like I'm happy you're back Mike because I really truly am, but you have to cut me a break every now and then because every time I see you I have to see everything I'm never going to have and some days that's just a little hard to handle"

"Come here" Mike opened out his arms as wide as they would go, inviting Donna in.

As soon as Donna made contact with Mike he could feel the wetness starting to soak into his shoulder. Her body was now wracked with tiny sobs. "Oh Donna" he whispered into her ear as he held her close rubbing his arms up and down his back.

"I just miss him so much" she admitted through the tears.

"It's gonna be ok Donna, it's going to be ok" Mike offered back.

As he held Donna whilst she cried he cursed Harvey for the first time since this all began. He cursed Harvey for making the deal knowing the chaos he was going to leave behind. He cursed Harvey for cutting them all off and refusing to speak to them but most of all as he held Donna in his arms he cursed Harvey for being the only person who was going to be able to fix this mess and the fact there was nothing Harvey could do about it for years. He wished Harvey was here. He wished Harvey was here more than ever.


End file.
